We left our home behind us about 6 weeks ago. A time for the two of us to start enjoying our retirement.
Currently in Qld catching up with our second eldest son who we haven't seen for about 5 years and our grand daughter.
Since we left we have been bombarded with phone calls from family members which has been driving us crazy and more often about stupid things.
We are thinking of telling them all that we are going to disconnect our phones and the only way they can contact us is by email.
We are both getting jack of the constant annoyance. Then the serious calls start happening.
1. Last week we got a number of phone calls about one of our brother-in-laws who has had a major heart attack and requires a triple by-pass.
2. Two days later a number of calls come through about another brother-in-law who has now be diagnosed with liver cancer.
3. A couple of days back, more phone calls, my father-in-law has collapsed and taken to hospital in a bad way with possible kidney failure and the prognosis is not good.
4. More distressing calls, a daughter-in-law who is separated from one of our kids has had major issues with him and now the police are involved.
We have been considering leaving the van and vehicle in Qld and flying back to Sydney.
Each time our phones ring, we just look at each other and one of us will say "what the *$#k now".
Syl mentioned something about visiting Bunnings to purchase a 4x2, and introduce it to a couple of our sons. (at least she still has some humor)
All this is beginning to take its toll on us.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (we both say).
a D and S
Happywanderer said
09:40 PM Dec 11, 2012
Turn those phones off quick or go somewhere out of range so you can't be found. There are many times when I would like to do the same.
As my son said when he came down with gallstones after I left Qld and had to have gallbladder removed. "Unless you intend doing the operation no point coming back" I took his advice and stayed down here in Vic.
Roving-Dutchy said
10:21 PM Dec 11, 2012
It's not long ago, when if you were away travelling it wasn't possible to be contacted, unless it was an extreme emergency and police would attempt to find you. Turn off your phones and take back control and then call the family at a time of your choosing, don't call too often and after speaking to your family, turn the phones off again. During our trip around Australia 15 years ago we told our family if there was an emergency they could leave a voice mail message and we would check our voice mail a couple of times a week and only return if there an extreme emergency. I don't really understand why it has become necessary to be contactable every minute of the day. Cheers David
the rocket said
10:47 PM Dec 11, 2012
Hi, don't let these "hiccups" destroy your dream holiday. Certainly lots happening which is upsetting. I dislike being "on call" 24x7 and at times choose not to take my mobile when I leave the house and if I do not want anyone elses worries I turn the dam thing off. I hope all settles down for you so you can both stop worrying and be able to think of yourselves and enjoy what you want to do. Happy travels.
Gerty Dancer said
11:10 PM Dec 11, 2012
Next time say "Theres nothing we can do about this". Because there really isnt. If you were to return home it would it really make much difference? Some families like to have control over each other by putting guilt or worry on them, perhaps they are jealous of your hoped-for freedom! I agree with Roving-Dutchy... Leave your phone off, and check messages when you are good and ready!
jules47 said
11:31 PM Dec 11, 2012
That is one of the problems - especially if you have always been there for their little problems (though some aren't very nice) - but your kids expect you to be available at all times - it is time to cut the apron strings - go somewhere they can't get in touch. Make a time once a week when you will be sure to be available -for a short call. One of the problems our kids don't think we are young enough to do what we are doing!
As for other members of the family - well, as HappyWanderer says, unless you are going to operate - what can you do if you go back???
enjoy your travels - head somewhere remote - no reception - they will get used to it!
brickies said
11:36 PM Dec 11, 2012
This is a hard one when we are away we like to kept in touch with family just has we would at home , On our last trip we were away 5 months and had 2 death in the family we didn't go home or go to any funerals but were able to support family by phone and email , We can only do what feels right to you but we like to be informed while we are on the road and don't see that has a problem and hope that if we needed support it would be there .
Sheba said
01:38 AM Dec 12, 2012
This might sound harsh, but what would they do if you were no longer here ? [Dead.] You have your own life to live, and they have to learn to stand on their own two feet.
