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Dining etiquette
(Preview)
An Australian, and Englishman and an American are on a cruise with their wives. Sitting at breakfast the first morning, the Englishman sets our to impress his neighbours with his affection for his wife. He says, "Would you please pass the honey, Honey?" With this the American chimes in, "Can you pass...
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Dave1952
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1
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558
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Johnny and the frogs
(Preview)
Young Johnny is at school and he has to give a talk on what he did over the weekend. He gets up before the class and proceeds to tell the entire class how he and his best mate, Freddy, spent the weekend catching frogs, shoving crackers up their arses and lighting them. At this point the Teacher, a sweet, dem...
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Dave1952
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1
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508
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Property sizes
(Preview)
Three tourists, an Englishman, an American from Texas, and an Aussie are on board ship on a cruise. They are all seated at the same table in the dining room on the first night at sea. To open the conversation, after introductions, the Englishman stated, "Back home in the U.K., I have an estate so large,...
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Dave1952
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0
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471
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Infants and infancy
(Preview)
Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
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Dave1952
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0
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529
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If I have to go .....
(Preview)
A couple were being given a guided tour of Pico da Bandeira, one of the highest mountains in Brazil. Their guide pointed out where a young couple, petrified by lava, had been discovered. They had died in the act of making love. "How awful," exclaimed the wife. "But what a great way to spend eternity," a...
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Possum3
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0
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524
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Oil Shortage
(Preview)
Not sure if this has already been posted A lot of folks can't understand how we came to have an oil shortage here in Australia.Well, there's a very simple answer. Nobody bothered to check the oil. We just didn't know we were getting low. The reason for that is purely geographical. Our OIL is located in Ba...
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Tony Bev
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3
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658
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It's cold.
(Preview)
A priest and a nun are driving back from a religious festival at night when their car breaks down on a dark road. With no garage in sight and the lights of a small hotel in the near distance, they decide to stay in the hotel and look for a mechanic to fix their car in the morning. But when they get to reception,...
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Possum3
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1
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717
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Positive Outlooks..
(Preview)
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aussie_paul
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2
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639
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Dr advice.
(Preview)
I just had a physical and the Doctor said "Don't eat anything fatty". I said "What! Like bacon or hamburgers?" He said "No Fatty don't eat anything"
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Possum3
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2
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654
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Mum and daughter.
(Preview)
I ended up with an older woman last night. She looked pretty good for a 60-year-old. InFact she wasn't too bad at all, and I foundmyself think that she probably had a reallyhot daughter.We drank a bit (well, more than a bit) we hada snuggle, and she asked me if I had everhad a "Sportsman's Double?"."Wha...
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rgren2
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0
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610
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Lost wife
(Preview)
A man was wondering through a large supermarket when he approached the very beautiful woman. Excuse me, Ive lost my wife here in the supermarket, he said. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes? Why? the woman asked. He replied: Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman my wife appears out of nowh...
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Possum3
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0
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578
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Loose Girl
(Preview)
Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl. The priest asks, Is that you, little Joey Pagano? Yes, Father, it is. And who was the girl you were with? I cant tell you, Father. I dont want to ruin her reputation. Well, Joey, Im sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tel...
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Paintar
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0
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551
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Surfer Boy
(Preview)
A surfer, who is well known for the amount of waves he catches, is asked for his secret. "It's simple," he replies. "When I get up in the morning and my wife is lying on her right side, I only take waves with a right break. If she is lying on her left side, I only take waves with a left break." "But, suppose she i...
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Possum3
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1
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685
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Atheist on plane.
(Preview)
An atheist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane. He turned to her and said: Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger. What would you want to talk about? the little girl replied to the stranger. Oh I dont know, the atheist said. How about w...
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Possum3
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1
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641
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Parachute.
(Preview)
Doing the rounds of his barns in a remote country area, a farmer came across a parachutist who had landed in a pile of hay. "What happened?" asked the farmer, who knew tourists often visited the region for parachuting. "My chute failed to open," the parachutist replied. "Ah well, if you'd asked the loc...
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Possum3
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1
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607
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Understanding Engineers
(Preview)
Understanding Engineers #1 Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the gr...
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Cadpete
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8
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975
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Senior Moments
(Preview)
A must watch. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Yn6sik-fkc
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Dave1952
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1
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876
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The Guitarist
(Preview)
As a guitarist, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper's cemetery in the countryside. As I was not familiar with that area in the middle of nowhere, I got lost.I finally ar...
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fwdoz
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2
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968
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Elderly couple watching TV
(Preview)
An elderly couple were at home watching TV. Phil had the remote and was switching back and forth between a fishing channel and the porn channel. Sally became more and more annoyed and finally said "For God's sake, Phil... leave it on the porn channel... you know how to fish!"
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fwdoz
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2
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819
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Pull Buddy pull!
(Preview)
A guy drives into a ditch, but luckily, a farmer is there to help. He hitches his horse, Buddy, up to the car and yells "Pull, Nellie, pull!" Buddy doesn't move. "Pull, Buster, pull!" Buddy doesn't budge. "Pull, Coco, pull!" Nothing. Then the farmer says "Pull, Buddy, pull!" And the horse drags the car...
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fwdoz
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3
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722
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