An elderly Scottish Jew decided to slow down and take up golf, so he applied for membership at the local club.

After a week he received a message that his application has been rejected. He went to the club to ask why.

Secretary: You are aware that this is a Scottish golf club?

Scot: Aye, but I am as Scottish as you are, MacTavish.

Secretary: This means that on formal occasions we wear the kilt.

Scot: Aye, so do I.

Secretary: You are aware that we wear nothing under the kilt?

Scot: Aye, neither do I.

Secretary: But you are a Jew?

Scot: Aye, I be that.

Secretary: So you are circumcised?

Scot: Aye, I be that, too.

Secretary: I am terribly sorry, but the members just would not feel comfortable with that.

Scot: Ach, away with ya, man. I know that you have to be a Protestant to march with the Orangemen. And I know that you have to be a Catholic to join the Knights of Columbus, but this is the first time Ive heard that you have to be a complete prick to join a golf club.

Aussie Paul.