You have to hand it to them! 

Now on sale at IKEA - LESBIAN beds, no nuts or screwing involved, it's all tongue and groove... 
  
A Muslim has been shot in the head with a starting pistol; police say it's definitely race related... 

Due to a water shortage in Ireland, Dublin swimming baths have announced they are closing lanes 7 and 8.... 

Paddy thought his new girlfriend might be the one but after looking through her knickers drawer and finding a nurse's outfit, a French maids outfit, and a police womans uniform, he finally decided if she can't hold down a job, she's not for him 

I got sacked from my job as a bingo caller the other day apparently, 'A meal for two with a terrible view' isn't the best way to announce number 69 

Paddy is doing some roofing work for Murphy He nears the top of the ladder and starts shaking and going dizzy. He calls down to Murphy and says"I tink I will ave to go home, I've come all over giddy and feel sick." 
Murphy asks "Ave yer got vertigo?" Paddy replies "No I only live round the corner." 

After 100 years lying on the sea bed, Irish divers were amazed to find that the Titanics swimming pool was still full.