You can't do anything about the medical problems, and those people are in the best places for them to be. The relevant authorities will be handling the domestic matter, although a 'phone call from you might help cool things down.
I would not go rushing back at this stage though.
Try and stay calm, and enjoy what you're doing.
Cheers,
Sheba.
jetj said
01:50 AM Dec 12, 2012
Wow, not good. Only you can decide what to do and if you can indeed do something that will make a difference. Good Luck I hope things get better.
Pejay said
04:39 AM Dec 12, 2012
Oh how I feel for you DandS, we too have been through a couple of situations like this, and now they can all go get *?9%3ik*n.!!! I am sick of my rellies 'upping me' for heading off after clerance from my mother's doctor - a case of 'how dare you go away'!! A real case of jealousy, trust me, and another decided that I should have stopped and 'been with Mum'! Both lots 'blow in/blow out' visiting her, then have the hide to send me scathing emails (one was 56 HOURS AFTER THE VISIT) and abusing the crap out of me - but when the facts were put to them - not another word. It's been a quiet couple of months, Mum's OK, rallied (yet again) and carrying on as usual (til the next time), so we are taking off again next week! Oh joy, oh bliss!!!
neilnruth said
05:07 AM Dec 12, 2012
Yes, after a few phone calls that upset our holidays we turn the phones off at night (when the kids usually ring). There is usually nothing you can do if you are there. But the choice has to be yours. Hope just 'airing' the problem has helped somewhat.
kandagal said
05:26 PM Dec 12, 2012
Families can be both a joy & a pain in the butt. Try to not let them spoil your time away together. Because we have been on the road so many years my family have learnt that we are not there most of the time to help sort out life's little problems but for something major we would be there at the drop of a hat.
brickies said
06:33 PM Dec 12, 2012
I wonder how many grey nomads hit the road to get away from bad situations at home , We are lucky have great extended family which we would not trade for anything , when we are on the road they are great back up like checking the house if needed , we redirect mail to them and they email us the bill we have to pay we may be lucky
Duh said
08:31 PM Dec 12, 2012
A couple of years back when we had a caravan, we had a family situation in WA that SWMBO felt she had to return to Perth for, we were in Darwin at the time. I may add it was not a life threatening situation.
So SWMBO flew back to Perth and it was arranged that I would continue on with the caravan returning it to Perth. I may add I have a heart condition requiring twice daily medication, so not in the greatest shape to be travelling long distances on my own. We were on the homeward leg at the time and would have taken that liesurely and looked around etc but there didn't seem much point anymore on my own so I just made a beeline for home. I did however stay for a week in Carnarvon where some rellies were staying in a caravan park, SWMBO did not want to join me there because of the cost of flying there etc (about the same cost as flying over East).
I was not impressed with having a long planned trip interrupted by some piddling thing that was of no consequence.
Even now, there are times (including Xmas) that I wish I was kms away on a trip to get away from all the hussle and bussel of being home.
I suppose what I am trying to say is don't let others rule your life and retirement.
Nicholstones said
02:43 AM Dec 13, 2012
Some years ago before we retired we were talking about maybe retiring from Melbourne to Echuca (on the Murray River). A little later we said we were now thinking of retiring to Coffs Harbour (NSW mid-north coast). At that time my mother lived in Cobram (about 100km from Echuca). My brother sent me an email saying he thought I should reconsider as it was too far from Mum who might need support as she got older, I didn't even bother to respond to point out that Coffs Harbour was still a lot closer than California where he lived (and still does)!
DandS said
06:10 AM Dec 13, 2012
Thanks to All, for your views, opinions and experiences, much appreciated.
We are surprised by that we have not been the only ones that have had to endure this type of problem.
We both decided to opt for an early retirement and explained to our families why we have made the decision.
It appears as though some think that we should not be off doing what we want to do, and enjoying life.
When we do return to Sydney which will only be for a few weeks, before we start heading south, we have decided to have a stern talk to our families, and that we are not prepared to have our adventure ruined by their problems. NO MORE !
