Lexiphile (i.e., "lovers of words" you know . . . . like . . .. you
can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish . . .. or, I wondered why
the baseball was getting bigger . . . .. then it hit me .. . . .etc.).
Well, here are some for you to enjoy.


To write with a broken pencil is . . . pointless.


When fish are in schools they sometimes . . . take debate.


A thief who stole a calendar .. . . got twelve months.


When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, . .. U.C.L.A.


The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes . . . was on
shaky ground.


The batteries were given out . .. . free of charge.


A dentist and a manicurist married. .. . .. They fought tooth and nail.


A will is a . . . dead giveaway.


If you don't pay your exorcist . . .. you can get repossessed.


With her marriage, she got a new name . .. . and a dress.


Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you . . . A-flat
miner.


You are stuck with your debt if . . . you can't budge it.


Local Area Network in Australia : . . . The LAN down under.


A boiled egg is . . . hard to beat.


When you've seen one shopping center . . . you've seen a mall.


Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was . . .
resisting a rest.


Did you hear about the fellow whose whole left side was cut off? . . .
He's all right now.


If you take a laptop computer for a run you could . . .. jog your memory.


A bicycle can't stand alone; . .. . it is two tired.


In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, . . . it's
your Count that votes.


When a clock is hungry . . .. it goes back four seconds


The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine . . . was fully recovered.


He had a photographic memory . . . which was never developed.


Those who get too big for their britches will be . . . exposed in the end.


When she saw her first strands of gray hair, . . . she thought she'd dye.


Acupuncture: . . . a jab well done. 

..................................................

1. Police were called to a day care, where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
2. Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? Hes all right now.
3. The roundest knight at King Arthurs round table was Sir Cumference.
4. To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
5. When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.
6. The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
7. A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
8. A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.
9. Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.
10. When the smog lifts in Los Angeles , U. C. L. A.
11. The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it.
12. The professor discovered that his theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.
13. The dead batteries were given out free of charge.
14. If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.
15. A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.
16. A bicycle cant stand alone; it is two tired.
17. A will is a dead giveaway.
18. Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
19. A backward poet writes inverse.
20. In a democracy its your vote that counts; in feudalism, its your Count that votes.
21. A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.
22. If you dont pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.
23. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
24. Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and Ill show you A-flat miner.
25. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
26. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.
27. A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France , and resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.
28. You are stuck with your debt if you cant budge it.
29. Local Area Network in Australia : The LAN down under.
30. He broke into song because he couldnt find the key.
31. A calendars days are numbered.
32. A boiled egg is hard to beat.
33. He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
34. A plateau is a high form of flattery.
35. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
36. When youve seen one shopping center youve seen a mall.
37. If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.
38. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
39. Santas helpers are subordinate clauses.
40. Acupuncture: a jab well done.
41. A lot of money is tainted: Taint yours, and taint mine.