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What gives?
(Preview)
The teacher asked "All right children, who can tell me what a chicken gives?" Mary answered "A chicken gives eggs!" The teacher then asked "Now who can tell me what a goat gives?" And Paul answered "A goat gives goat milk!" And finally, the teacher asked "Well now, who can tell me what a cow gives?" And Li...
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fwdoz
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1
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704
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A blonde & her dogs
(Preview)
A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?" "HELLLOOOOOOO..." answered the blonde " They're...
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fwdoz
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1
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762
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Nobel Prize professor
(Preview)
A Nobel Prize winning mathematician is traveling from university to university on a speaking tour by limousine. After several engagements the mathematician and his driver are having dinner and the driver says "I've heard your speech so many times I think I could give it word-for-word". The mathem...
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fwdoz
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1
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756
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A wife complains
(Preview)
A wife complains to her husband: "Just look at that couple down the road, how lovely they are. He keeps holding her hand, kissing her, holding the door for her, why can't you do the same?" The husband: "Are you mad? I barely know that woman!"
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fwdoz
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1
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644
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Hunting for deer
(Preview)
It was Saturday morning as Jake, an avid hunter, woke up ready to go bag the first deer of the season. He walks down to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee, and to his surprise he finds his wife, Alice, sitting there, fully dressed in camouflage.Jake asks "What are you up to?" Alice smiles and says "I'm going...
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fwdoz
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1
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776
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Contractor and the Pearly Gates
(Preview)
A contractor dies in a car accident on his 40th birthday and finds himself at the Pearly Gates. A brass band is playing, the angels are singing a beautiful hymn, there is a huge crowd cheering and shouting his name, and absolutely everyone wants to shake his hand.Just when he thinks things can't possib...
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fwdoz
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1
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760
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Ed the drunk
(Preview)
Ed came home drunk, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife and fell into a deep slumber.He awoke before the Pearly Gates, where St. Peter said "You died in your sleep, Ed".Ed was stunned. "I'm dead? No, I can't be! I've got too much to live for. Send me back!" St. Peter said "I'm sorry, but there's only one...
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fwdoz
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1
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695
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Dr Geezer
(Preview)
An old geezer became very bored in retirement and decided to open a medical clinic.He put a sign up outside that said: DR. GEEZER'S CLINIC. GET YOUR TREATMENT FOR $500. IF NOT CURED, GET BACK $1,000.Doctor Young, who was positive that this old geezer didn't know beans about medicine, thought this wou...
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fwdoz
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1
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695
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The retiring priest
(Preview)
A Priest was being honoured at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish. A leading local figure and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and to give a little speech at the dinner. However, he was delayed, so the Priest decided to say his own few words while they waited...
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fwdoz
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1
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838
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How is Noreen?
(Preview)
A sweet grandmother telephoned St. Joseph 's Hospital. She timidly asked "Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?"The operator said "I'll be glad to help, dear. What's the name and room number?" The grandmother in her weak, tremulous voice said "Noreen, in Room 302"....
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fwdoz
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1
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860
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The boy finally speaks
(Preview)
The eight-year old boy had never spoken a word - ever. One afternoon, as he sat eating his lunch he turned to his mother and said "Soup's cold". His astonished mother exclaimed "Son, I've waited so long to hear you speak. But all these years you've never said a thing. Why haven't you spoken before?" The b...
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fwdoz
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0
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583
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Good old Moonshine
(Preview)
Two old boys got together to do some fishing. One of them brought along a jar of 'shine' to sip on while they were fishing. After an hour or so it had gotten hot and the minnows were moving pretty slow in the bucket so one of them drizzled a little 'shine' into the minnow bucket and they perked right up. So he r...
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fwdoz
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0
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640
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Debt paid.
(Preview)
A man is attending the funeral of a close friend. One of the mourners sitting in the row him behind stands up and admits he owes the deceased an outstanding debt of $100. I am a man of my word, he says, as he drops 10 $10 notes into the open coffin and makes his way back to his seat. This prompts another mourner...
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Possum3
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0
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697
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The frog.
(Preview)
An elderly man is out walking on a sunny afternoon. As he crosses the meadow he hears a female voice say: Sir, I would like to ask a great favour of you. Confused, he looks around and sees no one, only a frog sitting by the edge of the trail. I must be going nuts, he thinks, theres no one here. He continues on hi...
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Possum3
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0
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675
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Does it hurt?
(Preview)
A man entered the bus with both of his front pants pockets full of golf balls and sat down next to a beautiful blonde. The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets. Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, 'It's golf balls'. Nevertheless, the blonde continued to look at hi...
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aussie_paul
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1
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902
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Nice treat ..
(Preview)
A Scotsman and his wife walked past a swanky new restaurant last night... "Did you smell that food?" she asked. "Incredible!" Being the 'Kind Hearted Scotsman', he thought, "What the heck, I'll treat her!" So they walked past it again.
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Aus-Kiwi
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1
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926
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When a dairy farmer does some upgrades
(Preview)
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Aus-Kiwi
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4
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965
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Only One Vacancy in Heaven
(Preview)
Stormy Daniels (Donald Trump's friend) and QueenElizabeth went to the Pearly Gates on the same day. Theyboth met with an angel to find out if they would beadmitted to HeavenThe angel said: "Unfortunately, there's only one spaceavailable in Heaven today so I must decide which one ofyou will be admi...
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aussie_paul
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1
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811
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A Texan
(Preview)
A Texan went to Chicago and thought he would buy a new "city" outfit. He went into Marshall Fields and when asked by a sweet young woman if she could help him, he answered, "Yes ma'am. Ya see, I'm from Texas and I want to buy a complete city outfit."Her eyes lit up as she asked, "Where would you like to start?...
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rgren2
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0
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762
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Lost on the golf course
(Preview)
A guy was playing golf one day and he got lost. He saw a lady up ahead of him and went to her and said "Can you please help me, I don't know what hole I'm on".She told him "You are one hole behind me. I'm on 7, you're on 6". He thanked her and continued playing golf.On the back nine he got lost again.He saw the same...
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fwdoz
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0
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783
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