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· If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah. | |||||
· If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Dickhead and **** for Brains. | |||||
EATING OUT | |||||
· When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back. | |||||
· When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators. | |||||
MONEY | |||||
· A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs. | |||||
· A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale. | |||||
BATHROOMS | |||||
· A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel. | |||||
· The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337.. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items. | |||||
ARGUMENTS | |||||
· A woman has the last word in any argument. | |||||
· Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument. | |||||
FUTURE | |||||
· A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. | |||||
· A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. | |||||
SUCCESS | |||||
· A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. | |||||
· A successful woman is one who can find such a man. | |||||
MARRIAGE | |||||
· A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. | |||||
· A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does. | |||||
DRESSING UP | |||||
· A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail. | |||||
· A man will dress up for weddings and funerals. | |||||
NATURAL | |||||
· Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. | |||||
· Women somehow deteriorate during the night. | |||||
OFFSPRING | |||||
· Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams. | |||||
· A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house. | |||||
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY | |||||
A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing! | |||||
SO, send this to the women who have a sense of humor and who can handle it .... and to the men who will enjoy reading it. |