TEN PUNS TO BRIGHTEN YOUR DAY
1. Two vultures board an air plane; each is carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at them and
says, "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per passenger."
2. Two boll weevils grew up in the deep South. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The
other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known
as the lesser of two weevils.
3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once again
that you can't have your kayak and heat it, too.
4. A three legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces:
"I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? He wanted to transcend
dental medication.
6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent
tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But
why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named
"Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to
his birth mother.
Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of
Ahmal.
Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
8. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to
raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the com-
petition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the
friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in
town to persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't
close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.
9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of
calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad
breath. This made him.... what? (Oh man, this is so bad, it's good) A super callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh.
Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
TEN PUNS TO BRIGHTEN YOUR DAY
1. Two vultures board an air plane; each is carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at them and
says, "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per passenger."
2. Two boll weevils grew up in the deep South. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The
other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known
as the lesser of two weevils.
3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once again
that you can't have your kayak and heat it, too.
4. A three legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces:
"I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? He wanted to transcend
dental medication.
6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent
tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But
why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named
"Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to
his birth mother.
Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of
Ahmal.
Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
8. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to
raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the com-
petition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the
friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in
town to persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't
close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.
9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of
calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad
breath. This made him.... what? (Oh man, this is so bad, it's good) A super callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh.
Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.