Go to Salvo's and buy a used pair of 12 -14 Boots, 

Place them on the front patio, along with a few copies of "Guns and Ammo" magazine.

Also place out four very large dog feeding bowls.

Leave a note on the door that reads,

"Bubba, Me and Marcel, Along with Jimmy Ray and Earl, went for more Ammo and Beer.

Be back in 'bout an hour. Don't mess with the Pit Bulls, they got the postman this mornin'

and messed him up real bad.

I don't think Fang took part init but it's hard to tell with all the blood.

Any hows I locked all four of them in the House, so you better not go in.

Better wait outside. Be right back.

Cooter.