If it had been presented this way I wonder how many of us would have applied for it!!!!
POSITION:
Mum, Mummy, Mama, Ma Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, Pop
JOB DESCRIPTION:
Long term, team players needed, for challenging, permanent work in an often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities! Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.
RESPONSIBILITIES:
The rest of your life.
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
Must be a willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a
half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.
POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:
None. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.
PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because
of the assumption that university will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left.
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
BENEFITS:
While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses for life if you play your cards right.
-- Edited by Disco Duck on Sunday 6th of December 2009 11:04:01 AM
-- Edited by Disco Duck on Sunday 6th of December 2009 11:10:37 AM
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Daisy and Disco Duck
Adelaide South Australia
Gotta Think Outside the Square!
Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.
If at First You Don't Succeed.......Redefine Success !!
Sounds about right Disco. And it starts all over again with grandkids to a slightly lesser degree. Someone worked it out in 1982 or thereabouts that it took $90 grand to get a kid from baby to adult. Likely ten times that now. Would be cheaper to rent a kid. We kept telling our girls that they were not really ours, that we found them in a rubbish bin, that their real parents would someday come and get them, that we really didn't like them and that Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny were dead. Unfortunately they didn't believe us and stayed at home until into their twenties. Eventually had to change the locks on the house whilst they were out. Now we are baby sitters on call for the grandkids.
How do we feel about that. LOVE IT LOVE IT LOVE IT LOVE IT.
My youngest was a teenager and she and her older sister kept coming home for short stints. They wouldn't leave home, so I did - I went to the Kimberleys. Yea, they all followed me over the years, but they did go home again. Now I visit them.
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20ft Roma caravan - Mercedes Benz Sprinter - SA-based at the moment. Transport has no borders.
Management makes the decisions, but is not affected by the decisions it makes.
Sounds about right Disco. And it starts all over again with grandkids to a slightly lesser degree. Someone worked it out in 1982 or thereabouts that it took $90 grand to get a kid from baby to adult. Likely ten times that now. Would be cheaper to rent a kid. We kept telling our girls that they were not really ours, that we found them in a rubbish bin, that their real parents would someday come and get them, that we really didn't like them and that Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny were dead. Unfortunately they didn't believe us and stayed at home until into their twenties. Eventually had to change the locks on the house whilst they were out. Now we are baby sitters on call for the grandkids.
How do we feel about that. LOVE IT LOVE IT LOVE IT LOVE IT.
Treat your children well ;
For they pick your age care home !!!!!!!!!!
BUGGER;;;;;;;;
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Be your self; there's no body better qualified ! "I came into this world with nothing , I still have most of it"
