Only people from Yorkshire will understand. (some too bloody hard for my old brain)
Possum3 said
11:48 AM Nov 7, 2015
The man from Barnsley
1) A Barnsley man goes to the vet:
Man : Can yer stopme cat weein all rahnd thouse?
Vet: Is it a Tom?
Man : Nor, its in tbasket.
18 caret
2) A Yorkshiremans dog dies and and as it was his favourite pet he decides to have a gold statue made by a jeweller to remember the dog by.
Yorkshireman: Can tha mek a gols statue of yon dog?
Jeweller: Do you want it 18 carat?
Yorkshireman: No i want it chewin a bone yer daft bugger!
I Spy
3) A Bradford couple are playing I Spy in the kitchen.
I spy with my little eye something beginning with T said the husband.
Tea pot? said the lass Nay Lass!
Tea towel? said the lass Nay Lass!
Toaster? said the lass Nay Lass! he replied drumming his fingers no the work top.
Oh I dont know. She said at long last I give in!
Its easy! he said Its toven!
Eeh Bah Gum!
4)Wrigleys have launched a new website where you can order chewing gum online Its called EehBuyGum.com!
Twinters coming
5) Two old ladies are talking in a village in the Dales, one says to the other You can tell twinters coming cas tbutters ard.
Hands on thighs
6) A Yorkshire aerobics instructor said to his class Hands on thighs! so they class did None of them could see a thing.
Pie on a clock
7) What do you call a pie on a clock? Summat to eight!
Mamma Mia
8)Mamma Mia: classic ABBA song or a Yorkshire kid telling his mum hes arrived?
Eeh, She Were Thin
9) A Yorkshiremans wife sadly passes away. He decides to have the words She Were Thine engraved on her headstone. He calls the mason, explains what he wants, then goes to see the stone a few days later. He takes one look and to his horror, finds the mason has engraved She Were Thin. He yells: The blummin e is missing! Wheres the e? Thas left the blummin e out lad! The mason apologises profusely, and assures the widower itll be right on the day. The day of the funeral comes. The mourners leave the church and head out to the graveyard. There, in the glow of thr winer son, is the pristine headstone. Upon it inscribed: Eeh, She Were Thin.
Its troof not twheels
10) The Lurry Drahver who was spotted frantically chiselling away at the brickwork after his lorry got stuck while passing through a tunnel ?
Why dont you let the air in your tyres down a little? asked a friendly passer by.
Nay love, replied the Yorkshireman its troof that wont go under, not twheels
The man from Barnsley
1) A Barnsley man goes to the vet:
Man : Can yer stopme cat weein all rahnd thouse?
Vet: Is it a Tom?
Man : Nor, its in tbasket.
18 caret
2) A Yorkshiremans dog dies and and as it was his favourite pet he decides to have a gold statue made by a jeweller to remember the dog by.
Yorkshireman: Can tha mek a gols statue of yon dog?
Jeweller: Do you want it 18 carat?
Yorkshireman: No i want it chewin a bone yer daft bugger!
I Spy
3) A Bradford couple are playing I Spy in the kitchen.
I spy with my little eye something beginning with T said the husband.
Tea pot? said the lass Nay Lass!
Tea towel? said the lass Nay Lass!
Toaster? said the lass Nay Lass! he replied drumming his fingers no the work top.
Oh I dont know. She said at long last I give in!
Its easy! he said Its toven!
Eeh Bah Gum!
4)Wrigleys have launched a new website where you can order chewing gum online Its called EehBuyGum.com!
Twinters coming
5) Two old ladies are talking in a village in the Dales, one says to the other You can tell twinters coming cas tbutters ard.
Hands on thighs
6) A Yorkshire aerobics instructor said to his class Hands on thighs! so they class did None of them could see a thing.
Pie on a clock
7) What do you call a pie on a clock? Summat to eight!
Mamma Mia
8)Mamma Mia: classic ABBA song or a Yorkshire kid telling his mum hes arrived?
Eeh, She Were Thin
9) A Yorkshiremans wife sadly passes away. He decides to have the words She Were Thine engraved on her headstone.
He calls the mason, explains what he wants, then goes to see the stone a few days later. He takes one look and to his horror, finds the mason has engraved She Were Thin.
He yells: The blummin e is missing! Wheres the e? Thas left the blummin e out lad!
The mason apologises profusely, and assures the widower itll be right on the day.
The day of the funeral comes. The mourners leave the church and head out to the graveyard.
There, in the glow of thr winer son, is the pristine headstone. Upon it inscribed:
Eeh, She Were Thin.
Its troof not twheels
10) The Lurry Drahver who was spotted frantically chiselling away at the brickwork after his lorry got stuck while passing through a tunnel ?
Why dont you let the air in your tyres down a little? asked a friendly passer by.
Nay love, replied the Yorkshireman its troof that wont go under, not twheels