A Scottish-born Jew decided to retire and take up golf, so he applied formembership at a local golf club.

About a week later he received a letter that his application hadbeen rejected.

He went to the club to inquire as to why.

Secretary: You are aware that this is a Scottish golf club?

Scot: Aye, and I am as Scottish as you are, ma'am, my name is MacTavish.

Secretary: Do you know that on formal occasions we wear a kilt?

Scot: Aye, I do know, and I wear a kilt too.

Secretary: You are also aware, that we wear nothing under the kilt?

Scot: Aye, and neither do I.

Secretary: Are you also aware, that the members sit naked in the steam room?

Scot: Aye, I also do the same.

Secretary: But you are a Jew?

Scot: Aye, I be that.

Secretary: So, being Jewish, you are circumcised, is that correct?

Scot: Aye, I be that, too.

Secretary: I am terribly sorry, but the members just would not feelcomfortable sitting in the steam room with you, since your privatesare different from theirs.

Scot: Ach, I know that you have to be a Protestant to march with the Orangemen. 
And I know that you have to be a Catholic to join the Knights of Columbus.

But this is the first time I've heard that only a completeprick can join your golf club.