A wife was having coffee with a friend of hers when she confided to her, Our marriage has never been that great, but this year has been the absolute worst between my husband and I. Harry often yells at me, criticizes me, puts me down, plus he never helps out with anything around the house, and I keep getting the feeling that hes screwing his secretary. I cant eat, I cant sleepin fact, Ive already lost eight pounds this month alone! 

Well, why dont you dump the bastard? her friend said. 

To which the wife replied, Oh, I plan to do that, but first I want to get my weight down to 115 pounds! 

Aussie Paul.