Today we turned off our mobiles. Met up with a couple of friends we havent seen for sometime and then off to shop for a special gift for our grand daughter.
We both had a very relaxing and enjoyable day. Syl asked if it was possible to divorce our kids. (May seek some legal advice on that one. LOL)
On we travel.
Thanks again to all
Daryl & Sylvie
Gerty Dancer said
05:39 PM Dec 13, 2012
Try not to be too stern DandS, its a big learning curve for them, they are out of their comfort zone not having you to sort out their problems. But be firm!
Onward.. enjoy!
jules47 said
06:12 PM Dec 13, 2012
Yep - mum and dad have always been there for them, now you are not - and they do not know how to cope with this. As Gerty says, don't be too stern - just explain that this is YOUR time now - you have given them the best you can over their lives - they need to be independent now, and so do you.
Enjoy your travels - make a time to speak to them once a week, sympathise with their problems, but make sure they know that it IS their problem, not yours.
Beth54 said
07:19 PM Dec 14, 2012
I feel for you DandS, although I haven't had this experience. My kids are quite independant. My daughter will sometimes ring, but not my sons. Not for problems anyway. Not to say they don't care about me, but I've had enough problems myself, so they don't bother me with theirs.
I'd suggest the support from afar, as someone suggested. Either by phone or email.
In regard to your scathing email Pejay, I'd delete that person from my contact list real quick!
DandS, I hope you can sort it out and return to your wondeful lifestyle stress free.
Evie n Rhys said
05:41 PM Dec 16, 2012
I would like to know what it is about young people today. When my folks were alive my sisters and I begged dad to go off and travel and mum only had a few minor trips she wanted to do really but he insisted on being careful so he would have something to leave to us. Don't get me wrong we are very grateful for what they left us but would have been much happier to see them enjoy what they earned before they left us. Today kids think the "baby boomers" are a selfish lot who think of no one but themselves. Well I for one feel I have done everything humanly possible to support and provide for my children. I will still help where I'm needed when I can but I have slowly made that gap a little wider and I'm better off for it, So are they I feel. At no time in my growing years did my siblings and I have the conversation or even utter the words "our inheritance". What you have earnt is yours until you are no longer here and only then does it become an inheritance. As far as parenting goes, we work towards making our children independant and self sufficient, let them get on with it. If there is a dire and immediate need for assistance of course you will be there if it is REALLY needed and appropriate. I'll step off my soap box now, have a good day all of you. Tess
chrisnchris said
06:57 PM Dec 16, 2012
Hi all This is a really interesting post but for me ( and hubby to a degree ) its the other way round I can't bear to be away from my grandbabies ( 11 3 and 1 ) for very long at all Our 3 kids live quite close and we see them most days . Does anyone else have this problem Cheers
Beth54 said
05:18 AM Dec 17, 2012
Chrisnchris, my sister doesn't like to go away for more than 3 months, mostly because she misses the kids and grandies so much. I think bil would like to do 'the block' but she doesn't want to be away that long.
I should also say that on retirement they moved 3 hours away from the kids to Tin Can Bay. I think they've worked it well. Their kids are all independent but while we were travelling together, their kids rang regularly just to chat and make sure they were enjoying themselves. None of them, or mine called with problems and none of them would expect us to fly home for dramas. In fact, I don't think they'd even tell us of dramas unless it was a dire emergency.
Cruising Granny said
05:55 AM Dec 17, 2012
I've been a nomad since childhood. While I love my children and grandchildren, I don't want to be a clingy granny, and I do want to pursue a life of my own. All my life I've been leaving people and things behind, and moving on as I was moved from family to family. One of my daughters doesn't approve of my trailer park lifestyle. Tuff titties to her. She'd like me to be hanging around so I could child sit when it suits her. Not going to happen. I was, and still am, a single mum of 3. All very diverse in lifestyle and personalities. I like to visit for as long as it suits me, and then go again. It can be very easy to be taken advantage of, and to let yourself be taken advantage of in the name of family love. You are not deserting them. You are handing responsibility over to them, and that's a great thing to do right now. They need to toughen up and get on with it. I don't tell my kids about my health or other life issues, and they don't tell me much either. While my circumstances are different to you, who is clinging to whom? It's great to love the children we gave birth to, but we don't have to cling to the adults they've become. If close rellies are sick and/or dying you need to decide if you want to share a final time with them. What is important to you? Your post indicates you are not happy about being burdened, or even summonsed home. Let them grow up to run their own lives. Now is a good time to start, because there will be a time when you won't be. Don't let them guilt you into going home. They should be supportive and proud, and let you go, looking forward to the weekly email reporting your travel experiences. Would they put their lives and dreams on hold for you?
