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Never assume anything..
(Preview)
A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for thedoctor to come in for the baby's first exam. The doctor arrived, andexamined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned,asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.'Breast-fed,' she replied...'Well, strip d...
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We'd like to register..
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Jacob, age 92, and Reba, age 91, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding and on the way they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests they go in.Jacob addresses the man behind the counter:Jacob: "We're about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?"...
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lol..
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Delayed flight..
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A plane was moving down the tarmac before it stopped abruptly, turned around and returned to the gate. After a two hour delay, it finally took off."What was the problem?" a worried passenger asked the flight attendant."The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," the flight attendant re...
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Outdoors..
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Siblings..
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321
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Quiche..
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Traffic Cop..
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Morty and Selma, an elderly couple, were driving across the country. The woman was driving when she got pulled over by the highway patrol. The officer said, "Ma'am did you know you were speeding?"Selma, hard of hearing, turned to her husband and asked, "What did he say?"Morty yelled, "He says you wer...
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The pearly gates..
(Preview)
After a long illness, a woman died and arrived at the Gates of Heaven.While she was waiting for Saint Peter to greet her, she peeked through the Gates.She saw a beautiful banquet table.Sitting all around were her parents and all the other people she had loved and who had died before her.They saw her and...
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Dads crash..
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67HR
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Actually..
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-- Edited by aussie_paul on Tuesday 3rd of September 2024 05:45:04 PM
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Disabled parking spot.
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bar...bra
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Grammar..
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LSD..
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A teenager approached his grandmother nervously and asked her a question.Granny, have you seen a bottle of pills lying around? The label says LSD, he asked.The grandmother swung around quickly as the boy prepared to be scolded.To hell with the pills! Have you seen the dragon in the kitchen?!
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Mrs. Donovan..
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Mrs. Donovan was walking down OConnell Street in Dublin when she met up with Father Flaherty.The Father said, Top o the mornin To ye! Arent ye Mrs. Donovan And didnt I marry ye and yer Hoosband two years ago?She replied, Aye, that ye did, Father.The Father asked, And be there Any wee little ones yet?She...
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Pootin
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Putin is sitting on the backseat of his car, while the driver goes through rural russia. The driver hits something, and goes to check. "Vladimir Vladimirovich", the driver says. "We hit a farmers pig. It is dead." "So? Let's get going." "Sir, I will tell the farmers what has happened." "Well make it qu...
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Whenarewethere
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Seagulls..
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An old man at the end of a jetty was selling seagulls $2.50 for one, or three for five bucks.A curious tourist approached him and said, I'll take one, please, before handing over his money.The old man pocketed the money, pointed up to the sky and said: See that one there? That's your one.
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Half price fare..
(Preview)
Half price fare.An airline introduced a half-price fare for women accompanying their husbands on business trips.Expecting valuable testimonials, the airline wrote to all of the wives whod used the special rate, asking them if they enjoyed their trip.Letters are still pouring in asking, What tr...
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If you receive an email.
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