..just back from 3 weeks fishing and vanning Port Victoria and Wallaroo/Yorke Peninsula..showing my granddaughter how to fish and the places I lived in a past life........thought I would submit a few to offend as usual...lol....
1. A Mother's Love:
A little boy says to his mother "Mommy how come I'm black and you're white?"
She replies, "Don't even go there!
From the dribs and drabs I remember about that party, you're lucky you don't bark"!
2. I bought myself some crotchless panties to be all sexy for the hubby.....
I took off my skirt and said.."Do you want some of this?"
He said "Hell No!!.....look what it did to your underwear!".........
3...I wasn't planning on going for a run today,...but those police came out of nowhere!....
4. Viagra is just like Disneyland.....One hour wait for a 4 minute ride....
5. Don't die a virgin..terrorists are up there waiting for you....
6.I hate all this terrorist business,
I used to love the days, when you could eye an unattended bag, on the train or bus, and think to yourself
"I'm gonna take that!!......
7. Man in hot air balloon is lost over Ireland.
He looks down and sees a farmer in the fields and shouts down to him,
"Where am I??".....
The Irish Farmer looks back up and shouts back, "You can't fool me
..You're in dat basket up dere"......
8. It's much better to want the mate you do not have
Than to have the mate you do not want......
If you love somebody let them go......if they come back no one wanted them....
9. Ever look back and think of some of the people you dated or wanted to date in High School....
and then see them on Facebook and think, "Whew!..I dodged a bullet on THAT ONE!"......
10. I'm absolutely convinced that socks that go missing from your dryer...turn into extra Tupperware lids......
The best/most honest 'Garage Sale' sign I have seen read ' OUR CRAPP, COULD BE YOUR CRAPP'......
11. As we get older our decision making skills tend to resemble that of a squirrel when crossing a busy street......
12. A man applying for a job at a Mildura Lemon Orchard seemed to be far too qualified for the job.
The foreman frowned and said, " I have to ask you this: Have you had any actual experience in picking lemons, in the past, present or the future?"
He replied " I've been divorced twice, bought a Leyland P76, a Beta video player and took up all the Telstra floats.....
I intend to vote for Bill Shorten at the upcoming election as I admire his honesty and integrity...
""How am I doing so far?'
GO THE COWBOYS/NORTH QUEENSLAND!.......it's high time luck and accurate refereeing went JT's way......
..just back from 3 weeks fishing and vanning Port Victoria and Wallaroo/Yorke Peninsula..showing my granddaughter how to fish and the places I lived in a past life........thought I would submit a few to offend as usual...lol....
1. A Mother's Love:
A little boy says to his mother "Mommy how come I'm black and you're white?"
She replies, "Don't even go there!
From the dribs and drabs I remember about that party, you're lucky you don't bark"!
2. I bought myself some crotchless panties to be all sexy for the hubby.....
I took off my skirt and said.."Do you want some of this?"
He said "Hell No!!.....look what it did to your underwear!".........
3...I wasn't planning on going for a run today,...but those police came out of nowhere!....
4. Viagra is just like Disneyland.....One hour wait for a 4 minute ride....
5. Don't die a virgin..terrorists are up there waiting for you....
6.I hate all this terrorist business,
I used to love the days, when you could eye an unattended bag, on the train or bus, and think to yourself
"I'm gonna take that!!......
7. Man in hot air balloon is lost over Ireland.
He looks down and sees a farmer in the fields and shouts down to him,
"Where am I??".....
The Irish Farmer looks back up and shouts back, "You can't fool me
..You're in dat basket up dere"......
8. It's much better to want the mate you do not have
Than to have the mate you do not want......
If you love somebody let them go......if they come back no one wanted them....
9. Ever look back and think of some of the people you dated or wanted to date in High School....
and then see them on Facebook and think, "Whew!..I dodged a bullet on THAT ONE!"......
10. I'm absolutely convinced that socks that go missing from your dryer...turn into extra Tupperware lids......
The best/most honest 'Garage Sale' sign I have seen read ' OUR CRAPP, COULD BE YOUR CRAPP'......
11. As we get older our decision making skills tend to resemble that of a squirrel when crossing a busy street......
12. A man applying for a job at a Mildura Lemon Orchard seemed to be far too qualified for the job.
The foreman frowned and said, " I have to ask you this: Have you had any actual experience in picking lemons, in the past, present or the future?"
He replied " I've been divorced twice, bought a Leyland P76, a Beta video player and took up all the Telstra floats.....
I intend to vote for Bill Shorten at the upcoming election as I admire his honesty and integrity...
""How am I doing so far?'
GO THE COWBOYS/NORTH QUEENSLAND!.......it's high time luck and accurate refereeing went JT's way......
Hoo Roo