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The Guitarist
(Preview)
As a guitarist, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper's cemetery in the countryside. As I was not familiar with that area in the middle of nowhere, I got lost.I finally ar...
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fwdoz
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2
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1016
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Elderly couple watching TV
(Preview)
An elderly couple were at home watching TV. Phil had the remote and was switching back and forth between a fishing channel and the porn channel. Sally became more and more annoyed and finally said "For God's sake, Phil... leave it on the porn channel... you know how to fish!"
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fwdoz
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2
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879
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Pull Buddy pull!
(Preview)
A guy drives into a ditch, but luckily, a farmer is there to help. He hitches his horse, Buddy, up to the car and yells "Pull, Nellie, pull!" Buddy doesn't move. "Pull, Buster, pull!" Buddy doesn't budge. "Pull, Coco, pull!" Nothing. Then the farmer says "Pull, Buddy, pull!" And the horse drags the car...
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fwdoz
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3
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766
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Speeding Police car
(Preview)
Two police officers crash their car into a tree. After a moment of silence, one of them says "Wow, that's got to be the fastest we ever got to the scene of an accident".
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fwdoz
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1
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797
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Dinner at the White House
(Preview)
This is an extract from Hillary Clinton's autobiography 'The Truth Will Always Prevail '. To be released soon..."Some years ago, nearing dinner time at the White House, our regular cook fell ill and they had to get a replacement on short notice. He wasn't the smartest looking guy, in fact he seemed a b...
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fwdoz
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2
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710
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Be aware of dating sites !!
(Preview)
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Aus-Kiwi
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1
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898
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Human Trafficker
(Preview)
A stewardess goes to the flight deck and says "Captain, I believe we have a human trafficker on board. There is a pretty, younger lady back there next to this ugly, horrible, fat, old, slobbering sexual deviant!". The captain says "You're new here, aren't you? This is Air Force One".
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fwdoz
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0
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696
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Cheap meat
(Preview)
The best and cheapest meat is deer balls You can get them from under a buck.
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Steve794
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11
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1034
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Checking under the bed?
(Preview)
I question the practice of checking under the bed for prowlers etc prior to going to bed - What are you going to do if you find one?
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Possum3
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1
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873
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Gardening With Grandma...
(Preview)
A teenage granddaughter comes downstairs for her date with a see-through blouse on and no bra.Her grandmother has a fit, telling her not to dare go out like that!The teenager tells her 'Loosen up Grams. These are modern times. You gotta let your rose buds show!' And out she goes..The next day the tee...
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aussie_paul
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0
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653
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Sailor.
(Preview)
There was once a famous sea captain, who was renowned the world over for his success at guiding merchant ships through difficult waters. He was admired by his crew and fellow captains, but there was one thing that puzzled people about him. Every morning he carried out the same strange ritual. He would...
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Possum3
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0
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903
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Life's Unanswered Questions - Long but good
(Preview)
How does a shepherd count his flock without falling asleep? Are there female leprechauns? Do judges and lawyers do jury duty? Do fish sleep? Would it be possible for a solar car to travel faster then the speed of light? Why do all the days of the week end in "y"? Isn't it scary that the word "therapist" is...
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Dave1952
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3
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1017
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Just one Question
(Preview)
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Dave1952
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3
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825
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Engineering Flowchart
(Preview)
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Dave1952
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2
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767
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100 year old twins
(Preview)
Twin sisters in a nursing home were turning 100 years old.The editor of the local newspaper told a photographer to get over there and take pictures of the two 100-year-old twins.One of the twins was hard of hearing and the other could hear quite well.Once the photographer arrived he asked the sisters...
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fwdoz
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2
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727
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More dad jokes
(Preview)
Dogs cant operate MRI machines. But catscan. I went to play with my boomerang, but forgot how to use it. Then it came back to me. A monk paid $20 for a hotdog. When he asked the vendor where his change was, the vendor replied "Change comes from within" Why do crabs never give to charity? Because they are she...
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fwdoz
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1
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615
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But wait theres more
(Preview)
A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, Ill serve you, but dont start anything. I went to a seafood disco last week and pulled a mussel. I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems. Without geometry life is pointless. A termite walks into a bar and asks Is the b...
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fwdoz
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1
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753
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Irish Sawmill Accident
(Preview)
Paddy and Mick are two Irishmen working at the local sawmill. One day, Mick slips and his arm gets caught and severed by the big bench saw. Paddy quickly puts the limb in a plastic bag and rushes it and Mick to the local hospital. Next day, Paddy goes to the hospital and asks after Mick. The nurse says, "Oh...
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Dave1952
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1
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791
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Turnbull and the Engineer
(Preview)
Whether you like him or not...it is funny!Turnbull was in a hot air balloon and realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a man below so he descended a bit more and shouted: 'Excuse me, can you help me? I promised Bill Shorten I would meet him an hour ago but I don't know where I am.' The man b...
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Dave1952
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0
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769
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And still they come
(Preview)
Crime in multi-storey car parks. That is wrong on so many different levels My Dad told me to invest my money in bonds. So I bought 100 copies of Goldfinger People who use selfie sticks really need to have a good, long look at themselves After the helicopter crash, the blonde pilot was asked what happene...
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fwdoz
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0
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643
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