We left our home behind us about 6 weeks ago. A time for the two of us to start enjoying our retirement.
Currently in Qld catching up with our second eldest son who we haven't seen for about 5 years and our grand daughter.
Since we left we have been bombarded with phone calls from family members which has been driving us crazy and more often about stupid things.
We are thinking of telling them all that we are going to disconnect our phones and the only way they can contact us is by email.
We are both getting jack of the constant annoyance. Then the serious calls start happening.
1. Last week we got a number of phone calls about one of our brother-in-laws who has had a major heart attack and requires a triple by-pass.
2. Two days later a number of calls come through about another brother-in-law who has now be diagnosed with liver cancer.
3. A couple of days back, more phone calls, my father-in-law has collapsed and taken to hospital in a bad way with possible kidney failure and the prognosis is not good.
4. More distressing calls, a daughter-in-law who is separated from one of our kids has had major issues with him and now the police are involved.
We have been considering leaving the van and vehicle in Qld and flying back to Sydney.
Each time our phones ring, we just look at each other and one of us will say "what the *$#k now".
Syl mentioned something about visiting Bunnings to purchase a 4x2, and introduce it to a couple of our sons. (at least she still has some humor)
All this is beginning to take its toll on us.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (we both say).
a
D and S
There are many times when I would like to do the same.
As my son said when he came down with gallstones after I left Qld and had to have gallbladder removed. "Unless you intend doing the operation no point coming back" I took his advice and stayed down here in Vic.
Turn off your phones and take back control and then call the family at a time of your choosing, don't call too often and after speaking to your family, turn the phones off again.
During our trip around Australia 15 years ago we told our family if there was an emergency they could leave a voice mail message and we would check our voice mail a couple of times a week and only return if there an extreme emergency.
I don't really understand why it has become necessary to be contactable every minute of the day.
Cheers
David
Hi, don't let these "hiccups" destroy your dream holiday. Certainly lots happening which is upsetting. I dislike being "on call" 24x7 and at times choose not to take my mobile when I leave the house and if I do not want anyone elses worries I turn the dam thing off. I hope all settles down for you so you can both stop worrying and be able to think of yourselves and enjoy what you want to do. Happy travels.
I agree with Roving-Dutchy... Leave your phone off, and check messages when you are good and ready!
As for other members of the family - well, as HappyWanderer says, unless you are going to operate - what can you do if you go back???
enjoy your travels - head somewhere remote - no reception - they will get used to it!
This might sound harsh, but what would they do if you were no longer here ? [Dead.] You have your own life to live, and they have to learn to stand on their own two feet.
You can't do anything about the medical problems, and those people are in the best places for them to be. The relevant authorities will be handling the domestic matter, although a 'phone call from you might help cool things down.
I would not go rushing back at this stage though.
Try and stay calm, and enjoy what you're doing.
Cheers,
Sheba.
Wow, not good. Only you can decide what to do and if you can indeed do something that will make a difference. Good Luck I hope things get better.
A couple of years back when we had a caravan, we had a family situation in WA that SWMBO felt she had to return to Perth for, we were in Darwin at the time. I may add it was not a life threatening situation.
