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Have a Drink....
(Preview)
Two guys in their mid-twenties are sitting at a bar having a beer. One of the guyssays to his buddy, Man, you really look tired. His buddy says, Dude, I'm exhausted. My girlfriend wants sex all the time, three,four, even six times a night, every night. She wakes me up at all hours. I just don'tknow wh...
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aussie_paul
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0
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756
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A trip to Flemington
(Preview)
Two female teachers took a group of students from grades 1, 2 and 3 for a field trip to Flemington Racecourse. When it was time to take the children to the toilet it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other.The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside...
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fwdoz
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2
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626
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A bit of madness...
(Preview)
There was a power failure in a Dublin Department Store last week and three hundred people were stranded on the escalators for more than two hours. ........................................... "O'Leary, your glass is empty, will you be h...
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aussie_paul
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1
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713
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Yellow 24
(Preview)
A man goes into the doctors feeling a little ill The doctor checks him over and says, 'Sorry, I have some bad news, you have Yellow 24, a really nasty virus. It's called Yellow 24 because it turns your blood yellow and you usually only have 24 hours to live. There's no known cure so just go home and enjoy...
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Dave1952
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2
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546
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Why I am Depressed
(Preview)
Over five thousand years ago, Moses said to the children of Israel, "Pick up your shovels, mount your asses and camels, and I will lead you to the Promised Land." Nearly 75 years ago (when Welfare was introduced) William Lyon Mackenzie King said, "Lay down your shovels, sit on your asses, and light up...
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Dave1952
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1
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627
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The cow from Sicily
(Preview)
The only cow in a small town in Northern Italy stopped giving milk. So the town folk found they could buy a cow in Sicily quite cheaply. So, they brought the cow over from Sicily. It was absolutely wonderful. It produced lots of milk every day and everyone was happy.They bought a bull to mate with the co...
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aussie_paul
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0
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703
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Johnny again....
(Preview)
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aussie_paul
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0
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707
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The Inkeepers Daughter
(Preview)
For three years, the young attorney had been taking his vacations at this country inn. The previous year he'd finally managed to close the deal with the innkeeper's daughter.Looking forward to an exciting few days, he dragged his suitcase up the stairs of the inn, then stopped short. There sat his lo...
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fwdoz
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1
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534
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The Parrot
(Preview)
A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird's' mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft...
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Dave1952
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0
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520
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Show & Tell
(Preview)
The teacher asked the students to bring one electrical appliance for "Show and Tell" and the next day every kid had something.The teacher asks Wendy "What did you bring?" "I brought a Walkman". "And what is it for?" "You can listen to music with it!" "That's nice Wendy"."What did you bring Kenny?" "I b...
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fwdoz
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0
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570
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Two drunks
(Preview)
Two drunks are in a tavern sitting at the bar, staring into their drinks. One gets a curious look on his face and asks "Hey, John, you ever seen an ice cube with a hole in it before?" "Yep. I been married to one for fifteen years!"
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fwdoz
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0
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487
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60y.o. millionaire
(Preview)
A 60-year-old millionaire is getting married and throws a big wedding reception. His friends are quite jealous and in a quiet moment one of them asks him how he landed such a hot 23-year-old beauty. "Simple" grins the millionaire "I faked my age". His friends are really amazed and ask him how much he sa...
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fwdoz
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0
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535
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Guardian Angel
(Preview)
A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice. "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you". The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished. He went on, and after a while he was going to cross the road. Once again the vo...
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fwdoz
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0
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434
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Blonde again.
(Preview)
A blonde teacher was going on a school trip with her third graders. After she and the class had been waiting on the station for almost three hours, it became too much for her. She walked up to the staff and said: I dont care what you say anymore, were getting on the next train even if it only has first and seco...
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Possum3
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0
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513
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Double up.
(Preview)
I ended up with an older woman at a club last night - she looked OK for a 57year old. We drank a bit and she stated to get real friendly, she asked if I had ever had a "Sportsman Double". "What's that?" I asked. "It's a mother and Daughter threesome" she replied. We drank a bit more, then she replied that ton...
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Possum3
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0
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559
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Oldie but a goodie..
(Preview)
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aussie_paul
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0
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626
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Windy
(Preview)
An older lady was standing at the railings of a cruise ship, admiring the view. But the wind was strong and she had to hold on to her hat so that it would not blow off in the wind. A gentleman approached her and said: "Pardon me, Madam. I do not intend to be forward, but did you know that your dress is blowing up...
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Possum3
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0
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620
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Insuring a tent.
(Preview)
Insurance company's are reminding campers that if their tent is stolen in the night they are not Covered.
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Steve794
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0
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561
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The Night Nurse
(Preview)
A very tired nurse walks into a bank, worn out after a tough shift. Preparing to write a cheque, she pulls a rectal thermometer out of her purse and tries to write with it. When she realizes her mistake, she looks at the flabbergasted teller, and without missing a beat, she says: "Well, that's grea...
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aussie_paul
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0
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749
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Making Sense.
(Preview)
A Tennessee couple Dave and Edwina Kosmitus, both Bona Fide rednecks, had nine children. They went to see their Doctor to get Dave "Fixed". The Doctor asked them why had the come to the conclusion that they didn't want any more children. Dave said that they had read a recent article in the newspaper tha...
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Possum3
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1
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761
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