A salesman checked into a futuristic motel. Realizing he needed a haircut before his meeting tomorrow, he called down to the desk clerk to ask if there was a barber on the premises. 

"I'm afraid not, sir," the clerk told him apologetically,"but down the hall from your room is a vending machine that should serve your purposes." 

Skeptical but intrigued, the salesman located the machine, inserted $15, and stuck his head into the opening, at which time the machine started to buzz and spin. Fifteen seconds later, he pulled out his head and look in the mirror, and saw the besthaircut of his life."Would wonders never cease! This futuristic stuff is amazing," he thought. 

Two feet away was another machine with a sign that read,"Manicures $10." 

"Why not?" he thought. He paid the money, inserted his hands into the slot, and the machine started to buzz and spin. Fifteen seconds later he pulled out his hands and they were perfectly manicured. 

The next machine had a sign that read, "Machine provides a service men need when away from their wives,...... ......... ...... He skipped the rest of the description, and saw PRICE: 50 Cents 

"Oh, man.... do I ever need that!" He looked both ways, put fifty cents in the machine, unzipped his fly, and with some anticipation, stuck his manhood into the opening. When the machine started buzzing, he let out a shriek of agony and almost passed out. 

Fifteen seconds later it shut off. 

With trembling hands,he was able to withdraw his member.... which now had a button neatly sewn on the end

ouch .  that got a good chuckle out of me.