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Manatee
(Preview)
So was at a bar last night and saw this fat chick wearing a shirt that said, "caution, I'm a maneater"I walked up to the girl and timidly said, "excuse me, Miss... about your shirt"She interrupted me before I could continue and furiously shouted; "Oh let me guess, you're here to make a comment about how I...
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rgren2
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0
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745
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lol...
(Preview)
What do you get when you wake up on a workday and realize you ran out of coffee?-A depresso. Aussie Paul.
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aussie_paul
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1
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602
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Sherlock Holmes
(Preview)
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they laid down for the night, and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see". Watson replied "I see millions and millions of...
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fwdoz
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1
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667
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Lonely widow.
(Preview)
A lonely 70-year-old widow decided that it was time to marry again. She put an ad in the local newspaper that read: Husband wanted! Must be in my age group, must not beat me, must not run around on me and must still be good in bed. All applicants please apply in person. The following day, she heard the doorb...
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Possum3
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1
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973
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Stuff that will keep you awake at night
(Preview)
-What if my dog only brings back the ball because he thinks I like throwing it? -If poison is past its expiry date, is it more poisonous or is it no longer poisonous?-Which letter is silent in the word "Scent", the S or the C? -Maybe oxygen is slowly killing you and it just takes 75-100 years to fully work. -...
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fwdoz
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0
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792
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The funeral procession
(Preview)
A Jewish man was leaving a convenience store with his espresso when he noticed a most unusual Italian funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A black hearse was followed by a second black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary Italian man walki...
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fwdoz
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0
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532
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The car salesman
(Preview)
A retired older couple returned to a Cadillac dealership where the salesman has just sold the car they had been keen on buying to a beautiful, leggy, busty blonde in a mini-skirt and a halter top.The old man was visibly upset. He spoke to the salesman sharply "Young man, I thought you said you would hold...
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fwdoz
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0
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538
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Donating old clothes
(Preview)
One day a woman decided to gather up all of her old clothes that she no longer wore and donate them. She got them all bagged up, walked into the living room where her husband was watching TV and said "Look at this! I'm going to donate all of these old clothes!" The husband replied "Why don't you just thrown t...
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fwdoz
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0
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602
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Russian Maid.
(Preview)
The Russian maid asked for a pay rise. The wife was inclined to refuse but decided to talk to her about the raise. She asked, "Now Anna; why do you want more pay?" ... Anna: "Well, Ma'am, there are tree reasons why I wanna increaze. The first reason is that I am cleaning better than you." Wife: "Who said you...
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Possum3
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2
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836
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The blonde
(Preview)
Joe goes into a bar on his way home. He sits down next to an attractive young blonde to watch the news on the TV. The news was just coming on and they were covering the story of a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump.The blonde looked at Joe and said:"Do you think he'll jump?"Joe said: "You kn...
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rgren2
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2
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691
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Golfing couple.
(Preview)
A husband and wife love to golf together, but neither of them are playing as well as they want to so they decide to take private lessons. The husband has his lesson first. After the professional sees his swing, he says, No, no, no. Youre gripping the club way too hard! Well, what should I do? the man asks. T...
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Possum3
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2
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763
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Plane crash.
(Preview)
Passengers on an airplane were enjoying their flight until they heard an announcement from the captain. "Ladies and gentlemen, I am sorry to inform you that we have lost power to all of our engines and will shortly crash into the ocean," he said. The passengers were obviously very worried about the si...
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Possum3
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0
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631
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BBQ
(Preview)
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Aus-Kiwi
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0
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907
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Your'e drunk...
(Preview)
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aussie_paul
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2
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1010
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Gardening
(Preview)
A woman is having a hard time getting her tomatoes to ripen so she goes to her neighbour and asks for help with her problem. The neighbour says, Oh thats easy! All you have to do is go out at midnight and dance around in the garden naked for a few minutes, and the tomatoes will become so embarrassed, they wil...
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Possum3
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1
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783
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Climate change?????
(Preview)
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aussie_paul
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1
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764
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Why yellow ?
(Preview)
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Aus-Kiwi
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4
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876
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Truisms
(Preview)
"Do not touch" Would be one of the scariest things to read in braille. During labour a woman can almost imagine what a man feels when he has a cold. "Yes officer, I did see the speed limit sign, I just didn't see you". Its ok to disagree with me, I can't force you to be right. Arguing with a woman is like readin...
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Magnarc
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2
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878
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A real woman.
(Preview)
An aeroplane gets into difficulty and the passengers begin to worry that it is going to crash. One female passenger jumps out of her seat and shouts: "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman." She then removes all her clothing and asks: "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to mak...
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Possum3
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0
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853
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Piercings...
(Preview)
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aussie_paul
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1
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791
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