My legs were too long for cycling,
And my arms were too short for weights.
Im no good at running or jumping,
And my boxing skills arent great.

Me hair was too short for tennis,
But I gave badminton a bash.
My hair was too long for golf,
And cricket pads give me a rash.

I cant stay afloat in the water,
And Im too scared of heights to dive.
I havent the balance for motorbikes,
And I havent a licence to drive.

But I have developed a tendon,
Between my elbow and my wrist.
And it allows a stubby bottle,
To fit perfectly in my fist.

I can roll a smoke one handed
(No handed if I try).
And my mouth is perfectly suited,
To swallowing whole a meat pie.

If you take me on at yarn spinning,
Then you are a bloody fool.
And Ive tuned my body perfectly,
To sitting on a barstool.

I know Ill never be recognised,
For the athlete that I am.
But these are skills I can use every day,
Im a bush Olympian.