The missus bought a Paperback,

   down Shepton Mallet way,             

   I had a look inside her bag;             

   ... T'was "Fifty Shades of Grey".

   Well I just left her to it,

   And at ten I went to bed.

   An hour later she appeared;

   The sight filled me with dread...

   In her left she held a rope;

   And in her right a whip!

   She threw them down upon the floor,

   And then began to strip.

   Well fifty years or so ago;

   I might have had a peek;

   But Mabel hasn't weathered well;      

   Could not have been much grimmer.

   And things then went from bad to worse;

   She toppled off her Zimmer!

   She struggled back upon her feet;

   A couple minutes later;

   She put her teeth back in and said

   I am a dominator !!

   Now if you knew our Mabel,                 

   You'd see just why I spluttered,

   I'd spent two months in traction

   For the last complaint I'd uttered.

   She stood there nude and naked

   Bent forward just a bit

   I went to hold her, sensual like

   and stood on her left tit!

   Mabel screamed, her teeth shot out;         

   My God what had I done!?

   She moaned and groaned then shouted out:

   "Step on the other one!!

   Well readers, I can tell no more;

   Of what occurred that day.

   Suffice to say my jet black hair,

   Turned fifty shades of grey.