...... a few humourous takes on Elderly Sex.... a tad P/Incorrect.
Goldfinger said
09:14 AM Jul 22, 2015
I am hosting a charity concert for people who struggle to reach orgasm.
If you can't come let me know.....
Some interesting views on Elderly Sex...
1. Actually you can have a healthy sex life well into your later years...assuming you can stand the sight of people your age naked.......
2. One night and 87 year old woman came home from Bingo and found her 92 year old husband in bed with another woman.
She became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their 20th floor, assisted living apartment,..killing him instantly.
Brought before the court on a charge of murder, the Judge asked her if she had anything to say in her defence.
She begain coolly, "Yes, your Honor I figured that at 92, if he could have sex......
He could also fly....."
3. A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th Wedding Anniversary.
The husband yelled, "When you die, I'm getting YOU a headstone that reads:
'HERE LIES MY WIFE - COLD AS EVER.'"
"Yeah?" she replies "when you die I'm getting YOU a headstone that reads:
'HERE LIES MY HUSBAND -STIFF AT LAST".
4......and here's that' blow job' you always wanted....... as she cupped his ashes and blew them all over his favourite rose bush.....
5. My husband came home with a tube of K Y jelly and said,
"This ought to make you happy tonight".......
He was right...when he went out of the bedroom, I squirted it all over the doorknobs.
He couldn't get back in!.......
6. Two elderly men were talking. "So, how's your sex life?"
"Oh nothing special, I'm having Centrelink sex".
"Centrelink sex??" what do you mean?
" Yeah, you know: I get a little each month, but not enough to live on!".......
7. An elderly wife went to see a therapist and said,
"I've got a big problem, Doctor..
Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes, He lets out an ear splitting YELL."
"My dear", the Doctor said "that's completely natural..I don't see what your problem is."
"The problem is,"..she complained,.."it wakes me up!"........
8. Tired of a listless love life, the man came right out and asked his wife, during a recent lovemaking session,
"How come you never tell me when you have an orgasm?"
She glanced at him and replied," Well...you're never home!".....
9. An elderly man was in a terrible accident, and his "manhood" was mangled and torn from his body.
His Doctor assured him that modern medicine could give him back his "manhood" but his Health Insurance wouldn't cover the cost of the surgery, since it was considered cosmetic.
The Doctor gave him various costing options: $3,500 for small, $6,500 for medium, and $14,000 for the 'Bob Hawke'......
The man was sure he 'desired' a medium, or the" tripod" Bob Hawke,...but his Doctor urged him to talk it over with his wife before making any decision.
The man called his wife on the phone and explained 'their' options.
The Doctor came back into the room, and found the man looking decidedly dejected.
"Well what have the two of you decided?" said his Doctor.
"She'd rather remodel our kitchen"..............
Hoo Roo.
..
-- Edited by Goldfinger on Wednesday 22nd of July 2015 09:19:22 AM
-- Edited by Goldfinger on Thursday 23rd of July 2015 08:48:06 AM
I am hosting a charity concert for people who struggle to reach orgasm.
If you can't come let me know.....
Some interesting views on Elderly Sex...
1. Actually you can have a healthy sex life well into your later years...assuming you can stand the sight of people your age naked.......
2. One night and 87 year old woman came home from Bingo and found her 92 year old husband in bed with another woman.
She became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their 20th floor, assisted living apartment,..killing him instantly.
Brought before the court on a charge of murder, the Judge asked her if she had anything to say in her defence.
She begain coolly, "Yes, your Honor I figured that at 92, if he could have sex......
He could also fly....."
3. A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th Wedding Anniversary.
The husband yelled, "When you die, I'm getting YOU a headstone that reads:
'HERE LIES MY WIFE - COLD AS EVER.'"
"Yeah?" she replies "when you die I'm getting YOU a headstone that reads:
'HERE LIES MY HUSBAND -STIFF AT LAST".
4......and here's that' blow job' you always wanted....... as she cupped his ashes and blew them all over his favourite rose bush.....
5. My husband came home with a tube of K Y jelly and said,
"This ought to make you happy tonight".......
He was right...when he went out of the bedroom, I squirted it all over the doorknobs.
He couldn't get back in!.......
6. Two elderly men were talking. "So, how's your sex life?"
"Oh nothing special, I'm having Centrelink sex".
"Centrelink sex??" what do you mean?
" Yeah, you know: I get a little each month, but not enough to live on!".......
7. An elderly wife went to see a therapist and said,
"I've got a big problem, Doctor..
Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes, He lets out an ear splitting YELL."
"My dear", the Doctor said "that's completely natural..I don't see what your problem is."
"The problem is,"..she complained,.."it wakes me up!"........
8. Tired of a listless love life, the man came right out and asked his wife, during a recent lovemaking session,
"How come you never tell me when you have an orgasm?"
She glanced at him and replied," Well...you're never home!".....
9. An elderly man was in a terrible accident, and his "manhood" was mangled and torn from his body.
His Doctor assured him that modern medicine could give him back his "manhood" but his Health Insurance wouldn't cover the cost of the surgery, since it was considered cosmetic.
The Doctor gave him various costing options: $3,500 for small, $6,500 for medium, and $14,000 for the 'Bob Hawke'......
The man was sure he 'desired' a medium, or the" tripod" Bob Hawke,...but his Doctor urged him to talk it over with his wife before making any decision.
The man called his wife on the phone and explained 'their' options.
The Doctor came back into the room, and found the man looking decidedly dejected.
"Well what have the two of you decided?" said his Doctor.
"She'd rather remodel our kitchen"..............
Hoo Roo.
..
-- Edited by Goldfinger on Wednesday 22nd of July 2015 09:19:22 AM
-- Edited by Goldfinger on Thursday 23rd of July 2015 08:48:06 AM