Dear Son, >>> >>> Just a few lines to let you know I'm still alive. I'm writing this >>> letter slowly because I know you can't read fast. We are all doing very >>> well. >>> >>> You won't recognise the house when you get home - we have moved. Your >>> dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 miles >>> from your home, so we moved. I won't be able to send you the address >>> because the last Irish family that lived here took the house numbers >>> when they moved so that they wouldn't have to change their address. >>> >>> This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure >>> it works so well though: last week I put a load in and pulled the chain >>> and haven't seen them since. >>> >>> Your father's got a really good job now. He's got 500 men under him. >>> He's cutting the grass at the cemetery. >>> Your sister Mary had a baby this morning but I haven't found out if it's >>> a boy or a girl, so I don't know whether you are an auntie or an uncle. >>> Your brother Tom is still in the army. He's only been there a short >>> while and they've already made him a court martial! >>> Your Uncle Patrick drowned last week in a vat of whiskey in the Dublin >>> Brewery. Some of his workmates tried to save him but he fought them off >>> bravely. They cremated him and it took three days to put out the fire. >>> >>> I'm sorry to say that your cousin Seamus was arrested while riding his >>> bicycle last week. They are charging him with dope peddling. >>> I went to the doctor on Thursday and your father went with me. The >>> doctor put a small tube in my mouth and told me not to talk for ten >>> minutes. Your father offered to buy it from him. >>> >>> The weather isn't bad here. It only rained twice this week, first for >>> three days and then for four days Monday was so windy one of the >>> chickens laid the same egg four times. >>> >>> We had a letter from the undertaker. He said if the last payment on >>> your grandmother's plot wasn't paid in seven days, up she comes. >>> >>> About that coat you wanted me to send you, your Uncle Stanley said it >>> would be too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut >>> them off and put them in the pockets. >>> >>> John locked his keys in the car yesterday.. We were really worried >>> because it took him two hours to get me and your father out. >>> Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pick-up truck. Ralph was >>> driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your other two >>> friends were in the back. They drowned because they couldn't get the >>> tailgate down. There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much has >>> happened. >>> >>> Your loving Mum. >>> >>> >>> P.S. I was going to send you some money but I had already sealed the >>> envelope.
Dear Son,
>>>
>>> Just a few lines to let you know I'm still alive. I'm writing this
>>> letter slowly because I know you can't read fast. We are all doing very
>>> well.
>>>
>>> You won't recognise the house when you get home - we have moved. Your
>>> dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 miles
>>> from your home, so we moved. I won't be able to send you the address
>>> because the last Irish family that lived here took the house numbers
>>> when they moved so that they wouldn't have to change their address.
>>>
>>> This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure
>>> it works so well though: last week I put a load in and pulled the chain
>>> and haven't seen them since.
>>>
>>> Your father's got a really good job now. He's got 500 men under him.
>>> He's cutting the grass at the cemetery.
>>> Your sister Mary had a baby this morning but I haven't found out if it's
>>> a boy or a girl, so I don't know whether you are an auntie or an uncle.
>>> Your brother Tom is still in the army. He's only been there a short
>>> while and they've already made him a court martial!
>>> Your Uncle Patrick drowned last week in a vat of whiskey in the Dublin
>>> Brewery. Some of his workmates tried to save him but he fought them off
>>> bravely. They cremated him and it took three days to put out the fire.
>>>
>>> I'm sorry to say that your cousin Seamus was arrested while riding his
>>> bicycle last week. They are charging him with dope peddling.
>>> I went to the doctor on Thursday and your father went with me. The
>>> doctor put a small tube in my mouth and told me not to talk for ten
>>> minutes. Your father offered to buy it from him.
>>>
>>> The weather isn't bad here. It only rained twice this week, first for
>>> three days and then for four days Monday was so windy one of the
>>> chickens laid the same egg four times.
>>>
>>> We had a letter from the undertaker. He said if the last payment on
>>> your grandmother's plot wasn't paid in seven days, up she comes.
>>>
>>> About that coat you wanted me to send you, your Uncle Stanley said it
>>> would be too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut
>>> them off and put them in the pockets.
>>>
>>> John locked his keys in the car yesterday.. We were really worried
>>> because it took him two hours to get me and your father out.
>>> Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pick-up truck. Ralph was
>>> driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your other two
>>> friends were in the back. They drowned because they couldn't get the
>>> tailgate down. There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much has
>>> happened.
>>>
>>> Your loving Mum.
>>>
>>>
>>> P.S. I was going to send you some money but I had already sealed the
>>> envelope.
Yep, sure sounds Irish to me! Great yarn!