The European Union Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be

the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was

the other possibility.

 

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English

spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5 year phase-in

plan that would become known as "Euro-English" .

 

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make

the sivil servants jump with joy.

 

The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up

konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

 

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the

troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f ". This will make words like

fotograf 20% shorter.

 

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to

reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

 

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always

ben a deterent to akurate speling.

 

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is

disgrasful and it should go away.

 

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with

"z" and "w" with "v".

 

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou"

and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl riten styl.

 

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu

understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

 

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze

forst plas.