These were posted on an Australian tourism website, and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a great sense of humour (not to mention a low tolerance threshold for cretins!) _________________________ _______________________ Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV. How do the plants grow? (UK). A: We import all plants fully grown, and then just sit around watching them die. _________________________ _________________________ Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA) A: Depends how much you've been drinking. _______________________________ ___________________ Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden) A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles. Take lots of water. _________________________ _________________________ Q: Are there any ATM's (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns , Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK) A: What did your last slave die of? _________________________________ _________________ Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing inAustralia? (USA) A: Af-ri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south ofEurope. Aust-ra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not ... Oh, forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked. _________________________ _________________________ Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA) A: Face south, and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions. _________________________ ________________________ Q: Can I bring cutlery in to Australia? (UK) A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do. _________________________________ _________________ Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA) A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is .... Oh, forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked. _________________________ _________________________ Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK) A: You are a British politician, right? _______ _________________________ __________________ Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany) A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal. _________________________ _________________________ Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA) A: Rattlesnakes live in A-mer-ica, which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled, and make good pets. _________________________ _________________________ Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name; it's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA) A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking. ___________________________________________ _______ Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather. ___ _________________________ ______________________
Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France) A: Only at Christmas. _________________________ _________________________
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA) A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.
-- Edited by Vic41 on Monday 10th of March 2014 05:50:10 PM
Love it Vic. All good advice there. Very informative map too.
Vic41 said
10:19 PM Mar 10, 2014
Dougwe wrote:
Love it Vic. All good advice there. Very informative map too.
I just had an email from the US, they want to know if they come to Oz where they can find some girls to travel with like those in your Avatar....
Bryan said
10:21 PM Mar 10, 2014
Great read Vic.Loved it.
Vic41 said
10:24 PM Mar 10, 2014
Gave me a chuckle too Bryan, the comments on the map are tongue in cheek and not particularly where events happened etc, but who cares, gave me a laugh. I sent it to a Brit friend of mine, it's probably doing the round of the UK at the moment, LOL
These were posted on an Australian tourism website, and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a great sense of humour (not to mention a low tolerance threshold for cretins!)
_________________________ _______________________
Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV. How do the plants grow? (UK).
A: We import all plants fully grown, and then just sit around watching them die.
_________________________ _________________________
Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
_______________________________ ___________________
Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? ( Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles. Take lots of water.
_________________________ _________________________
Q: Are there any ATM's (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns , Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?
_________________________________ _________________
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing inAustralia? (USA)
A: Af-ri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south ofEurope.
Aust-ra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not ...
Oh, forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.
_________________________ _________________________
Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A: Face south, and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
_________________________ ________________________
Q: Can I bring cutlery in to Australia? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
_________________________________ _________________
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is ....
Oh, forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
_________________________ _________________________
Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)
A: You are a British politician, right?
_______ _________________________ __________________
Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.
_________________________ _________________________
Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-mer-ica, which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled, and make good pets.
_________________________ _________________________
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name; it's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them.
You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
___________________________________________ _______
Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia?
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
___ _________________________ ______________________
Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
A: Only at Christmas.
_________________________ _________________________
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.
-- Edited by Vic41 on Monday 10th of March 2014 05:50:10 PM
I just had an email from the US, they want to know if they come to Oz where they can find some girls to travel with like those in your Avatar....
Great read Vic.Loved it.
Gave me a chuckle too Bryan, the comments on the map are tongue in cheek and not particularly where events happened etc, but who cares, gave me a laugh. I sent it to a Brit friend of mine, it's probably doing the round of the UK at the moment, LOL