A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly, the man realized that next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5.00AM for an important early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence <and LOSE>, he wrote on a piece of paper:
"Please wake me at 5.00AM...important"
He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9.00AM....and he had missed his important flight.
Furious, he was about to go see why on earth his wife hadn't wakened him,
when he noticed a piece of paper by his bed...
The paper said: "It is 5.00AM...WAKE UP!".......
<men really are not equipped for these kind of contests>.........
Wife V HUSBAND:
A couple drove down a country road for several kilometres, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats,cows and pigs,...the husband asked sarcastically,
"Relatives of yours??"
"Yep!" the wife replied,....."In-Laws".......
WOMEN'S REVENGE......
'Cash, cheque, or charge?' after wrapping items the woman wished to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a Television Set in her purse.
'Soooo, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.
'No', she replied,... 'but my husband refused to come shopping with me, as he wanted to watch Rugby...
.....and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him'!'........
WORDS:
A husband triumphantly read an article to his wife about how many words women use in a typical day....
30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, "That's simple...its because we have to REPEAT everything we say to men...."
The husband then turned to his wife and asked...."What??"......
BLONDE:
A blonde & her husband are lying in bed listening to the next door neighbour's dog.
It had been in the neighbour's backyard barking for hours & hours...
The blonde jumps up,..out of bed, and says "I've really had enough of this"...and goes downstairs.
The blonde finally returns back up to bed' and says "THAT will fix them!"
The husband says, "But..but..the dog is still barking,...what on earth have you been doing?"
The blonde says: "I put the dog in OUR backyard, now we'll see how THEY like it!!"....
SEENAGER:
I am a Seenager. <Senior Teenager>
I have everything that I ever wanted as a Teenager,...only 60 years later.
I don't have to go to school or work.
I get an allowance every month.
I have my own pad.
I don't have a curfew.
I have a driver's licence, car and RV.
I have ID that gets me into bars, pubs, nightclubs and Rum/Liquor Stores.
The people I hang around with are not scared of getting pregnant.
.......and I don't have acne........
Life is great!.......and
Brains of Older people are slow because they know so much. People do not decline mentally with age, it just takes us longer to recall facts,
because they have more information in their brains.....Scientists believe......and
Older people often go to another room to get something and when they het there, they stand there wondering what they came for....however,
this is NOT a memory problem, it is nature's way of making us older folk do more exercise...
SO THERE!.....<I have friends I was going to send this to however I can't for the life of me, remember their names>
Hoo Roo
-- Edited by goldfinger on Sunday 31st of January 2016 05:29:33 PM
-- Edited by goldfinger on Sunday 31st of January 2016 05:32:20 PM
-- Edited by goldfinger on Sunday 31st of January 2016 05:33:02 PM
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly, the man realized that next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5.00AM for an important early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence <and LOSE>, he wrote on a piece of paper:
"Please wake me at 5.00AM...important"
He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9.00AM....and he had missed his important flight.
Furious, he was about to go see why on earth his wife hadn't wakened him,
when he noticed a piece of paper by his bed...
The paper said: "It is 5.00AM...WAKE UP!".......
<men really are not equipped for these kind of contests>.........
Wife V HUSBAND:
A couple drove down a country road for several kilometres, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats,cows and pigs,...the husband asked sarcastically,
"Relatives of yours??"
"Yep!" the wife replied,....."In-Laws".......
WOMEN'S REVENGE......
'Cash, cheque, or charge?' after wrapping items the woman wished to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a Television Set in her purse.
'Soooo, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.
'No', she replied,... 'but my husband refused to come shopping with me, as he wanted to watch Rugby...
.....and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him'!'........
WORDS:
A husband triumphantly read an article to his wife about how many words women use in a typical day....
30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, "That's simple...its because we have to REPEAT everything we say to men...."
The husband then turned to his wife and asked...."What??"......
BLONDE:
A blonde & her husband are lying in bed listening to the next door neighbour's dog.
It had been in the neighbour's backyard barking for hours & hours...
The blonde jumps up,..out of bed, and says "I've really had enough of this"...and goes downstairs.
The blonde finally returns back up to bed' and says "THAT will fix them!"
The husband says, "But..but..the dog is still barking,...what on earth have you been doing?"
The blonde says: "I put the dog in OUR backyard, now we'll see how THEY like it!!"....
SEENAGER:
I am a Seenager. <Senior Teenager>
I have everything that I ever wanted as a Teenager,...only 60 years later.
I don't have to go to school or work.
I get an allowance every month.
I have my own pad.
I don't have a curfew.
I have a driver's licence, car and RV.
I have ID that gets me into bars, pubs, nightclubs and Rum/Liquor Stores.
The people I hang around with are not scared of getting pregnant.
.......and I don't have acne........
Life is great!.......and
Brains of Older people are slow because they know so much. People do not decline mentally with age, it just takes us longer to recall facts,
because they have more information in their brains.....Scientists believe......and
Older people often go to another room to get something and when they het there, they stand there wondering what they came for....however,
this is NOT a memory problem, it is nature's way of making us older folk do more exercise...
SO THERE!.....<I have friends I was going to send this to however I can't for the life of me, remember their names>
Hoo Roo
-- Edited by goldfinger on Sunday 31st of January 2016 05:29:33 PM
-- Edited by goldfinger on Sunday 31st of January 2016 05:32:20 PM
-- Edited by goldfinger on Sunday 31st of January 2016 05:33:02 PM
-- Edited by goldfinger on Sunday 31st of January 2016 05:37:25 PM