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The Rectum Stretcher
(Preview)
The Rectum StretcherA woman in Ireland driving along at speed passed over a bridge only to find a policeman with a radar gun lying in wait.The policeman pulled her over, walked up to the car, with a patronising smirk and asked, "What's your hurry?"She replied, "I'm late for work.""Oh yeah," said the p...
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aussie_paul
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472
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How heavy?
(Preview)
A woman noticed her husband trying to weigh himself on the bathroom scale.Each time he stepped on, he started sucking in his stomach.Thats not going to help, darling, said the wife. Trust me.Its already working, the husband said smugly.Now I can see the numbers.
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aussie_paul
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0
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503
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If you ever feel a little bit stupid..
(Preview)
If you ever feel a little bit stupid, just dig this up and read it again; you'll begin to think you're a genius..,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,(On September 17, 1994, Alabama's Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss America 1995.)Question: If you could live fore...
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aussie_paul
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488
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A bartender..
(Preview)
A bartender is waiting for closing time at his pub so he can lock up, and go home. Its a slow night and he has no customers.He hears a light knock at the back door, opens it, and there are 2 nuns there. One says, Mr Bartender, can we impose upon you for a wee favor? Certainly, Sister, what is it?Well, its not fo...
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aussie_paul
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433
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I stopped..
(Preview)
I stopped by the Holden Colorado dealership yesterday, for a look at the current 2018 pickup thinking that I might be interested in one of these at the End Of Year runout sales.Just for fun, I took it out for a test drive. I wanted to sense that new truck "feel" before they become old.The seats were of part...
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aussie_paul
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1
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672
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Don’t.
(Preview)
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rgren2
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504
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No Nativity Scene in Canberra this Year..
(Preview)
No Nativity Scene in Canberra this YearThe Supreme Court has ruled that there cannot be a Nativity Scene inthe nation's Capital this Christmas season.This isn't for any religious reason.They simply have not been able to find Three Wise Men in Canberra ..The search for a Virgin continues...There w...
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aussie_paul
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497
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A 70-year-old woman..
(Preview)
A 70-year-old woman chose to stay overnight in a costly hotel as a treat for her birthday.The morning following her stay, she was appalled when the desk worker gave her a bill for $250. She asked why the room charge was so high.Its a nice hotel, but the rooms certainly arent worth $250 for just an overnig...
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aussie_paul
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470
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Teacher..
(Preview)
Teacher: If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?Johnny: Seven.Teacher: No, listen carefully If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?Johnny: Seven.Teacher: Let me put it to you differentlyIf I gave you two apples, and an...
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aussie_paul
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378
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Home Sick....
(Preview)
I saw a car parked outside Woollies with a bumper sticker that said "I miss Alice Springs". So I smashed the windows, stole the radio, let the tyres down & left several empty VB cans on the back seat with a note saying "hope this helps"
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Aussie1
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9
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961
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Christmas Eve at the North Pole
(Preview)
Time to trot this chestnut out again.... Christmas Eve at the North Pole. Santa's alarm clock didn't go off, and he woke up 3 hours late for his epic run. In his rush to herd up the reindeer, they got spooked and took off into the forest. Santa had to go out on foot to round them up. 4 hours late... He loade...
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erad
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574
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Is it?
(Preview)
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rgren2
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1
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616
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Climate change kids
(Preview)
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Southern Cruizer
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481
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A joke...
(Preview)
It snowed last night.8:00 am - I made a snowman8:10 am - A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn't make a snow woman.8:15 am - So, I made a snow woman.8:17 am - My feminist neighbor complained about the snow woman's voluptuous chest saying it objectified snow women everywhere.8:20 am - The gay couple...
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aussie_paul
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2
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888
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Pop says..
(Preview)
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aussie_paul
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0
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567
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Ultimate Birthday Present for the Wife:
(Preview)
A few days before his wife's birthday:Husband: Dear. "What would you like for your present?"Wife: "I really don't think I should say."Husband: "How about a diamond ring?"Wife: "I don't care much for diamonds."Husband: "Well then, how about a mink coat?"Wife: "You know I do not like furs."Husband...
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aussie_paul
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681
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A Morning Prayer..
(Preview)
So far today God, I have done alright.I havent gossiped. I havent lost my temper, and havent been greedy, grumpy, nasty, selfish or over indulgent. And I havent told anyone to mind their own business and stay out of mine. I am really glad about that.But in a few minutes, God, Im going to get out of bed; and...
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aussie_paul
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1
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654
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Christmas Driving
(Preview)
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Southern Cruizer
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0
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440
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The Pom in WA.
(Preview)
DIARY OF A POM IN WESTERN AUSTRALIA Long August 31 Just got transferred with work from Leeds UK to our new home in Karratha , Western Australia . Now this is a town that knows how to live! Beautiful, sunny days and warm, balmy evenings. I watched the sunset from a deckchair by our pool yesterday. It was bea...
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rgren2
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770
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MICROCHIP IMPLANT..
(Preview)
ALLOWS TERRORISTS TO SPEAK TO GODCOPPER COATED MICROCHIP IMPLANT ALLOWS TERRORISTS TO SPEAK TO GOD.The implant is specifically designed to be injected in the forehead.When properly installed, it will instantly allow the terrorist to speak to God.It comes in various sizes: Generally from .223 t...
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aussie_paul
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