Just Joking

fwdoz · fwdoz

Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarised. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby, was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached the h...

fwdoz · fwdoz

The newly-married husband came home from the office to find his young wife in floods of tears. "Darling, whatever is the matter?" he asks. "Sweetheart" she sobs "the most terrible thing has happened! I cooked my very first Beef Bourguignon for you, and I got it out the oven to season it, and the phone ra...

fwdoz · fwdoz

I am writing for a good friend of mine. His wife told him to go out and obtain some of those pills that would help him get an erection. When he came back, he handed her diet pills. Anyway, he's looking for a place to live.

Possum3 · Possum3

A couple of anthropologists fly to the South Sea islands to study the locals. They go to two adjacent islands and set to work. A few months later one of them takes a canoe over to the other island to see how his colleague his doing. When he gets there, he finds the other anthropologist standing among a grou...

aussie_paul · aussie_paul

A young man, CALLED jOHNNY, was lost wandering in a forest, when he came upon a small house. He knocked on the door and was greeted by an ancient Chinese man with a long, grey beard. "I'm lost," said the man. "Can you put me up for the night ?""Certainly," the Chinese man said, "but on one condition. If you s...

Possum3 · Possum3

An old bloke went to the doctor and complained that he had a hearing problem. The doctor said "Tell me about your symptoms "The old bloke said; "Well Homer is a fat guy and Marge has got blue hair".

Aus-Kiwi · Aus-Kiwi

Possum3 · Possum3

John and Sonya are flying to Australia for a two week holiday to celebrate their 40th anniversary. Suddenly, over the speaker the captain announces, "Ladies and gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning and we will attempt an emergency landing. Luckily, I...

aussie_paul · aussie_paul

A bloke from the bush walked into a Sydney antique shop. After looking around for a while, he noticed a very life-like bronze statue of a rat. It had no price tag, but it was so striking that he decided to buy it anyway. He took it to the owner and said: 'How much is this bronze rat?' The owner replied: 'It's $...

Possum3 · Possum3

A cardiologist died and was given an elaborate funeral. A huge heart covered with flowers stood behind the casket during the service. Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside. The heart then closed, sealing the doctor behind the beautiful heart forever. At that point on...

Paintar · Paintar

A retired sailor puts on his old uniform and heads for the docks once more, for old times sake. He engages a prostitute and takes her up to a room. He's soon going at it as well as he can for a guy his age, but needing some reassurance, he asks, 'How am I doing?' The prostitute replies, 'Well, ol...

Dave1952 · Dave1952

Let's see who has a clean mind here.Starts with F and ends with K A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, 'Harry, what's your problem?' Harry answered, 'I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she...

MOLLUSCAN · MOLLUSCAN

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patty Whack."Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's ok...

Possum3 · Possum3

A grandmother is giving directions to her adult grandson who is coming to visit. You come to the front door of the apartment. I am in apartment 301. There is a big panel at the front door. With your elbow, push button 301. I will buzz you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in, and with your elb...

fwdoz · fwdoz

The manager of a liquor store gets a midnight phone call at home: "Hello!" "At what time does the store open?" "At ten o'clock sir". At two in the morning, the phone rings again: "HELLO!" "Ya (burp), at what time does, euh, the store open?" "AT TEN IN THE MORNING, sir". Again, at four, the phone rings: "H!...

oldbloke · oldbloke

During a visit to my doctor, I asked him, "How do you determine whether or not an older person should be put in an old age home?" "Well," he said, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the person to empty the bathtub." "Oh, I understand," I said. "A normal person would use...

Dave1952 · Dave1952

The Dying Priest In Canberra an old priest lay dying in the hospital. For years he had faithfully served the people of the nation's capital. He motioned for his nurse to come near. "Yes, Father?" said the nurse. "I would really like to see Prime Minister and the Treasurer before I die", whispered the pr...

oldbloke · oldbloke

A golfer is in a competitive match with a friend, who is ahead by a couple of strokes."Boy, I'd give anything to sink this putt," the golfer mumbles to himself.Just then, a stranger walks up beside him and whispers, "Would you be willing to give up one-fourth of your sex life?"Thinking the man is craz...

Possum3 · Possum3

I just joined a Gym and signed up for a fitness class, They told me to wear loose fitting clothing. If I had loose fitting clothing I wouldn't have joined the Gym.

