|
How high?
(Preview)
A kangaroo kept getting out of his enclosure at the zoo. Knowing that he could hop high, the zoo officials put up a five metre fence. Surprisingly, he was out the very next morning, happily jumping around the zoo. A 10-metre fence was then put up, but again, he got out. When the fence was 20 metres high, a c...
|
Possum3
|
0
|
1217
|
|
|
|
|
Large donation
(Preview)
A church is handing around the donations box. To entice more donations, the priest says: Whoever donates the most money for the church can choose three hymns at the end of the service. The box makes its way back to the Priest and he looks through it. Shocked, he pulls out a cheque: Who donated $1000?! An o...
|
Possum3
|
0
|
1226
|
|
|
|
|
Plays requests.
(Preview)
A woman on board a cruise ship is not impressed by the jazz trio in one of the restaurants. When her waiter comes around, she asks: "Will they play anything I request?" "Of course," replies the waiter. "Then tell them to go play chess," she says.
|
Possum3
|
0
|
939
|
|
|
|
|
Tell mommy
(Preview)
She is a smart kid and did as father told her to do. Hello. Hi Honey. This is daddy. Is Mommy near the phone? No daddy. She is upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul. After a short pause, daddy says: but honey, you dont have an uncle Paul. Oh yes, mommy says I do and he is upstairs with mommy in the bedroom righ...
|
Possum3
|
0
|
1169
|
|
|
|
|
Authority.
(Preview)
A DEA officer stopped at our farm yesterday, he said I need to inspect your farm for illegal growing drugs. I said Okay, but dont go in that field over there. The DEA officer verbally exploded saying, Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me! Reaching into his rear pants pocket, th...
|
Possum3
|
0
|
892
|
|
|
|
|
Mommys balloons
(Preview)
Little Johnny is taking a shower with his mother and says, "Mom, what are those things on your chest!?" Unsure of how to reply, she tells Johnny to ask his dad at breakfast tomorrow, quite certain the matter would be forgotten. Johnny didn't forget. The following morning he asked his father the same qu...
|
Paintar
|
0
|
888
|
|
|
|
|
Birth control pills
(Preview)
A doctor that had been seeing an 80-year-old woman for most of her life finally retired. At her next check-up, the new doctor told her to bring a list of all the medicines that had been prescribed for her. As the doctor was looking through these his eyes grew wide as he realized Grandm...
|
Paintar
|
0
|
783
|
|
|
|
|
Anything?
(Preview)
A beautiful woman walks into a bar. She swaggers up to a man who is sitting by himself in the corner. The man is taken aback by the fact that such a stunning woman is approaching him. She sits down next to him and whispers to the man: For $200, Ill do anything you want. The man raises his eyebrows, saying: Any...
|
Possum3
|
1
|
798
|
|
|
|
|
Bible Salesman
(Preview)
A priest wanted to sell bibles so he asked for volunteers to go door-to-door and sell them for $10 each. Peter, Paul and Louie decided to volunteer for the task. While Peter and Paul were both respected salesmen in the town, the priest had doubts about Louie because of his terrible stutter. Not wanting...
|
Possum3
|
1
|
1120
|
|
|
|
|
How old?
(Preview)
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN GUILTY OF LOOKING AT OTHERS YOUR OWN AGE AND THINKING, SURELY I CAN'T LOOK THAT OLD? WELL......YOU'LL LOVE THIS ONE!... MY NAME IS ALICE SMITH AND I WAS SITTING IN THE WAITING ROOM FOR MY FIRST APPOINTMENT WITH A NEW DENTIST. I NOTICED HIS DENTAL DIPLOMA, WHICH BORE HIS FULL NAME. SUDD...
|
Possum3
|
0
|
913
|
|
|
|
|
Female intuition....
(Preview)
|
aussie_paul
|
1
|
1273
|
|
|
|
|
Toronto.
(Preview)
An elderly couple returning from holiday cross the US/Canada border. The customs officer asks the man a question. The man's wife asks her husband what the officer said. "He wants to know if we bought anything," the man replies. The customs officer then asks the man where he is from. He answers "Toront...
|
Possum3
|
0
|
878
|
|
|
|
|
Tennis.
(Preview)
An old man wants to take up a sport, so he decides to play tennis. After a couple of weeks, his doctor asks him how hes doing. Its going well, the man says. When Im on the court and I see the ball speeding towards me, my brain immediately says, To the corner! Back hand! To the net! Smash! Go back! Thats great, h...
|
Possum3
|
0
|
879
|
|
|
|
|
The way it used to be
(Preview)
What a beautiful answer.! Comparison between two "Generations" A youngster asked his father : How did you people live before with: No access to technology No aeroplanes No internet No computers No dramas No TVs No air cons No cars No mobile phones? Dad replied : "Just...
|
Paintar
|
0
|
796
|
|
|
|
|
Washing machines
(Preview)
Since Serena Williams is getting some press, thought I might throw this one in: Serena Williams was in Sears. She was there to protest the fact that most all of the washing machines were white. So, the clerk called the store manager, who asked "What's the problem here, Ms Williams? Serena pointed at t...
|
fwdoz
|
1
|
1038
|
|
|
|
|
Train ride.
(Preview)
A young man and his boss board a train headed through the mountains. They can't find anywhere to sit except for two seats right across the aisle from a young woman and her grandmother. After a while, it is obvious the young woman and the young man are interested in each other. Soon the train passes into a t...
|
Possum3
|
0
|
945
|
|
|
|
|
The Pastors Ass
(Preview)
The Pastor's Ass The Pastor entered his donkey in a race andit won. The Pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in therace again and it won again. The local paper read:PASTOR'SASS OUT FRONT. The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the Pastor not to enter...
|
Dickodownunder
|
0
|
753
|
|
|
|
|
Stolen.
(Preview)
An elderly woman with some memory problems called emergency services to report that her car had been broken into. She was hysterical when she explained her situation to the dispatcher. Theyve stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator, she said frantically. Th...
|
Possum3
|
0
|
812
|
|
|
|
|
What is her favourite?
(Preview)
The wife shouted at me the other day: "We never talk, we live like strangers in the same house. All you do is watch your stupid rugby on TV and drink your damn beer! You show absolutely zero interest in me!" I said "That's not true honey, I know you well, I love you!" Rather unexpectedly (and regrettably fo...
|
fwdoz
|
0
|
859
|
|
|
|
|
Visit to the Doctor
(Preview)
A man goes to his doctors and, twitching his fingers and stuttering, finally manages to say "Doctor, I have a sexual performance problem. Can you help me?" "Oh, that's not a problem for us men anymore!" announces a proud physician "They just came out with this new wonder drug, Viagra, that does the tri...
|
fwdoz
|
0
|
764
|
|
|
