A man wakes up in the hospital bandaged from head to foot.

The doctor comes in and says, Ah, I see youve regained consciousness.

Now you probably wont remember, but you were in a huge pile-up on the freeway.

Youre going to be okay, youll walk again and everything, however, your penis was severed in the accident and we couldnt find it.

The man groans, but the doctor goes on, You have $9000 in insurance compensation coming and we now have the technology to build a new penis. They work great but they dont come cheap. Its roughly $1000 an inch.

The man perks up.

So, the doctor says, You must decide how many inches you want. I understand that you have been married for over thirty years and this is something you should discuss with your wife. If you had a five incher before and get a nine incher now she might be a bit put out.

If you had a nine incher before and you decide to only invest in a five incher now, she might be disappointed. Its important that she plays a role in helping you make a decision.

The man agrees to talk it over with his wife.

The doctor comes back the next day, So, have you spoken with your wife?

Yes I have, says the man.

And has she helped you make a decision?

Yes, she has, says the man.

What is your decision? asks the doctor.

Were getting granite kitchen tops.