We need a "joke day" How 'bout Worst joke wednesday?
Crazy Dog said
04:54 PM Jun 14, 2008
Here goes - yeh I KNOW IT IS SATURDAY THANX DOUG!
After being married for 36 years, I took a careful look at my wife yesterday (our 36th anniversary) and said: "Honey, 35 years ago we had a cheap flat, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 21-year-old gal. Now I have a $650K home, a $45K car, king-size bed and colour TV, but I'm sleeping with a 61-year-old woman. It seems to me that you're not holding up your side of things."
My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 21-year-old gal, and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a 10-inch black and white TV.
Aren't older women great? They really know how to solve your mid-life crisis.
Poached from COCIA.. sorry fellas - just luv'd it and had ta share..
Grrr!!!
-- Edited by Crazy Dog at 17:54, 2008-06-14
-- Edited by Crazy Dog at 17:55, 2008-06-14
Crazy Dog said
05:00 PM Jun 14, 2008
And a nuvva!!!
Reminds me of the bloke who sat at the bar watching old Dusty Tilley (dog) licking his plums. After a few minutes of this the old bloke says "Gawd I wish I could do that" and Doug piped up and said "I reckon you should pat him and throw him a bone first".
Grrr!!!
Doug and Dusty said
10:49 PM Jun 14, 2008
I'm Totally flabbergasted and lost for words.
Crazy Dog said
10:51 PM Jun 14, 2008
I find that VERY HARD TO BELIEVE!!!! You lost for words! NEVVA....LOLOLOL...
Grrr!!!
-- Edited by Crazy Dog at 23:52, 2008-06-14
Basil Faulty said
11:21 AM Jun 19, 2008
Sounds good to me but can someone tell me when it's Wednesday?
Crazy Dog said
09:16 PM Jun 19, 2008
Betta late than Nevva!!!!
Dead Man Walking!!!
The room was full of pregnant women, with their partners. The Lamaze Class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, and was telling the men how to give the necessary assurances to their partners at this stage of the pregnancy.
She said: "Ladies, remember that exercise is GOOD for you. Walking is especially beneficial. It strengthens the pelvic muscles and will make delivery that much easier!" She looked at the men in the room.
"And gentlemen, remember. You're in this together. It wouldn't hurt you to go walking with your partner."
The room suddenly got very quiet as the men absorbed this information. Then a man at the back of the room slowly raised his hand.
"Yes?" answered the teacher.
"I was just wondering," the man said. "Is it all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk?"
Grrr!!!
Pinched from Skip COCIA....
Crazy Dog said
12:55 PM Jun 20, 2008
One of the city's top Cardiac specialists died. At his funeral, his coffin was placed in front of a huge replica of a heart made of red roses.
When the pastor finished the sermon, and everyone said their goodbyes, the large heart opened up, the coffin rolled inside, and the heart closed again.
It was a majestic tribute to the much loved cardiologist.
Suddenly, one of the mourners burst into a fit of laughter.
Irritated by his insensitivity, the man sitting next to him asked, 'Why are you laughing, Mister?'
'Because I was thinking about my own funeral,' the man replied. 'I'm a gynaecologist!'
pinched from COCIA
-- Edited by Crazy Dog at 13:55, 2008-06-20
Basil Faulty said
05:18 PM Jun 20, 2008
With gas the price it is, this isn't far from the truth! A thief in Paris planned to steal some paintings from the Louvre.
After careful planning, he got past security, stole the paintings, and made it safely to his van. However, he was captured only two blocks away when his van ran out of gas. When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such an obvious error, he replied, 'Monsieur, that is the reason I stole the paintings.' I had no Monet To buy Degas To make the Van Gogh.' See if you have De Gaulle to send this on to someone else. I sent it to you because I figured I had nothing Toulouse
Crazy Dog said
09:06 PM Jun 20, 2008
Yup I'll pay that one Bas - May I call you Bas! Sir Basil?
Grrr!!!
Crazy Dog said
09:12 PM Jun 20, 2008
A man charges into a bank wearing a balaclava and wielding a handgun. He shouts 'this is a raid - everyone get on the floor!!', and proceeds to empty the cash drawers. As he runs towards the door with the loot, a brave customer yanks off his balaclava. The robber immediately shoots the customer in the head and shouts.. 'Did anybody else here see my face?'.
The robber notices another customer peering from behind a counter and goes over and shoots him in the head also.
