Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert, wandering aimlessly and close to death. They are close to just lying down and waiting for the inevitable, when all of a sudden.......
"Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell. Ees bacon I is sure of eet."
"Si, Luis eet smells like bacon to meee."
So, with renewed strength, they struggle up the next sand dune, and there, in the distance, is a tree loaded with bacon.
There's raw bacon, dripping with moisture, there's fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked bacon... every imaginable kind of cured pig meat.
"Pepe, Pepe, we is saved. "Eees a bacon tree."
"Luis, are you sure ees not a meerage? We ees in the Desert don't forget."
"Pepe when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smell like bacon... ees no meerage, ees a bacon tree".
And with that... Luis Races towards the tree. He gets to within 5 metres, Pepe following closely behind, when all of a sudden, a machine gun opens up,and Luis is cut down in his tracks. It is clear he is mortally wounded but, a true friend that he is, he manages to warn Pepe with his dying breath.
"Pepe... go back man,you was right ees not a bacon tree."
"Luis Luis mi amigo... what ees it?
"Pepe... ees not a bacon tree...
Ees
Ees
Ees
Ees
Ees
Ees
Ees
Eees a Ham Bush.
dave06 said
12:14 PM Jun 25, 2008
well with that old one I think you win, but here is my entry Dave the Hen
Dave came home from the pub late one Friday evening stinking drunk, as he often did, and crept into bed beside his wife who was already asleep. He gave her a peck on the cheek and fell asleep. When he awoke, he found a strange man standing at the end of his bed. 'Who the hell are you?', demanded Dave, 'and what are you doing in my bedroom ?'
The mysterious man answered, 'This isn't your bedroom and I'm St Peter.' Dave was stunned. 'You mean I'm dead !!! That can't be, I have so much to live for - and I haven't said goodbye to my family. . . You've got to send me back straight away.' St Peter replied, 'Yes, you can be reincarnated but there is a catch. We can only send you back as a dog or a hen.'
Dave was devastated, but knowing there was a farm not far from his house, he asked to be sent back as a hen. A flash of light later, he was covered in feathers and clucking around, pecking the ground.
'This ain't so bad', he thought until he felt this strange feeling welling up inside him. The farmyard rooster strolled over and said, 'So you're the new hen, How are you enjoying your first day here ?' 'It's not so bad', replies Dave, 'but I have this strange feeling inside like I'm about to explode.'
'You're ovulating', explained the rooster. 'Don't tell me you've never laid an egg before.' 'Never', replies Dave. 'Well just relax and let it happen'.
And so he did and after a few uncomfortable seconds later, an egg pops out from under his tail. An immense feeling of relief swept over him
and his emotions got the better of him as he experienced motherhood for the first time.
When he laid his second egg, the feeling of happiness was overwhelming and he knew that being reincarnated as a hen was the best thing that ever happened to him . . . Ever!!!
The joy kept coming and as he was just about to lay his third egg, he felt an enormous smack on the back of his head and heard his wife
shouting ..................... 'Dave, wake up, you drunken bastard. You've sh*t in the bed !!'
Crazy Dog said
09:16 PM Jul 3, 2008
Sorry guys. woz busy yesterday so here goes!!!
MOTHER OF ALL JOKES
Two Middle East mothers are sitting in a cafe chatting over a plate of tabouli and a pint of goat's milk.
The older of the mothers pulls a bag out of her purse and starts flipping through photos. And they start reminiscing.
'This is my oldest son Mohammed. He would be 24 years old now.' 'Yes, I remember him as a baby' says the other mother cheerfully. He's a martyr now though' mum confides. 'Oh, so sad dear' says the other.
And this is my second son Kalid. He would be 21' 'Oh, I remember him,' says the other happily, 'he had such curly hair when he was born'.
'He's a martyr too' says mum quietly. 'Oh, gracious me ...' Says the other.
'And this is my third son. My baby. My beautiful Ahmed.
He would be 18, she whispers.
'Yes' says the friend enthusiastically, 'I remember when he first started school'
He's a martyr also,' says mum, with tears in her eyes.
After a pause and a deep sigh, the second Muslim mother looks wistfully at the photographs and says...
Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert, wandering aimlessly and close to death. They are close to just lying down and waiting for the inevitable, when all of a sudden.......
"Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell. Ees bacon I is sure of eet."
"Si, Luis eet smells like bacon to meee."
So, with renewed strength, they struggle up the next sand dune, and there, in the distance, is a tree loaded with bacon.
There's raw bacon, dripping with moisture, there's fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked bacon... every imaginable kind of cured pig meat.
"Pepe, Pepe, we is saved. "Eees a bacon tree."
"Luis, are you sure ees not a meerage? We ees in the Desert don't forget."
"Pepe when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smell like bacon... ees no meerage, ees a bacon tree".
And with that... Luis Races towards the tree. He gets to within 5 metres, Pepe following closely behind, when all of a sudden, a machine gun opens up,and Luis is cut down in his tracks. It is clear he is mortally wounded but, a true friend that he is, he manages to warn Pepe with his dying breath.
"Pepe... go back man,you was right ees not a bacon tree."
"Luis Luis mi amigo... what ees it?
"Pepe... ees not a bacon tree...
Ees
Ees
Ees
Ees
Ees
Ees
Ees
Eees a Ham Bush.
MOTHER OF ALL JOKES
Two Middle East mothers are sitting in a cafe chatting over a plate of tabouli and a pint of goat's milk.
The older of the mothers pulls a bag out of her purse and starts flipping through photos. And they start reminiscing.
'This is my oldest son Mohammed. He would be 24 years old now.'
'Yes, I remember him as a baby' says the other mother cheerfully.
He's a martyr now though' mum confides.
'Oh, so sad dear' says the other.
And this is my second son Kalid. He would be 21'
'Oh, I remember him,' says the other happily, 'he had such curly hair when he was born'.
'He's a martyr too' says mum quietly.
'Oh, gracious me ...' Says the other.
'And this is my third son. My baby. My beautiful Ahmed.
He would be 18, she whispers.
'Yes' says the friend enthusiastically, 'I remember when he first started school'
He's a martyr also,' says mum, with tears in her eyes.
After a pause and a deep sigh, the second Muslim mother looks wistfully at the photographs and says...
'They blow up so fast, don't they?