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Biter bit
(Preview)
When you swim near a rock and an eel bites your C--k that's a Moray. (Apologies to Dean Martin)
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Magnarc
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1
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732
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|
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Old Age.
(Preview)
Three sisters aged 82, 84 and 86 live in a house together. One night the 86-year-old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She yells down the stairs, was I getting in or out of the bath?. The 84-year-old yells back, I dont know. Ill come up and see. She starts up the stairs and pauses. Then she yells,...
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Possum3
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1
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876
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Baby discrimination.
(Preview)
I know you have been lying awake all night, wondering why Baby Nappies have names like LUVs, Cuddles & Huggs. Yet undergarments for old people are called Depends. Well here is the low down on the whole thing: When babies crap in their pants, people are still going to LUV them, Cuddle them and Hugg...
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Possum3
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0
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784
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Australian Letter of the Year
(Preview)
Please excuse the language but this is well worth reading Australian Letter of the Year.... This is an actual letter sent to the DFAT (Department of Foreign Affairs and Trade) Immigration Minister. The Commonwealth Government tried desperately to censure the author, but g...
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Dave1952
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3
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881
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Harpoon Harry’s
(Preview)
A 79-year-old man is having a drink in Harpoon Harrys. Suddenly a gorgeous girl enters and sits down a few seats away. The girl is so attractive that he just can't take his eyes off her. After a short while, the girl notices him staring, and approaches him. Before the man has time to apologize, the gi...
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Paintar
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1
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785
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Irish Divorce
(Preview)
Irish Divorce = Simple Explanation The mother-in-law arrives home from shopping to find her son-in-law, Paddy, in a steaming rage and hurriedly packing his suitcase. "What happened Paddy?" she asks anxiously. "What happened? I'll tell you what happened! I sent an email to my wife telling her I was...
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Paintar
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0
|
980
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Tanjoberrymutts
(Preview)
A copy of a conversation between an English speaking traveller and the staff of a Hotel in China.Room Service: "Morrin. Roon sirbees."Guest: "Sorry, I thought I dialled room-service."Room Service: "Rye, Roon sirbees... morrin! Joowish to oddor sunteen?"Guest: "Uh... Yes, I'd like to order ba...
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Dave1952
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5
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1077
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Another Lawyer Joke
(Preview)
Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?A: A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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DMaxer
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1
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750
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The Truth about Roadsigns
(Preview)
|
Dave1952
|
0
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818
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|
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What a tragedy is
(Preview)
Malcolm Turnbull was visiting a Sydney primary school and the class was in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings.The teacher asked Mr Turnbull if he would like to lead the discussion on the word 'Tragedy'. So our illustrious leader asked the class for an example of a 'Tragedy'...
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Dave1952
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0
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610
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Mommy Dearest
(Preview)
Three proud mothers are sitting around a table playing bridge and bragging about their sons. My Freddie, says Margaret, Everyone should be so lucky to have a son like my Freddie. Once a week he brings me a huge bouquet of flowers, hes constantly bringing me out to restaurants to eat, if I so much as hint t...
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Possum3
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0
|
734
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|
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Have a Drink....
(Preview)
Two guys in their mid-twenties are sitting at a bar having a beer. One of the guyssays to his buddy, Man, you really look tired. His buddy says, Dude, I'm exhausted. My girlfriend wants sex all the time, three,four, even six times a night, every night. She wakes me up at all hours. I just don'tknow wh...
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aussie_paul
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0
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775
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|
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A trip to Flemington
(Preview)
Two female teachers took a group of students from grades 1, 2 and 3 for a field trip to Flemington Racecourse. When it was time to take the children to the toilet it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other.The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside...
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fwdoz
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2
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654
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A bit of madness...
(Preview)
There was a power failure in a Dublin Department Store last week and three hundred people were stranded on the escalators for more than two hours. ........................................... "O'Leary, your glass is empty, will you be h...
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aussie_paul
|
1
|
738
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|
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Yellow 24
(Preview)
A man goes into the doctors feeling a little ill The doctor checks him over and says, 'Sorry, I have some bad news, you have Yellow 24, a really nasty virus. It's called Yellow 24 because it turns your blood yellow and you usually only have 24 hours to live. There's no known cure so just go home and enjoy...
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Dave1952
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2
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566
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|
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Why I am Depressed
(Preview)
Over five thousand years ago, Moses said to the children of Israel, "Pick up your shovels, mount your asses and camels, and I will lead you to the Promised Land." Nearly 75 years ago (when Welfare was introduced) William Lyon Mackenzie King said, "Lay down your shovels, sit on your asses, and light up...
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Dave1952
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1
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646
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|
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The cow from Sicily
(Preview)
The only cow in a small town in Northern Italy stopped giving milk. So the town folk found they could buy a cow in Sicily quite cheaply. So, they brought the cow over from Sicily. It was absolutely wonderful. It produced lots of milk every day and everyone was happy.They bought a bull to mate with the co...
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aussie_paul
|
0
|
728
|
|
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Johnny again....
(Preview)
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aussie_paul
|
0
|
727
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|
|
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The Inkeepers Daughter
(Preview)
For three years, the young attorney had been taking his vacations at this country inn. The previous year he'd finally managed to close the deal with the innkeeper's daughter.Looking forward to an exciting few days, he dragged his suitcase up the stairs of the inn, then stopped short. There sat his lo...
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fwdoz
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1
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557
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|
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The Parrot
(Preview)
A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird's' mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft...
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Dave1952
|
0
|
542
|
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