So SWMBO flew back to Perth and it was arranged that I would continue on with the caravan returning it to Perth. I may add I have a heart condition requiring twice daily medication, so not in the greatest shape to be travelling long distances on my own. We were on the homeward leg at the time and would have taken that liesurely and looked around etc but there didn't seem much point anymore on my own so I just made a beeline for home. I did however stay for a week in Carnarvon where some rellies were staying in a caravan park, SWMBO did not want to join me there because of the cost of flying there etc (about the same cost as flying over East).
I was not impressed with having a long planned trip interrupted by some piddling thing that was of no consequence.
Even now, there are times (including Xmas) that I wish I was kms away on a trip to get away from all the hussle and bussel of being home.
I suppose what I am trying to say is don't let others rule your life and retirement.
Thanks to All, for your views, opinions and experiences, much appreciated.
We are surprised by that we have not been the only ones that have had to endure this type of problem.
We both decided to opt for an early retirement and explained to our families why we have made the decision.
It appears as though some think that we should not be off doing what we want to do, and enjoying life.
When we do return to Sydney which will only be for a few weeks, before we start heading south, we have decided to have a stern talk to our families, and that we are not prepared to have our adventure ruined by their problems. NO MORE !
Today we turned off our mobiles. Met up with a couple of friends we havent seen for sometime and then off to shop for a special gift for our grand daughter.
We both had a very relaxing and enjoyable day. Syl asked if it was possible to divorce our kids. (May seek some legal advice on that one. LOL)
On we travel.
Thanks again to all
Daryl & Sylvie
But be firm!
Onward.. enjoy!
Enjoy your travels - make a time to speak to them once a week, sympathise with their problems, but make sure they know that it IS their problem, not yours.
I feel for you DandS, although I haven't had this experience. My kids are quite independant. My daughter will sometimes ring, but not my sons. Not for problems anyway. Not to say they don't care about me, but I've had enough problems myself, so they don't bother me with theirs.
I'd suggest the support from afar, as someone suggested. Either by phone or email.
In regard to your scathing email Pejay, I'd delete that person from my contact list real quick!
DandS, I hope you can sort it out and return to your wondeful lifestyle stress free.
I'll step off my soap box now, have a good day all of you.
Tess
This is a really interesting post but for me ( and hubby to a degree ) its the other way round
I can't bear to be away from my grandbabies ( 11 3 and 1 ) for very long at all
Our 3 kids live quite close and we see them most days .
Does anyone else have this problem
Cheers
Chrisnchris, my sister doesn't like to go away for more than 3 months, mostly because she misses the kids and grandies so much. I think bil would like to do 'the block' but she doesn't want to be away that long.
I should also say that on retirement they moved 3 hours away from the kids to Tin Can Bay. I think they've worked it well. Their kids are all independent but while we were travelling together, their kids rang regularly just to chat and make sure they were enjoying themselves. None of them, or mine called with problems and none of them would expect us to fly home for dramas. In fact, I don't think they'd even tell us of dramas unless it was a dire emergency.
All my life I've been leaving people and things behind, and moving on as I was moved from family to family.
One of my daughters doesn't approve of my trailer park lifestyle. Tuff titties to her. She'd like me to be hanging around so I could child sit when it suits her. Not going to happen.
I was, and still am, a single mum of 3. All very diverse in lifestyle and personalities.
I like to visit for as long as it suits me, and then go again. It can be very easy to be taken advantage of, and to let yourself be taken advantage of in the name of family love. You are not deserting them. You are handing responsibility over to them, and that's a great thing to do right now. They need to toughen up and get on with it.
I don't tell my kids about my health or other life issues, and they don't tell me much either.
While my circumstances are different to you, who is clinging to whom?
It's great to love the children we gave birth to, but we don't have to cling to the adults they've become.
If close rellies are sick and/or dying you need to decide if you want to share a final time with them. What is important to you?
Your post indicates you are not happy about being burdened, or even summonsed home. Let them grow up to run their own lives. Now is a good time to start, because there will be a time when you won't be.
Don't let them guilt you into going home. They should be supportive and proud, and let you go, looking forward to the weekly email reporting your travel experiences.
Would they put their lives and dreams on hold for you?
Ditto.