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seniors text codes
(Preview)
Young people have theirs, now WE Seniors have our own texting codes: * ATD- At the Doctor's * BFF - Best Friends Funeral * BTW- Bring the Wheelchair * BYOT - Bring Your Own Teeth * CBM- Covered by Medicare * SUATSC- See You at the Senior Citizens * DWI- Driving While Incontinent * FWIW - Forgot Where I Was * G...
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fwdoz
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1
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1078
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Bigger in Texas.
(Preview)
A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a holiday. There, he meets an Australian farmer and gets talking. The Aussie immediately shows him his big wheat field. "Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large," the Texan says. They then walk around the ranch a little and the Australian shows off h...
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Possum3
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3
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813
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Appropriate uniform
(Preview)
A ship captain is walking on board when a soldier rushes to him and exclaims, An enemy ship is approaching us! The captain replies calmly, Go get my red shirt. The soldier gets the shirt for the captain. The enemy ship comes in and heavy rounds of fire are exchanged. Finally, they win. The soldier says, C...
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Possum3
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0
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1063
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I Resemble these.....
(Preview)
Rest and Relax....We'll be dead soon enough....Hoo Roo -- Edited by Goldfinger on Thursday 15th of November 2018 11:15:11 AM
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Goldfinger
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0
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1483
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Baby planes
(Preview)
A young boy is on an airplane with his mother. He asks her a question. "If big dogs have baby dogs, and big cats have baby cats, then why don't big planes have baby planes?" The mum smiles and tells her son to ask the flight attendant. So he does just that. The flight attendant asks the boy if his mum told him t...
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Possum3
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0
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982
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Retiree Vacuuming....
(Preview)
After retiring, Joe does nothing except sit around the house all day. Fed up, his wife says, "Joe, you could do something useful, like vacuum the house once a week." Joe looks at her for a moment and says, "Sure, why not. Where's the vacuum?" Half an hour later, he walks into the kitchen to get a coffee...
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aussie_paul
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2
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957
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Well, well, well ........
(Preview)
The wedding ceremony came to the point where the Minister asked if anyonehad anything to say concerning the union of the bride and groom. It was their time to stand up and talk, or forever hold their peace. The moment of utter silence was broken by a young beautiful woman carrying a child. She stood up an...
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aussie_paul
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5
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1111
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Soldier Help
(Preview)
Finding a woman sobbing that she had locked her keys in her car, a passing soldier assures her that he can help. She looks on amazed as he removes his trousers, rolls them into a tight ball and rubs them against the car door. Magically it opens. "That's so clever," the woman gasps. "How did you do it?" "Ea...
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fwdoz
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2
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967
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BRAIN FART.....
(Preview)
If you need a laugh today like I do, this should take care of it.https://www.youtube.com/embed/Xv1tMioGgXI?rel=0Aussie Paul.
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aussie_paul
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1
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953
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Seven shots
(Preview)
A man goes into a bar and orders seven shots of tequila and one beer. The bartender lines up shots and goes to get the beer. When he comes back with the pint, all seven shots are gone. The bartender looks shocked and says, Wow! You sure drank those fast. The man replies, You would drink fast too if you had wha...
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Possum3
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1
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1183
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A bit longer one.
(Preview)
I thought I saw Michael J Fox in a flower shop. I couldn't be really sure it was him because, he had his ..back to the fuchsia.
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Peterpan
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0
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1184
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Testing out the horses
(Preview)
Little Larry attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs and rump, and chest. After a few minutes, Larry asked, ' Dad, why are you doing that?' His father replied, 'Because when I'm buying horses, I have to ma...
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fwdoz
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1
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1192
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Long Term Marriage The Italian Way
(Preview)
At St. Peter's Catholic Church in Toronto, they have weekly husbands' marriage seminars. At the session last week, the priest asked Giuseppe, who said he was approaching his 50th wedding anniversary, to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he had managed to stay married to the same woma...
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fwdoz
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0
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1137
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Arsenic
(Preview)
A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the Pharmacy, walked up to the Pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I'd like to buy some cyanide." The Pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?" The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband." The Pharmacist's eyes grew b...
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fwdoz
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1
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837
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The Boss Leaves Early
(Preview)
Three girls worked in an office with the same female boss and each day they noticed that the boss left work early. One day the three decided that when their boss left, they would leave shortly after her. After all, she never came back to work so she would never know that they went home early too. The brune...
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fwdoz
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0
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870
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Mad Wife Disease
(Preview)
A guy was sitting quietly reading his paper when his wife walked up behind him and whacked him on the head with a magazine. "What was that for?" he asked. "That was for the piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Laura Lou written on it," she replied. "Two weeks ago when I went to the races, Laura...
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fwdoz
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0
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914
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In the Confessional
(Preview)
An elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts of Rimini, Italy, went to the local church for confession. When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional, the man said: "Father, during World War II, a beautiful Jewish woman from our neighborhood knocked urgently on my door and asked me to h...
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fwdoz
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0
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820
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David Thorne: The Lamp
(Preview)
This is something different; David Thorne uses sarcasm in his humour. You will either like it or you wont. If most you want more David Thorne, I will make him a weekly thing, if not, he will drop off into the abyss. Here is an example: David's neighbour has a bright lamp. From: Justin Flecker Date: Sunda...
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fwdoz
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8
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1345
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A short one
(Preview)
I hate perforated lines...........they're tearable.
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Peterpan
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1
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722
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It was there.
(Preview)
A husband and wife are travelling by car from Atlanta to New York. After almost 24 hours on the road, they are too tired to continue and decide to stop for a rest. They stop at a nice hotel and get a room, but they only plan to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road. When they check out four hours late...
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Possum3
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0
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759
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