'Did anybody else see my face?' he shouts again, waving his gun around. There is silence for a few seconds before a male voice is heard from a distant corner..
'I think my missus caught a glimpse....'
Basil Faulty said
11:57 AM Jun 21, 2008
Crazy Dog wrote:
Yup I'll pay that one Bas - May I call you Bas! Sir Basil?
Grrr!!!
You can call me Basil - but you'll still have to tell me it's wednesday
Crazy Dog said
07:13 PM Jun 21, 2008
Basil!
OK! IT IS WEDNESDAY! Even though it is Saturday...Well ya told me to tell you....
I will seek and find you . . I shall take you to bed and have my way with you
I will make you ache, shake & sweat until you moan & groan.
I will make you beg for mercy, beg for me to stop.
I will exhaust you to the point that you will be relieved when I'm finished with you.
And, when I am finished, you will be weak for days.
All my love,
The Flu
Now, get your mind out of the gutter and go get your flu shot!
Gary and Kerry said
04:46 PM Jul 11, 2008
Marty wakes up at home with a huge hangover. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table. He sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. Marty looks around the room and sees that it is in a perfect order, spotless, clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping. Love you." So he goes to the kitchen and sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Marty asks, "Son, what happened last night?" His son says, "Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and delirious. Broke some furniture , puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door." Confused, Marty asks, "So, why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?" His son replies, "Oh that! Mum dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off to change and clean you, you said, "Lady, leave me alone, I'm married!"
Crazy Dog said
07:49 PM Jul 11, 2008
This one thanx to Mick COCIA..
Bureau of Meteorology
It was April and the Aboriginals in a remote part of Northern Australia asked their new elder if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild.
Since he was an elder in a modern community he had never been taught the old secrets. When he looked at the sky he couldn't tell what the winter was going to be like.
Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he told his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the tribe should collect firewood to be prepared.
But being a practical leader, after several days he had an idea. He walked out to the telephone booth on the highway, called the Bureau of Meteorology and asked, 'Is the coming winter in this area going to be cold?' The meteorologist responded, 'It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold.'
So the elder went back to his people and told them to collect even more wood in order to be prepared.
A week later he called the Bureau of Meteorology again. 'Does it still look like it is going to be a very cold winter?' The meteorologist again replied, 'Yes, it's going to be a very cold winter.'
The elder again went back to his community and ordered them to collect every scrap of firewood they could find.
Two weeks later the elder called the Bureau again. 'Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?' he asked. 'Absolutely,' the man replied. 'It's looking more and more like it is going to be one of the coldest winters ever.' 'How can you be so sure?' the elder asked.
The weatherman replied, 'Our satellites have reported that the Aboriginals in the north are collecting firewood like crazy, and that's always a sure sign
A big earthquake with the strength of 8.1 on the Richter scale has hit Lebanon.
Two million Lebanese have died and over a million are injured. The country is totally ruined and the government doesn't know where to start with providing help to rebuild.
The rest of the world is in shock.
The United States is sending troops to help.
Saudi Arabia is sending oil.
Latin American countries are sending supplies.
The small island country New Zealand is sending sheep, cattle and food crops. The European community (except France) is sending money. The Asian continents are sending labour to assist in rebuilding infrastructure.
The Australians, not to be outdone, are sending two million replacement Lebanese.
God Bless Our Aussie Generosity Cheers, Sue
-- Edited by suenami at 10:24, 2008-07-12
Basil Faulty said
11:32 AM Jul 12, 2008
Oh Sue I love it.... the streets of Lakemba will be empty....& 269 Canterbury Rd will be able to dispense with their security gaurds....
Here goes - yeh I KNOW IT IS SATURDAY THANX DOUG!
After being married for 36 years, I took a careful look at my wife yesterday (our 36th anniversary) and said: "Honey, 35 years ago we had a cheap flat, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 21-year-old gal. Now I have a $650K home, a $45K car, king-size bed and colour TV,
but I'm sleeping with a 61-year-old woman. It seems to me that you're not holding up your side of things."
My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 21-year-old gal, and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a 10-inch black and white TV.
Aren't older women great? They really know how to solve your mid-life crisis.
Poached from COCIA.. sorry fellas - just luv'd it and had ta share..
Grrr!!!
