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Closed topic
(Preview)
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Bobdown
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3
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1025
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Inspirational
(Preview)
Remember, the next time you dislike your life, it's all about perspective. I have a friend who reads 2 to 3 books a week, works out twice a day, has no financial worries, and has people who want to have sex with him all the time. And yet he constantly complains about how much he hates prison.
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Bobdown
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0
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585
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Making Sense.
(Preview)
A Tennessee couple Dave and Edwina Kosmitus, both Bona Fide rednecks, had nine children.They went to see their Doctor to get Dave "Fixed".The Doctor asked them why had the come to the conclusion that they didn't want any more children.Dave said that they had read a recent article in the newspaper tha...
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aussie_paul
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0
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838
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Making Sense.
(Preview)
A Tennessee couple Dave and Edwina Kosmitus, both Bona Fide rednecks, had nine children.They went to see their Doctor to get Dave "Fixed".The Doctor asked them why had the come to the conclusion that they didn't want any more children.Dave said that they had read a recent article in the newspaper tha...
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aussie_paul
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0
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732
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One for the teachers about to start holidays... 🙂
(Preview)
A guy goes to the supermarket and notices a very attractive woman waving at him. She says, 'Hello.'He's rather taken aback because he can't place where he knows her from. So he asks, 'Do you know me?'To which she replies, 'I think you're the father of one of my kids.'Now his mind travels back to the only t...
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aussie_paul
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0
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707
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THE NIGHT NURSE...
(Preview)
A very tired nurse walks into a bank, worn out after a tough shift. Preparing to write a cheque, she pulls a rectal thermometer out of her purse and tries to write with it.When she realizes her mistake, she looks at the flabbergasted teller, and without missing a beat, she says:"Well, that's great.......
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aussie_paul
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0
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589
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The 65 year old Lady......
(Preview)
A 65 year old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the Hospital.While on the operating table she had a 'near death' experience.....Seeing God, she asked.."Is my time up?"...God said, " No you have another 33 years, 2 months, 8 days, four hours and 31 minutes to live....."Since she had so much time t...
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aussie_paul
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0
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711
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Climate change
(Preview)
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rgren2
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24
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2514
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Funnies
(Preview)
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Bobdown
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1
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711
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Low mileage...
(Preview)
A blonde wanted to sell her car but she couldnt find any buyers.She called her friend for advice, and her friend asked how many kilometres she had on her car. She answered, 300,000.Her fried told her that was the problem. So the blonde went to the mechanic and told him to put it down to 70,000 kms. A couple...
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aussie_paul
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0
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794
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Morris, an 82 year-old man...
(Preview)
Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, 'You're really doing great, aren't you?'Morris replied, 'Just doing what y...
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aussie_paul
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0
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566
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The Lawyer & the Engineer..
(Preview)
The Lawyer & the Engineer.A lawyer and an engineer were fishing while on holiday and began talking.The lawyer said, Im here because my house burnt down and everything was destroyed by the fire. The insurance company paid for everything.Thats quite a coincidence, remarked the engineer. Im her...
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aussie_paul
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5
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1324
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Anthropology
(Preview)
A couple of anthropologists fly to the South Sea islands to study the locals. They go to two adjacent islands and set to work.A few months later one of them takes a canoe over to the other island to see how his colleague his doing. When he gets there, he finds the other anthropologist standing among a grou...
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aussie_paul
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1
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799
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What percentage?
(Preview)
A U.S. Marine Colonel was about to start the morning briefing to his staff.While waiting for the coffee machine to finish brewing, the colonel decided to pose a question to all assembled.He explained that his wife had been a bit frisky the night before and he failed to get his usual amount of sound slee...
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aussie_paul
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2
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1127
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Paddy staggered home...
(Preview)
Paddy staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy, Mick. He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife. He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom but misjudged the bottom step.As he caught himself by grabbing the bannister, his b...
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aussie_paul
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0
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508
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Stutter
(Preview)
A really huge muscular guy with a bad stutter goes to a counter in a department store and asks "W-w-w-where's the m-m-m-men's dep-p-p-partment?"The clerk behind the counter just looks at him and says nothing.The man repeats himself: "W-w-w-where's the m-m-m-men's dep-p-p-partment?"Again, th...
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aussie_paul
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0
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526
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Newlyweds..
(Preview)
The newly-married husband came home from the office to find his young wife in floods of tears. "Darling, whatever is the matter?" he asks. "Sweetheart" she sobs "the most terrible thing has happened! I cooked my very first Beef Bourguignon for you, and I got it out the oven to season it, and the phone ra...
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aussie_paul
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0
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463
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Pigs in a restaurant.
(Preview)
Three Little Pigs went out to dinner one night.The waiter comes and takes their drink order.I would like a Sprite, said the first little piggy.I would like a Coke, said the second little piggy.I want water, lots and lots of water, said the third little piggy.The drinks are brought out and the waiter ta...
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aussie_paul
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0
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800
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I thought kiwis were birds
(Preview)
Not to make light of the situation, but I found it amusing that the target of a racial slur was reported by the ABC to be of "Kiwi and Samoan heritage". New Zealand abandons soccer friendly with Qatar mid-game after allegations of racism towards Michael Boxall: [url]https://www.abc.net.au/news/...
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dorian
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0
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727
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Dolly and Ruby
(Preview)
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anolphart
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1
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746
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