A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.

After the mass, he asked the Monsignor how he had done. The Monsignor replied, When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip.

Next Sunday the new priest decided to take the monsignors advice. At the beginning, he felt nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm.

Upon returning to his office, he found a note on the door that said:

Sip on the vodka, dont gulp.

There are 10 commandments, not 12.

There are 12 disciples, not 10.

Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not Bet his ass.

We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.

We do not refer to the cross as the Big T.

The Father, Son and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the Spook.

David slew Goliath, he did not Kick the crap out of him.

When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, we do not say that he was Stoned off his ass.

Aussie Paul.