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Be on your guard..
(Preview)
... just had a warning from police about keys.We are being warned about 5 keys that can open 87% of cars and 99% of houses.This is not a joke.The keys you need to be on the lookout for are:Dar-keys, Pak-keys, Bi-keys, Jun-keys & Key-wi's. Aussie Paul.
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aussie_paul
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2
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961
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Health Check
(Preview)
I've been lurking for a long time on here, so I thought that I would say hi with some humour. Cheers Dave
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Davkaz
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1
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967
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Men's medical issue...
(Preview)
A wealthy hospital benefactor was being shown around the hospital.During her tour, she passed a room where a male patient was masturbating furiously."Oh my GOD!" screamed the woman. "That's disgraceful! Why is he doing that?The doctor who was leading the tour calmly explained. "I'm very sorry th...
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aussie_paul
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3
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853
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The Lunatic.
(Preview)
As a man passed with his car from in front of the mental hospital, his cars tire exploded. After that; picks up the spare tire from the car trunk, removes the exploded tire from its place. At that moment the bolts fall down from the sewer hole. The problem is great, there is no bolt to attach the spare tire....
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Possum3
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1
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705
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The Biker
(Preview)
A rookie police officer pulled a biker over for speeding and had the following exchange: Officer: May I see your driver's license? Biker: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI. Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle? Biker: It's not my bike. I stole it.... Officer: The mo...
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Possum3
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1
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1146
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A Parrot tale.
(Preview)
A cat burglar broke into a house during the night, as he started to collect some goodies and put them in his bag. He heard a voice saying - Jesus is watching you. The burglar turned his flashlight in the direction of the voice. The burglar saw a parrot which said again - Jesus is watching you. The astounded...
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Possum3
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1
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733
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Dying boyfriend..
(Preview)
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aussie_paul
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2
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890
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Organics
(Preview)
My wife asked me to buy ORGANIC vegetables from the market. I went and looked around and couldn't find any. So I grabbed an old, tired looking employee and said "These vegetables are for my wife. Have they been sprayed with any poisonous chemicals?" "The produce guy looked at me and said "No. You'll hav...
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fwdoz
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2
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786
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Three sisters
(Preview)
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Woody n Sue
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2
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761
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Prediction
(Preview)
A man went to the fortune teller and the fortune teller said while looking into the mans hand; Very soon, you will do something that will cause millions of people to die. The man was very upset and wretched when he heard these words. He decided to commit suicide in order not to harm anyone and by lying on t...
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Possum3
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0
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820
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Volvo
(Preview)
An old guy in his Volvo is driving home from work when his wife rings him on his cell phone. "Honey" she says in a worried voice "be careful. There was a bit on the news just now, some lunatic is driving the wrong way down the freeway". "It's worse than that" he replies "There are hundreds of them!"
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fwdoz
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1
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703
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Psychic
(Preview)
A frog telephoned the psychic hotline and was told "You are going to meet a beautiful young woman who will want to know everything about you". The frog said "That's great! Will I meet her at a party, or what?" "No" said the psychic "Next term... in her biology class".
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fwdoz
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1
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816
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Report Card
(Preview)
Eight-year-old Nina brought her report card home from school. Her marks were good - mostly A's and a couple of B's. However, her teacher had written across the bottom: "Nina is a smart little girl, but she has one fault. She talks too much in school. I have an idea I am going to try, which I think may break h...
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fwdoz
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1
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807
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Professor
(Preview)
Student: Sir, do you really understand anything about the subject? Professor: Surely I must. Otherwise I would not be a professor!â Student: Great, well then I would like to ask you a question. If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my mark as is and go. If you however do not know the answe...
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Possum3
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1
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686
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Poker win.
(Preview)
The man decides to play the poker game. And an amazing chance !! Hes making $ 2 millions. The man immediately phoned his wife; Honey, are you at home? Yes, honey. Get ready and get your bag ready, because Ive earned $ 2 millions in poker game. The woman is yelling with joy; Wooow !! This is great! Im getting...
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Possum3
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1
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710
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The weasel.
(Preview)
A weasel walked into a New York soda fountain. The soda jerk says "Well in all my years, I've never seen a weasel in here before - What can I get you? "POP!" goes the weasel.
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Possum3
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2
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717
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Nursery rhymes updated...
(Preview)
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aussie_paul
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0
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796
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A new York Divorce Lawyer died....
(Preview)
and arrived at the pearly gates. Saint Peter asks him:What have you done to merit entrance into Heaven?The Lawyer thought a moment, then said,A week ago, I gave a quarter to a homeless person on the street.Saint Peter asked Gabriel to check this out in the record, and after a moment Gabriel affirmed th...
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aussie_paul
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0
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649
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Retirment
(Preview)
A well respected optomitrist & eye surgeon is given a send off party by His co-workers, when He walks into the room there on the wall is a huge photo of a human eye, He looks & says, 'now Im glad I not a gynaecologist!'
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Joda
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2
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864
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Norman comes home...
(Preview)
Norman comes home utterly drunk one night. He lurches through the door and is met by his scowling wife, who is most definitely angry.Where the hell have you been all night? she demands.At this unbelievable new bar, Norman says. The Silver Night Bar. Everything there is silver. Its got huge silver doo...
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aussie_paul
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1
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819
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