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Car crash
(Preview)
My wife crashed her car yesterday. She told the Police that the man she hit was on his phone and drinking a can of beer at the time. The Police told her the man is entitled to do whatever he likes on his own front porch.
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Bobdown
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0
|
1455
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For the Drinkers.
(Preview)
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Possum3
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0
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1557
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There’s a federal election coming soon.
(Preview)
While walking down the street one day a Member of Parliament is tragically hit by a truck and dies. His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance. 'Welcome to heaven,' says St. Peter. 'Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these pa...
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Bobdown
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0
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1441
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Irish night school
(Preview)
Further Education -nothing like it! Mick: I've been going to Night Classes every night for 5 months now. Paddy: oh! Mick: For example, do you know who Alexander Graham Bell is? Paddy: No Mick: He's the inventor of the phone in 1876; If you took night classes you'd know this. The next day, ...
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Bobdown
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0
|
1389
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Before.
(Preview)
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Possum3
|
0
|
1635
|
|
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Choice
(Preview)
A group of friends went deer hunting. They decided to separate into pairs for the day to cover more ground. That night, one hunter returned alone, staggering under a huge buck. The rest of the group helped him as he dropped the buck, before looking around. ?Where?s Harry?? asked one of the other hunter...
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Possum3
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0
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1389
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SCOTTISH COMPASSION
(Preview)
A man is sitting on a blanket at the beach. He has no arms and no legs. Three women, from England, Wales, and Scotland, Walk past and felt sorry for the poor man. The English woman said "Have you ever had a hug?" The man said "No," so she gave him a hug and walked on. The Welsh woman said, "Have you ever had a...
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Paintar
|
0
|
1284
|
|
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The Lawyer.
(Preview)
A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute. "Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to...
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Possum3
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0
|
1139
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I haven't.
(Preview)
A woman takes her teenage daughter to the doctors. The doctor says: Okay, Maam, whats the problem? The mother answers: Its my daughter. She keeps getting these cravings, shes putting on weight and she is sick most mornings. The doctor gives the girl a good examination, then turns to the mother and say...
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Possum3
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0
|
1257
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Optimist.
(Preview)
Frank always looked on the bright side and would constantly irritate his friends with his eternal optimism. No matter how horrible the circumstance, he would always reply: It could have been worse. To cure him of his annoying habit, his friends decided to invent a situation so bad and terrible, that...
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Possum3
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0
|
1407
|
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What?
(Preview)
Two men walk into a restaurant and sit down. A very beautiful waitress comes to their table to serve them. The first man orders, then the woman looks to the second man. And what would you like? she asks. The man smiles at the server and answers: A quickie. The waitress screws up her face in total disgust. W...
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Possum3
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0
|
1441
|
|
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Low Fat Milk
(Preview)
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Hurls
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0
|
1354
|
|
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That's my boy.
(Preview)
Little Johnny and his friend argued about whose grandpa was better. My grandpa doesnt need a walking stick, Little Johnny boasted. Yeah well my grandpa can still drive, his friend replied. Oh yeah? Little Johnny said as he puffed out his chest. Well, my grandpa doesnt even use glasses! His friend sho...
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Possum3
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0
|
1290
|
|
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Little Johnny
(Preview)
Little Johnny walked into class. His teacher held out her hand and asked sternly, Wheres your homework? My dog ate it, Little Johnny answered seriously. The teacher crossed her arms and said, Johnny, Ive been a teacher for eighteen years. Do you really expect me to believe that? Its true, Miss, I swea...
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Possum3
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0
|
1423
|
|
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|
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More funnies
(Preview)
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Bobdown
|
0
|
1272
|
|
|
|
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Friday Funnies
(Preview)
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LLD
|
0
|
1836
|
|
|
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Missing Person.
(Preview)
Husband: My wife is missing. She went to rescue people from the flood yesterday and has not come home... Sergeant at Police Station: ... What is her height? Husband: Gee, I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall. Sergeant: Weight? Husband: Don't know. Not slim, not really fat. Sergeant: Color of ey...
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Possum3
|
1
|
1774
|
|
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Stand up Comedian
(Preview)
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Bobdown
|
0
|
1313
|
|
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Understanding the lingo.
(Preview)
One of me immigrant mates is now a true blue Aussie. I saw him drinking his own urine, chasing chooks around his back yard and with his ear close to a bulls arse. ... He said he was being an Aussie like me - drinking lots of piss, chasing chicks and listening to utter bull****.
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rgren2
|
0
|
1285
|
|
|
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Negligee present.
(Preview)
An old man enters a lingerie store to purchase a transparent negligee for his wife. The saleswoman shows him several possibilities that range from $250 to $500 in price, the more sheer, the higher the price. Naturally, he opts for the sheerest item, pays the $500, and takes it home. He presents it to hi...
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Possum3
|
0
|
1279
|
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