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Nice treat ..
(Preview)
A Scotsman and his wife walked past a swanky new restaurant last night... "Did you smell that food?" she asked. "Incredible!" Being the 'Kind Hearted Scotsman', he thought, "What the heck, I'll treat her!" So they walked past it again.
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Aus-Kiwi
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1
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908
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When a dairy farmer does some upgrades
(Preview)
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Aus-Kiwi
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4
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951
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Only One Vacancy in Heaven
(Preview)
Stormy Daniels (Donald Trump's friend) and QueenElizabeth went to the Pearly Gates on the same day. Theyboth met with an angel to find out if they would beadmitted to HeavenThe angel said: "Unfortunately, there's only one spaceavailable in Heaven today so I must decide which one ofyou will be admi...
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aussie_paul
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1
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795
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A Texan
(Preview)
A Texan went to Chicago and thought he would buy a new "city" outfit. He went into Marshall Fields and when asked by a sweet young woman if she could help him, he answered, "Yes ma'am. Ya see, I'm from Texas and I want to buy a complete city outfit."Her eyes lit up as she asked, "Where would you like to start?...
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rgren2
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0
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743
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Lost on the golf course
(Preview)
A guy was playing golf one day and he got lost. He saw a lady up ahead of him and went to her and said "Can you please help me, I don't know what hole I'm on".She told him "You are one hole behind me. I'm on 7, you're on 6". He thanked her and continued playing golf.On the back nine he got lost again.He saw the same...
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fwdoz
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0
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768
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The boyfriend
(Preview)
A young woman brought her fiancé home to meet her parents. After dinner, her mother told the girl's father to find out about the young man. The father invited the fiancé to his study for a talk. "So, what are your plans?" the father asked the young man. "I am a biblical scholar" he replied. "A biblical sch...
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fwdoz
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0
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695
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Battered & Bruised
(Preview)
A guy goes over to his brother's house all bruised and his clothes torn. His brother says "Man, where have you been?" "I just got back from burying my mother-in-law". "How did you get all bruised and your clothes torn from burying your mother-in-law?" "She wouldn't lie still!"
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fwdoz
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0
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633
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The Old Couple
(Preview)
An elderly couple sat through a porno movie twice. They didn't get up to leave until the theatre was ready to close for the night. "You folks must've enjoyed the show" the usher said. "Disgusting " said the old lady. "It was revolting" her husband added. "Then why did you sit through it twice?" the usher...
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fwdoz
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0
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818
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Passenger Ship
(Preview)
From a passenger ship one can see a bearded man on a small island who is shouting and desperately waving is hands. "Who is it?" a passenger asks the captain. "I have no idea. Every year when we pass, he goes mad like that".
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fwdoz
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0
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794
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The Feud
(Preview)
There were some backwoods hillbillies living across the river from each other, who feuded constantly. John hated Clarence with a passion and never passed up a chance to throw rocks across the river at Clarence. This went on for years until one day the Corps of Engineers came to build a bridge across th...
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fwdoz
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0
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816
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Pregnant Lady
(Preview)
A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. The man seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the dri...
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Dave1952
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0
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944
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Golden Syrup
(Preview)
A man with a bald head and a wooden leg is invited to a Xmas fancy dress party.. He doesn't know what to wear to hide his head and his wooden leg, so he writes to a fancy dress company to explain his problem. A few days later he receives a parcel with a note: Dear Sir, Please fi...
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Dave1952
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0
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744
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Copper Wire
(Preview)
After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, British scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 200 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 150 years ago. Not to be outdone by the Brit's, in the weeks that followed, an American arch...
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Dave1952
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0
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664
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Texas Bank Robbery
(Preview)
A hooded robber burst into a Texas Bank and forced the tellers to load a sack full of cash. On his way out the door a brave Texas customer grabbed the hood and pulled it off revealing the robber's face. The robber shot the customer without a moment's hesitation. He then looked around the bank and notic...
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Dave1952
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0
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675
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Biter bit
(Preview)
When you swim near a rock and an eel bites your C--k that's a Moray. (Apologies to Dean Martin)
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Magnarc
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1
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688
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Old Age.
(Preview)
Three sisters aged 82, 84 and 86 live in a house together. One night the 86-year-old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She yells down the stairs, was I getting in or out of the bath?. The 84-year-old yells back, I dont know. Ill come up and see. She starts up the stairs and pauses. Then she yells,...
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Possum3
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1
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834
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Baby discrimination.
(Preview)
I know you have been lying awake all night, wondering why Baby Nappies have names like LUVs, Cuddles & Huggs. Yet undergarments for old people are called Depends. Well here is the low down on the whole thing: When babies crap in their pants, people are still going to LUV them, Cuddle them and Hugg...
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Possum3
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0
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739
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Australian Letter of the Year
(Preview)
Please excuse the language but this is well worth reading Australian Letter of the Year.... This is an actual letter sent to the DFAT (Department of Foreign Affairs and Trade) Immigration Minister. The Commonwealth Government tried desperately to censure the author, but g...
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Dave1952
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3
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838
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Harpoon Harry’s
(Preview)
A 79-year-old man is having a drink in Harpoon Harrys. Suddenly a gorgeous girl enters and sits down a few seats away. The girl is so attractive that he just can't take his eyes off her. After a short while, the girl notices him staring, and approaches him. Before the man has time to apologize, the gi...
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Paintar
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1
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745
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Irish Divorce
(Preview)
Irish Divorce = Simple Explanation The mother-in-law arrives home from shopping to find her son-in-law, Paddy, in a steaming rage and hurriedly packing his suitcase. "What happened Paddy?" she asks anxiously. "What happened? I'll tell you what happened! I sent an email to my wife telling her I was...
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Paintar
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0
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939
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