Something for seniors to do to keep those "aging" grey cells active!
1. Johnny 's mother had three children. The first child was named April. The second child was named May....What was the third child 's name?
2. There is a clerk at the butchery shop, he is five feet ten inches tall and he wears size 13 sneakers....What does he weigh?
3. Before Mt. Everest was discovered,...what was the highest mountain in the world?
4. How much dirt is there in a hole...that measures two feet by three feet by four feet?
5. What word in the English Language...is always spelled incorrectly?
6. Billy was born on December 28th, yet his birthday is always in the winter .....How is this possible?
7. In California , you cannot take a picture of a man with a wooden leg....Why not?
8. What was the President 's Name...in 1975?
9. If you were running a race,...and you passed the person in 2nd place, what place would you be in now?
10. Which is correct to say,..."The yolk of the egg are white" or "The yolk of the egg is white"?
11. If a farmer has 5 haystacks in one field and 4 haystacks in the other field,....how many haystacks would he have if he combined them all in another field?
Here are the Answers 1. Johnny 's mother had three children. Thefirst childwas named April The second child was named May.Whatwas the third child 's name?Answer:Johnny of course 2. There is a clerk at the butcher shop, he is five feet ten inches tall, and he wears size 13 sneakers. What does he weigh?
Answer:Meat.
3. Before Mt. Everest was discovered, what was the highest mountain in the world?
Answer:Mt. Everest; it just wasn 't discovered yet. [ You 're not very good at this are you?]
4. How much dirt is there in a hole that measures two feet by three feet by four feet?
Answer:There is no dirt in a hole.
5. What word in the English Language is always spelled incorrectly?
Answer:Incorrectly
6. Billy was born on December 28th, yet his birthday is always in the winter. How is this possible?
Answer:Billy lives in the northern Hemisphere
7. In California , you cannot take a picture of a man with a wooden leg. Why not?
Answer:You can 't take pictures with a wooden leg. You need a camera to take pictures.
8. What was the President 's Name in 1975?
Answer: Same as is it now -Barack Obama [Oh, come on ...]
9. If you were running a race, and you passed the person in 2nd place, what place would you be in now?
Answer:You would be in 2nd. Well, you passed the person in second place, not first.
10. Which is correct to say, "The yolk of the egg are white" or "The yolk of the egg is white"?
Answer:Neither, the yolk of the egg is yellow [Duh]
11. If a farmer has 5 haystacks in one field and 4 haystacks in the other field, how many haystacks would he have if he combined them all in another field?
Answer:One. If he combines all of his haystacks, they all become one big one.
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IMPOSSIBILITIES IN THE WORLD
1) You can't count your hair.
2) You can't wash your eyes with soap.
3) You can't breathe through your nose when your tongue is out.
Put your tongue back in your mouth, you silly person.
Ten (10) Things I know about you.
1) You are reading this.
2) You are human.
3) You can't say the letter ''P'' without separating your lips.
4) You just attempted to do it.
6) You are laughing at yourself.
7) You have a smile on your face and you skipped No. 5.
8) You just checked to see if there is a No. 5.
9) You laugh at this because you are a fun loving person & everyone does it too.
10) You are probably going to send this to see who else falls for it.
You have received this e-mail because I didn't want to be alone in the idiot category.
Last week, the Governor General, Quentin Bryce, returning from visiting flood-ravaged Bundaberg, disembarked from her official RAAF flight at Canberra Airport, carrying a small piglet under each arm. Her ADC, a bright, young Army officer, there to greet her, came to attention, snapped off a salute and said: "Welcome back, Ma'am. Nice pigs." The Governor General replied: "These are not just pigs. These are authentic Burnett River Razorback hogs. I got one for the Prime Minister, Julia Gillard and one for Kevin Rudd, the former Prime Minister." The ADC, still at attention, smiled and said: "Excellent trade, Ma'am."
Two medical students were walking along the street when they saw an old man
walking with his legs spread apart. He was stiff-legged and walking slowly.
One student said to his friend:"I'm sure that poor old man has Peltry Syndrome.
Those people walk just like that."
The other student says:"No, I don't think so. The old man surely has Zovitzki Syndrome.
He walks slowly and his legs are apart, just as we learned in class."
Since they couldn't agree, they decided to ask the old man.They approached him and one of the students said to him,"We're medical students and couldn't help but notice the way you walk.
We couldn't agree on the syndrome you might have. Could you tell us what it is?"
The old man said,"I'll tell you. But first you tell me what you two fine medical students think."
The first student said, "I think it's Peltry Syndrome."
The old man said, "You thought - but you are wrong."
The other student said, "I think you have Zovitzki Syndrome."
The old man said, "You thought - but you are wrong."
So they asked him, "Well, old-timer, what do you have?"
The old man said,"I thought it was WIND - but I was wrong, too!"
Sent from my iPad
ADULT:
A person who has stopped growing at both ends
And is now growing in the middle.
BEAUTY PARLOUR:
A place where women curl up and dye.
CHICKENS:
The only animals you eat before they are born and when they are dead.
COMMITTEE:
A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.
DUST:
Mud with the juice squeezed out.
EGOTIST:
Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.
HANDKERCHIEF:
Cold Storage.
INFLATION:
Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.
MOSQUITO:
An insect that makes you like flies better.
RAISIN:
A grape with a sunburn.
SECRET:
Something you tell to one person at a time.
SKELETON:
A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.
TOOTHACHE:
The pain that drives you to extraction.
TOMORROW:
One of the greatest labour saving devices of today.
Last week, the Governor General, Quentin Bryce, returning from visiting flood-ravaged Bundaberg,
disembarked from her official RAAF flight at Canberra Airport, carrying a small piglet under each arm.
Her ADC, a bright, young Army officer, there to greet her, came to attention, snapped off a salute and said:
"Welcome back, Ma'am. Nice pigs."
The Governor General replied: "These are not just pigs. These are authentic Burnett River Razorback hogs.
I got one for the Prime Minister, Julia Gillard and one for Kevin Rudd, the former Prime Minister."
The ADC, still at attention, smiled and said:
"Excellent trade, Ma'am."
The old man said, "I thought it was WIND - but I was wrong, too!"
Sent from my iPad