We need a "joke day" How 'bout Worst joke wednesday?

Crazy Dog · Veteran Member

We need a "joke day" How 'bout Worst joke wednesday?

Crazy Dog · Veteran Member

And a nuvva!!!

Reminds me of the bloke who sat at the bar watching old Dusty Tilley (dog) licking his plums. After a few minutes of this the old bloke says "Gawd I wish I could do that" and Doug piped up and said "I reckon you should pat him and throw him a bone first".

Grrr!!! smile

Doug and Dusty · Veteran Member

I'm Totally flabbergasted and lost for words.

Crazy Dog · Veteran Member

I find that VERY HARD TO BELIEVE!!!!
You lost for words! NEVVA....LOLOLOL...

Grrr!!!

-- Edited by Crazy Dog at 23:52, 2008-06-14

Basil Faulty · Guru

Sounds good to me but can someone tell me when it's Wednesday?

Crazy Dog · Veteran Member

Betta late than Nevva!!!!

Dead Man Walking!!!

The room was full of pregnant women, with their partners. The Lamaze Class
was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe
properly, and was telling the men how to give the necessary assurances to
their partners at this stage of the pregnancy.

She said: "Ladies, remember that exercise is GOOD for you. Walking is
especially beneficial. It strengthens the pelvic muscles and will make delivery that much easier!" She looked at the men in the room.

"And gentlemen, remember. You're in this together. It wouldn't hurt you to go walking with your partner."

The room suddenly got very quiet as the men absorbed this information. Then
a man at the back of the room slowly raised his hand.

"Yes?" answered the teacher.

"I was just wondering," the man said. "Is it all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk?"

Grrr!!!

Pinched from Skip COCIA....

Crazy Dog · Veteran Member

One of the city's top Cardiac specialists died. At his funeral, his coffin was placed in front of a huge replica of a heart made of red roses.

When the pastor finished the sermon, and everyone said their goodbyes, the large heart opened up, the coffin rolled inside, and the heart closed again.

It was a majestic tribute to the much loved cardiologist.

Suddenly, one of the mourners burst into a fit of laughter.

Irritated by his insensitivity, the man sitting next to him asked, 'Why are you laughing, Mister?'

'Because I was thinking about my own funeral,' the man replied. 'I'm a gynaecologist!'

biggrin

pinched from COCIA

-- Edited by Crazy Dog at 13:55, 2008-06-20

Basil Faulty · Guru

With gas the price it is, this isn't far from the truth!
A thief in Paris planned to steal some paintings from the Louvre.

After careful planning, he got past security, stole the paintings, and made it safely to his van.
However, he was captured only two blocks away when his van ran out of gas.
When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such an obvious error, he replied, 'Monsieur, that is the reason I stole the paintings.'

I had no Monet

To buy Degas

To make the Van Gogh.'

See if you have De Gaulle to send this on to someone else.

I sent it to you because I figured I had nothing Toulouse

Crazy Dog · Veteran Member

Yup I'll pay that one Bas - May I call you Bas! Sir Basil?

Grrr!!!

Crazy Dog · Veteran Member

A man charges into a bank wearing a balaclava and wielding a handgun. He shouts 'this is a raid - everyone get on the floor!!', and proceeds to empty the cash drawers.
As he runs towards the door with the loot, a brave customer yanks off his balaclava. The robber immediately shoots the customer in the head and shouts.. 'Did anybody else here see my face?'.

The robber notices another customer peering from behind a counter and goes over and shoots him in the head also.

'Did anybody else see my face?' he shouts again, waving his gun around.
There is silence for a few seconds before a male voice is heard from a distant corner..

'I think my missus caught a glimpse....'
weirdface

Basil Faulty · Guru

Crazy Dog wrote:

Yup I'll pay that one Bas - May I call you Bas! Sir Basil?

Grrr!!!

You can call me Basil - but you'll still have to tell me it's wednesday

Crazy Dog · Veteran Member

Basil!

OK! IT IS WEDNESDAY! Even though it is Saturday...Well ya told me to tell you....

Grrr!!!

Basil Faulty · Guru

I will seek and find you . .
I shall take you to bed and have my way with you

I will make you ache, shake & sweat until you moan & groan.

I will make you beg for mercy, beg for me to stop.

I will exhaust you to the point that you will be relieved when I'm finished with you.

And, when I am finished, you will be weak for days.

All my love,

The Flu

Now, get your mind out of the gutter and go get your flu shot!

Gary and Kerry · Guru

Marty wakes up at home with a huge hangover. He
forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing
he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water
on the side table. He sits down and sees his clothing
in front of him, all clean and pressed. Marty looks
around the room and sees that it is in a perfect
order, spotless, clean. So is the rest of the house.
He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table
"Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go
shopping. Love you." So he goes to the kitchen and
sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the morning
newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Marty
asks, "Son, what happened last night?" His son says,
"Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and
delirious. Broke some furniture , puked in the hallway,
and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into
the door." Confused, Marty asks, "So, why is
everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on
the table waiting for me?" His son replies, "Oh that!
Mum dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to
take your pants off to change and clean you, you said,
"Lady, leave me alone, I'm married!"

Crazy Dog · Veteran Member

This one thanx to Mick COCIA..

Bureau of Meteorology

It was April and the Aboriginals in a remote part of Northern Australia asked their new elder if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild.

Since he was an elder in a modern community he had never been taught the old secrets. When he looked at the sky he couldn't tell what the winter was going to be like.

Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he told his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the tribe should collect firewood to be prepared.

But being a practical leader, after several days he had an idea. He walked out to the telephone booth on the highway, called the Bureau of Meteorology and asked, 'Is the coming winter in this area going to be cold?' The meteorologist responded, 'It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold.'

So the elder went back to his people and told them to collect even more wood in order to be prepared.

A week later he called the Bureau of Meteorology again. 'Does it still look like it is going to be a very cold winter?' The meteorologist again replied, 'Yes, it's going to be a very cold winter.'

The elder again went back to his community and ordered them to collect every scrap of firewood they could find.

Two weeks later the elder called the Bureau again. 'Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?' he asked. 'Absolutely,' the man replied. 'It's looking more and more like it is going to be one of the coldest winters ever.' 'How can you be so sure?' the elder asked.

The weatherman replied, 'Our satellites have reported that the Aboriginals in the north are collecting firewood like crazy, and that's always a sure sign

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suenami · Senior Member

I've just been told it's Saturday but.......

A big earthquake with the
strength of 8.1 on the Richter scale has hit
Lebanon.

Two million Lebanese have
died and over a million are injured. The
country is totally ruined and the
government doesn't know where to start
with providing help to rebuild.

The rest of the world is in
shock.

The United States is sending
troops to help.

Saudi Arabia is sending oil.

Latin American countries are
sending supplies.

The small island country New
Zealand is sending sheep, cattle and food
crops. The European community
(except France) is sending money. The Asian
continents are sending labour to
assist in rebuilding infrastructure.

The Australians, not to be
outdone, are sending two million
replacement Lebanese.

God Bless Our Aussie
Generosity
Cheers, Sue smile

-- Edited by suenami at 10:24, 2008-07-12

Basil Faulty · Guru

Oh Sue I love it.... the streets of Lakemba will be empty....& 269 Canterbury Rd will be able to dispense with their security gaurds....