Women really aren't that complicated if you follow these simple steps to getting your lady in the mood for loving.

• Leave the toilet seat up. She will thank you when she realizes that the exercise she gets from putting it down several times a day will stop her from developing the dreaded bingo wings.
• Insist on watching ALL televised sports, then fall asleep watching it. Snore. Loudly. When she turns the channel over, wake up and complain telling her "Hey! I was watching that!"
• Never miss an opportunity to do the naked penis-dance. Wiggle hips from side to side so that your penis slaps on your thighs. Add accompanying crude comments as you see fit. Chicks can't resist this!
• Wait until she bends over into the dishwasher, is picking up toys, or is cleaning the bath, and dry hump her backside. She'll be like putty in your hand after that deft manoeuvers, mate...putty!
• Scratch your testicles, particularly in front of her friends, and her mother.
• Burp the alphabet at the dining table, in front of the kids.
• Leave your toe-nails in a little pile on the arm of the couch after you've trimmed them.
• Fart in bed. Let's face it...farts are hilarious, right?
• Tell her she is turning into her mother.
• Sulk when she turns over in bed because she is tired and wants to go to sleep. Ask her what has happened to her? She used to be way more fun before you had kids.
• Wait until she is asleep, and then tap her on the shoulder and try again.