aussie_paul · aussie_paul

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	Ransacked house (Preview) Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarised. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby, was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached the h...	fwdoz	0	605	04:03 PM Jun 22, 2018 by fwdoz
	Newlyweds (Preview) The newly-married husband came home from the office to find his young wife in floods of tears. "Darling, whatever is the matter?" he asks. "Sweetheart" she sobs "the most terrible thing has happened! I cooked my very first Beef Bourguignon for you, and I got it out the oven to season it, and the phone ra...	fwdoz	0	649	03:59 PM Jun 22, 2018 by fwdoz
	Those special pills (Preview) I am writing for a good friend of mine. His wife told him to go out and obtain some of those pills that would help him get an erection. When he came back, he handed her diet pills. Anyway, he's looking for a place to live.	fwdoz	0	555	03:56 PM Jun 22, 2018 by fwdoz
	Anthropology (Preview) A couple of anthropologists fly to the South Sea islands to study the locals. They go to two adjacent islands and set to work. A few months later one of them takes a canoe over to the other island to see how his colleague his doing. When he gets there, he finds the other anthropologist standing among a grou...	Possum3	0	463	01:55 PM Jun 22, 2018 by Possum3
	A different Johny story..... (Preview) A young man, CALLED jOHNNY, was lost wandering in a forest, when he came upon a small house. He knocked on the door and was greeted by an ancient Chinese man with a long, grey beard. "I'm lost," said the man. "Can you put me up for the night ?""Certainly," the Chinese man said, "but on one condition. If you s...	aussie_paul	5	1220	11:10 PM Jun 21, 2018 by Tony Bev
	Hearing (Preview) An old bloke went to the doctor and complained that he had a hearing problem. The doctor said "Tell me about your symptoms "The old bloke said; "Well Homer is a fat guy and Marge has got blue hair".	Possum3	2	717	11:01 PM Jun 21, 2018 by Tony Bev
	Something for the pup . (Preview)	Aus-Kiwi	0	684	09:24 PM Jun 21, 2018 by Aus-Kiwi
	Lost (Preview) John and Sonya are flying to Australia for a two week holiday to celebrate their 40th anniversary. Suddenly, over the speaker the captain announces, "Ladies and gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning and we will attempt an emergency landing. Luckily, I...	Possum3	1	650	07:32 PM Jun 21, 2018 by fwdoz
	A bloke from the bush walked into a Sydney antique shop. (Preview) A bloke from the bush walked into a Sydney antique shop. After looking around for a while, he noticed a very life-like bronze statue of a rat. It had no price tag, but it was so striking that he decided to buy it anyway. He took it to the owner and said: 'How much is this bronze rat?' The owner replied: 'It's $...	aussie_paul	1	801	04:20 PM Jun 21, 2018 by Blues Man
	Funerals (Preview) A cardiologist died and was given an elaborate funeral. A huge heart covered with flowers stood behind the casket during the service. Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside. The heart then closed, sealing the doctor behind the beautiful heart forever. At that point on...	Possum3	1	753	06:53 AM Jun 21, 2018 by Blues Man
	Retired Sailor (Preview) A retired sailor puts on his old uniform and heads for the docks once more, for old times sake. He engages a prostitute and takes her up to a room. He's soon going at it as well as he can for a guy his age, but needing some reassurance, he asks, 'How am I doing?' The prostitute replies, 'Well, ol...	Paintar	1	757	03:23 PM Jun 20, 2018 by Blues Man
	Starts with "F" and ends with "K" (Preview) Let's see who has a clean mind here.Starts with F and ends with K A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, *'Harry, what's your problem?'* Harry answered, *'I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm* *smarter than she...*	Dave1952	3	858	02:37 PM Jun 20, 2018 by jade46
	I think you will all sing along with this one. I did! (Preview) A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patty Whack."Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's ok...	MOLLUSCAN	1	697	08:38 AM Jun 20, 2018 by 67HR
	Visiting Granny. (Preview) A grandmother is giving directions to her adult grandson who is coming to visit. You come to the front door of the apartment. I am in apartment 301. There is a big panel at the front door. With your elbow, push button 301. I will buzz you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in, and with your elb...	Possum3	0	733	07:38 PM Jun 19, 2018 by Possum3
	What time does the store open? (Preview) The manager of a liquor store gets a midnight phone call at home: "Hello!" "At what time does the store open?" "At ten o'clock sir". At two in the morning, the phone rings again: "HELLO!" "Ya (burp), at what time does, euh, the store open?" "AT TEN IN THE MORNING, sir". Again, at four, the phone rings: "H!...	fwdoz	1	634	06:36 PM Jun 19, 2018 by 67HR
	Nursing Home h (Preview) During a visit to my doctor, I asked him, "How do you determine whether or not an older person should be put in an old age home?" "Well," he said, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the person to empty the bathtub." "Oh, I understand," I said. "A normal person would use...	oldbloke	1	740	06:32 PM Jun 19, 2018 by 67HR
	The Dying Priest (Preview) The Dying Priest In Canberra an old priest lay dying in the hospital. For years he had faithfully served the people of the nation's capital. He motioned for his nurse to come near. "Yes, Father?" said the nurse. "I would really like to see Prime Minister and the Treasurer before I die", whispered the pr...	Dave1952	0	508	11:33 AM Jun 19, 2018 by Dave1952
	Golfer (Preview) A golfer is in a competitive match with a friend, who is ahead by a couple of strokes."Boy, I'd give anything to sink this putt," the golfer mumbles to himself.Just then, a stranger walks up beside him and whispers, "Would you be willing to give up one-fourth of your sex life?"Thinking the man is craz...	oldbloke	1	620	06:46 AM Jun 19, 2018 by Blues Man
	Gym membership. (Preview) I just joined a Gym and signed up for a fitness class, They told me to wear loose fitting clothing. If I had loose fitting clothing I wouldn't have joined the Gym.	Possum3	0	677	04:10 PM Jun 17, 2018 by Possum3
	Tact.... (Preview)	aussie_paul	1	689	08:34 PM Jun 16, 2018 by JA2340
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