I've been reading most postings late at night when all is quiet, and I can't stop my mind from "running amuck." You guys do more on this forum than you know! For the last couple of months my much loved sister has been fighting that bloody monster , cancer. Exactly one year to the day ago the Drs removed her lung....four weeks ago....a monster in her brain......tonight, she has just told me it's in her spine and all was not removed from her brain. Iwas her "support" in the P.A in Brisbane. Support......that's a funny word!!!! Behind closed doors, there was nothing strong about me. Don't feel very strong now either. To be told ..you will only live for a couple of weeks if you don't have the radiation, or a couple of months, if you do....!! I wonder what my choice would be?  The agony she suffered with the removal of the brain tumor is something I never want to witness again. You know, I was really blown away with the High Dependancy ward of the hospital. In such a ward...would'nt you think communication was vital?  Well, how can you communicate with nurses you can't understand? 9 out of 10 were Korean or something and my sister couldn't make out what they were saying. I did the translation. I'm certaintly not against any other Nationality...but ....in such a delicate ward, don't you think communication is of the utmost?  Her children, {adults} want her to try everything..... she just wants to rest.
I swear I will NEVER winge about  my "ailments" again. Its the cruelest disease!!!

Dellie

Hello Dellie.Thank you for your story.I admire you for putting into print a lot of things that we take for granted.Until we have to face up to a situation that you have to bear,we know sweet fanny Adams about someone elses suffering,please folks dont misunderstand me about knowing SFA ,I know that many of us have been touched by the pain of a loved one in much the same circumstances as Dellies sister is right now.The most natural thing for humans to do is to want to pick up and cuddle,hold next to your body a loved child,person or a pet.Dellie we are all cuddling your sister.Cheers.Paddy.

My thoughts are with your sister and yourself. I admire your sister's courage and I admire your courage in putting your thoughts into words. Jim

Hi Dellie,
Yes cancer can only be described as a monster.the bloody thing decides what and when it is going to do it's damage........my thoughts are with you too..I lost my husband back in dec 07...he was told he had only 3 months if he did nothing...so he chose to have chemo..had his 1st treatment and one  week later he was gone.......I am so sorry for you and your sister's drawn out suffering.....I am a nurse and so I can see a bigger picture....I wonder is your sister in a palliative care ward...if not push to get her in one they are so more focused and trained to handle her care at this precious stage....Hang in there you are giving her more support than you will ever know...Please feel free to PM me if you just need to talk sometime.
Judy

No pearls of wisdom here I believe it has all been said.

May your God richly bless you both.

Best regards.
John

Hi Dellie!
One of the main reasons I decided to change my entire lifestyle, and do what I am now doing. was because I was working in an oncology unit and saw cases like your sisters every day. I decided to live while I'm still alive. Others have had that opportunatey taken from them.
I feel for you!
Take care,
Dianne

its hard when a loved one is like that, been thru similar with my mum.. no fun prayers are with you..

Thinking of you both Dellie. Everything else has already been said. Sheba,

Dellie, So sorry to hear of your news thank you for being so courageous to put into words your feelings our thoughts and prayers are with you and your sister. Helena.

Dellie, in a sad way you and your sister are lucky. Lucky to have this time to make the most of. Lucky to be able to share this closeness. It's a great thing when our family can leave this world in peace. It's a sad thing for those left behind, but you've had these close times to share, so you have closure. I was recently a patient on the 4th floor of PA. I wasn't sick when I got there, but after they recreated the symptoms I had been suffering from prior to my surgery just before Christmas, I was feeling a bit secondhand. It's passed now. During the week they admitted 2 terminal patients in the private room next door, and another at the end of the corridor. I felt for the family members who had to hover to be with their relative, mother, father, sister or brother. They faithfully sat with the patient until their last breath. They came and went, mostly to have a break from the grim and sad atmosphere in that room. The wife delayed her "good byes" as long as she could, but they wanted the bed for the next terminal patient. Make the most of this time. Ask your sister how she would like to see you move on. Live your life in the best possible way, in her memory. I bet you girls have some stories from your younger days. Live on with those memories and the ones you're both creating now. The reverse is, what would you do if she was to die suddenly with no warning, no goodbyes, no illness lingering on? Have those thoughts now, so you can remember the good stuff to live by.

