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AWOL.
(Preview)
A soldier ran up to a nun. Out of breath he asked, 'Please, may I hide under your skirt. I'll explain later.' The nun agreed. A moment later two Military Police ran up and asked, Sister, have you seen a soldier?' The nun replied, 'He went that way.' After the MP's ran off, the soldier crawled out from under...
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Possum3
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0
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645
|
|
|
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Politics.
(Preview)
Son: "Daddy, I have to write a special report for school, but I don't know what Politics is." Father: "Well, let's take our home as an example. I am the bread-winner, so let's call me Capitalism. Your Mum is the administrator of money, so we'll call her Government. We take care of your need, so let's call...
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Possum3
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0
|
690
|
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|
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Is twice a year enough.
(Preview)
After his examination the doctor said to Biker John, a Police motorcyclist,"You appear to be in good health. Do you have any medical concerns you would like to ask me about?""In fact, I do," Said John."After I have sex Im usually cold and chilly and then, after have sex with her the second time, I am usua...
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JayDee
|
1
|
696
|
|
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Washing day.
(Preview)
A young couple moved into a new neighbourhood. The next morning while they were eating breakfast, the young woman sees her neighbour hanging the wash outside. That laundry is not very clean, she said. She doesnt know how to wash correctly. Perhaps she needs better laundry soap. Her husband looked...
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Possum3
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0
|
750
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|
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|
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Fishing buddies.
(Preview)
Four guys have been going to the same fishing spot for many years. Two days before the group is to leave, Franks wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going. Franks friends are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do. Two days later the three get to the camp site only to find Frank sitting th...
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Possum3
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0
|
656
|
|
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Complaints to Councils
(Preview)
Extracts from letters written by council tenants: > 1. It's the dogs mess that I find hard to swallow. > 2. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.... > 3. I wish to complain that my father twisted his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his ba...
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Possum3
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1
|
746
|
|
|
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The nail.
(Preview)
Carol, a young city girl, marries John, a South Coast dairy farmer. One morning, on his way out to check on the cows, John says to Carol, 'The insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows today. I drove a nail into the rail above the cow's stall in the barn. You show him where the cow is when h...
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Possum3
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0
|
576
|
|
|
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7 happy ladies and a disappointing bloke.
(Preview)
t was a bus tour for senior citizens. When they arrived at the Three Sisters, in the Blue Mountains, the driver parked the bus and the passengers made their doddering, unsteady descent to the footpath. As they filed past, one elderly lady stopped and whispered in the drivers ear. Ive been sexually har...
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JayDee
|
0
|
667
|
|
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Wife's choice !!!!
(Preview)
A man wakes up in the hospital bandaged from head to foot. The doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now you probably won't remember, but you were in a huge pile-up on the freeway. You're going to be ok, you'll walk again and everything, but...
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Bobdown
|
0
|
746
|
|
|
|
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The Plotnick Diamond.
(Preview)
A lady was sitting near a woman who was wearing a magnificent diamond pendant. At dinner, a lady turns to the woman next to her and says: My, thats a beautiful diamond youre wearing. In fact, I think its the most beautiful diamond I have ever seen! Thank you, replies Judy. This is the Plotnick Diamond. T...
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Possum3
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0
|
797
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|
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Rules of Possession.
(Preview)
For toddlers (and wives). 1. If I like it, it's mine. 2. If it is in my hands, it's mine. 3. If I can take it from you, it's mine. 4. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine. 5. If it looks like mine, it's mine. 6. If I am doing or building something, all the pieces are mine. 7. If I saw it first, it's mine. 8. If it is...
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Possum3
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0
|
697
|
|
|
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A teacher noticed.....
(Preview)
A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of the class was squirming around, scratching his crotch, and not paying attention. She went back to find out what was going on.He was quite embarrassed but whispered that he had just recently been circumcised and he was quite itchy.The teacher told him t...
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aussie_paul
|
0
|
670
|
|
|
|
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manyana
(Preview)
maybe THE MEANING OF MANYANASpanish singer Julio Iglesias was on UK television with British TV host Anne Diamond.He used the word "manyana". Diamond asked him to explain what it meant.He said that the term means: "Maybe the job will be done tomorrow; maybe the next day; maybe the day after that; or p...
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Craig1
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3
|
901
|
|
|
|
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The Duck
(Preview)
A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer and a ham sandwich. The barman looks at him and says, "Hang on! You're a duck." "I see your eyes are working," replies the duck. "And you can talk!" Exclaims the barman. "I see your ears are working, too," Says the duck. "Now if you don't mind, can I have my beer...
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Possum3
|
0
|
636
|
|
|
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Pub.
(Preview)
A bloke walks into a Pub. Lucky Bugger.
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Possum3
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2
|
967
|
|
|
|
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Gold Medal Battle
(Preview)
A Russian and an Irish wrestler were set to square off for the Olympic gold medal.Before the final match, the Irish wrestler's trainer came to him and said "Now, don't forget all the research we've done on this Russian. He's never lost a match because of this "pretzel" hold he has. It ties you up in knots...
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fwdoz
|
2
|
824
|
|
|
|
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Cute
(Preview)
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Bobdown
|
0
|
820
|
|
|
|
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Star Wars Toys
(Preview)
Retailers have pulled all the Darth Vader toys from their shelves. Apparently they are a choking hazard.
|
fwdoz
|
0
|
651
|
|
|
|
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Car Navigation
(Preview)
When we're driving somewhere, the wife always moans about the route I take and always points out to me which way I should have gone, especially if we get stuck in traffic. She's my SatNag.
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fwdoz
|
0
|
629
|
|
|
|
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Paddy.
(Preview)
Paddy and Murphy swap sandwiches at lunch, Murphy has one bite and spits it out and says "what the feck was that". "Crab paste" Paddy answered. "Where did you get that?" Murphy asks. Paddy replies, "Saw it when I was at the Chemist".
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Possum3
|
0
|
787
|
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