-- Edited by Crazy Dog at 17:54, 2008-06-14
-- Edited by Crazy Dog at 17:55, 2008-06-14
Reminds me of the bloke who sat at the bar watching old Dusty Tilley (dog) licking his plums. After a few minutes of this the old bloke says "Gawd I wish I could do that" and Doug piped up and said "I reckon you should pat him and throw him a bone first".
Grrr!!!
You lost for words! NEVVA....LOLOLOL...
Grrr!!!
-- Edited by Crazy Dog at 23:52, 2008-06-14
Dead Man Walking!!!
The room was full of pregnant women, with their partners. The Lamaze Class
was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe
properly, and was telling the men how to give the necessary assurances to
their partners at this stage of the pregnancy.
She said: "Ladies, remember that exercise is GOOD for you. Walking is
especially beneficial. It strengthens the pelvic muscles and will make delivery that much easier!" She looked at the men in the room.
"And gentlemen, remember. You're in this together. It wouldn't hurt you to go walking with your partner."
The room suddenly got very quiet as the men absorbed this information. Then
a man at the back of the room slowly raised his hand.
"Yes?" answered the teacher.
"I was just wondering," the man said. "Is it all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk?"
Grrr!!!
Pinched from Skip COCIA....
When the pastor finished the sermon, and everyone said their goodbyes, the large heart opened up, the coffin rolled inside, and the heart closed again.
It was a majestic tribute to the much loved cardiologist.
Suddenly, one of the mourners burst into a fit of laughter.
Irritated by his insensitivity, the man sitting next to him asked, 'Why are you laughing, Mister?'
'Because I was thinking about my own funeral,' the man replied. 'I'm a gynaecologist!'
-- Edited by Crazy Dog at 13:55, 2008-06-20
With gas the price it is, this isn't far from the truth!
A thief in Paris planned to steal some paintings from the Louvre.
After careful planning, he got past security, stole the paintings, and made it safely to his van.
However, he was captured only two blocks away when his van ran out of gas.
When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such an obvious error, he replied, 'Monsieur, that is the reason I stole the paintings.'
I had no Monet
To buy Degas
To make the Van Gogh.'
See if you have De Gaulle to send this on to someone else.
I sent it to you because I figured I had nothing Toulouse
As he runs towards the door with the loot, a brave customer yanks off his balaclava. The robber immediately shoots the customer in the head and shouts.. 'Did anybody else here see my face?'.
The robber notices another customer peering from behind a counter and goes over and shoots him in the head also.
'Did anybody else see my face?' he shouts again, waving his gun around.
There is silence for a few seconds before a male voice is heard from a distant corner..
'I think my missus caught a glimpse....'
OK! IT IS WEDNESDAY! Even though it is Saturday...Well ya told me to tell you....
Grrr!!!
I shall take you to bed and have my way with you
I will make you ache, shake & sweat until you moan & groan.
I will make you beg for mercy, beg for me to stop.
I will exhaust you to the point that you will be relieved when I'm finished with you.
And, when I am finished, you will be weak for days.
All my love,
The Flu
Now, get your mind out of the gutter and go get your flu shot!
forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing
he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water
on the side table. He sits down and sees his clothing
in front of him, all clean and pressed. Marty looks
around the room and sees that it is in a perfect
order, spotless, clean. So is the rest of the house.
He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table
"Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go
shopping. Love you." So he goes to the kitchen and
sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the morning
newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Marty
asks, "Son, what happened last night?" His son says,
"Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and
delirious. Broke some furniture , puked in the hallway,
and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into
the door." Confused, Marty asks, "So, why is
everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on
the table waiting for me?" His son replies, "Oh that!
Mum dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to
take your pants off to change and clean you, you said,
"Lady, leave me alone, I'm married!"
A big earthquake with the
strength of 8.1 on the Richter scale has hit
Lebanon.
Two million Lebanese have
died and over a million are injured. The
country is totally ruined and the
government doesn't know where to start
with providing help to rebuild.
The rest of the world is in
shock.
The United States is sending
troops to help.
Saudi Arabia is sending oil.
Latin American countries are
sending supplies.
The small island country New
Zealand is sending sheep, cattle and food
crops. The European community
(except France) is sending money. The Asian
continents are sending labour to
assist in rebuilding infrastructure.
The Australians, not to be
outdone, are sending two million
replacement Lebanese.
God Bless Our Aussie
Generosity
Cheers, Sue
-- Edited by suenami at 10:24, 2008-07-12