Dellie, Thankyou for reaching out to us. Sometimes its easier to talk to people out of the family and friend circle who are feeling the same as you.  As you can see from the replies our hearts and prayers go out to your family.  Hopefully you can feel the positive energy being willed your way by all on this forum.  Chin up!!! And remember we are all very good listeners.

Thank you. Thank you all so much.... I'm sorry for being "down" on the forum..but Pricey, you are so right!! I have wonderful friends, there for me at all times...but I can't, just can't, talk to anyone about this. Not face to face. Here on the forum, last night, I found I COULD talk to friends about this. Thank you all again. I'm not a negative person, am I Ma? Just a bit tired at the moment. Granny....those memories of our childhood are very much in our discussions. I intend to fill the time remaining with as much laughter as I can muster, and thats not hard with her. We, as kids...{and as adults too } did some silly wonderful things, just to create a laugh.... Most of the time we just got ourselves into trouble for our efforts. Her name is Sarge. Thats what I have called her for as long as I can remember. She's 61 years old. Please keep cuddling my sister. Dellie.

Dell my friend, if ever there was a sister I would love to have, it would be you.

Negative is NOT a word that could EVER be applied to you, if anything it is the EXACT opposite.

Sarge is a lucky lady to have had you and you to have had her. 

From the stories you have told me your memories of each other are something to be cherished and will be with you till you meet again.

As you know, I've been where you are now and if you need to "vent" I'm as close as the phone.

Love

Elaine

If it's the people that make a forum then this forum has been made in the best possible way.

Jon

Dell ..

 Draw on all the suport available .. most of us have been touched, one way or another by this awful disease .. (my wife in '03) .. share the load ! 

Jon

(Currently in Narrogin, WA)

I will hold you both in my prayers. Be strong, and dont be afraid to laugh. When my family went through this situation with Mum, we were embarrased to be caught laughing. But you know what, it helped us all as we shared our memories and our love. And when the time comes, dont be afraid to cry. We will be with you in spirit.

So so sorry Dellie, please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers as well. I don't really know what else to say to you.

Thinking of you both, DellieMay and sister Sarge.

Life is s-o-o-o cruel.

Bugger.

i too will be thinking of you dellie and your sister, its never easy and nobody realy knows what so say, we currently have our next door neighbour who was a nomad himself till his wife caught cancer and they sold the bus she had it twice and survived now he went and had the camera and thought he had an ulcer, alas its cancer of the esophigus so he too has been given a time limit and we have to watch our lovely neighbour who we have only recently met due to buying next to him pass away . i never knew what to say when he was telling me at the fenceline but i will say as others have cherish the time you have spent with your sister, and live life to the fullest ,we too have a grandson who just had another mri on monday so are awaiting his news of how his brain tumour is, life is cruel hes only 3 and i always say there are old people out there wanting to die and young ones not even getting a chance. please do know this we are most certainly all thinking of you at this very sad time ,and all you can do is to love and hug your sister and cherish those most wonderful memories xxx big hugs for you dellie

Brother In Law had cancer and by mutual agreement we all treated him as if nothing was wrong.  Once you get your head around it, it becomes easier for all to cope.

We all had to accept there was nothing anyone could do to save him so we spent as much time just acting normally around him and kept the tears until we were in the privacy of our individual bedrooms.


-- Edited by JRH on Friday 16th of April 2010 05:14:59 PM

Thank you all. I truely don't feel so alone anymore, nor do I feel bad about the first posting. I did at first, thinking, people will think I'm a whinger or perhaps not want to discuss my feelings. How wonderful you all have been!! No tears this posting.....Just smiles, knowing there is "hugs" out there. I WILL stay strong for Sarge...I WILL NOT let the tears be seen....I WILL keep the laughter going, and, in time I will let you know how she is doing. Elaine....What's that saying????? Look out ..I have your number.Lol. Thanks for the "lift up"....all of you!! Dellie.

You are most welcome Dellie, we won't be going anywhere mate. 

Being strong without tears can be very tiring and dishonest. Don't make it too hard on yourself. If you want to cry, cry with your sister. I'm sure she would appreciate knowing how you really feel about the prospect of losing her. Death is part of life. It's just the timing which seems so inconvenient. Whether it's sudden, or at the end of a long illness, or just a long or short life, it's inevitable. I believe we should all make the most of the time we have. It's much more rewarding than moping around bored out of the brain, or regretting the what ifs, and not pursuing a few dreams.

Live EVERY DAY as if it was your last.  Tomorrow is a bonus.