CIGARETTE:

A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper, with fire at one end, and a fool at the other!

MARRIAGE:

It's an agreement wherein a man loses his bachelors degree, and a woman gains her masters.

LECTURE:

An art of transmitting information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of students, without passing through the minds of either.

CONFERENCE:

The confusion of one person multiplied by the number of people present.

COMPROMISE:

The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes they got the biggest piece.

TEARS:

The hydraulic force by which masculine will power, is defeated by feminine water-power!

CONFERENCE ROOM:

A place where everybody talks, nobody listens, and everybody disagrees.

ECSTASY:

A feeling you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before.

CLASSIC:

A book which people praise, but never read.

SMILE:

A curve that can set a lot of things straight!

OFFICE:

A place where you can relax after strenuous home life.

EXPERIENCE:

The name people give to their mistakes.

MISER:

A person who lives poor so he can die RICH!

POLITICIAN:

One who shakes your hand before elections, and your confidence later.

Aussie Paul.