|
Drunk and the Priests
(Preview)
A drunk staggers out of a bar and runs into two priests. He looks at the first priest and says, Hey, Im Jesus Christ! The priest replies, No son, youre not. So the drunk goes over to the second priest and says, Hey, Im Jesus Christ! To which the second priest replies, No son, youre not. Finally, the drunk ha...
|
Possum3
|
0
|
752
|
|
|
|
|
Out of the mouth of......
(Preview)
A group of school kids went on an excursion to the police station. The police officer pointed to the 10 Most Wanted list and told them that these were the most wanted criminals in the whole country. One student pointed to the photo of the man at the top of the list and said, He is the most wanted man in the ent...
|
Possum3
|
0
|
826
|
|
|
|
|
ATM machine
(Preview)
A man was standing behind an older couple at the ATM. He could see the man struggling with the buttons so he turned around and said something to his wife. All of a sudden the wife pushed the husband over. Shocked, the man rushed forward. What did you do that for? He asked the wife while helping the man up. Th...
|
Possum3
|
0
|
849
|
|
|
|
|
Delayed flight.
(Preview)
A plane was moving down the tarmac before it stopped abruptly, turned around and returned to the gate. After a two hour delay, it finally took off. "What was the problem?" a worried passenger asked the flight attendant. "The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," the flight attendant re...
|
Possum3
|
0
|
927
|
|
|
|
|
Art Collectors Wife
(Preview)
A New York attorney representing a wealthy art collector called his client."I have some good news, and I have some bad news."The art collector replied,"I've had an awful day. Give me the good news first."The lawyer said, "Well, I met with your wife today, and she informed me that she just invested $5,...
|
LLD
|
1
|
786
|
|
|
|
|
I'd heard about it.
(Preview)
Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they discuss their illegal moonshine operation. Suddenly a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a couple of minutes, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks a...
|
Possum3
|
1
|
938
|
|
|
|
|
UK vs USA.
(Preview)
An American visiting England asked the concierge where the elevator was in his hotel. The concierge looked a bit confused, but smiled when he realised what the man wanted. "You must mean the lift," he said. "No," the American responded. "If I ask for the elevator, I mean the elevator." "Well, over her...
|
Possum3
|
0
|
803
|
|
|
|
|
Actually happened.
(Preview)
A thief was on trial for stealing a womans purse. The woman walked into the court room and immediately began pointing angrily at the thief. Thats him! She yelled, Thats him! Thats the man that stole my purse! I saw him clear as day. I would remember that face anywhere. The thief rolled his eyes at the wo...
|
Possum3
|
1
|
813
|
|
|
|
|
I wish.
(Preview)
An older couple were walking on a beach when the husband tripped over a bottle and a genie came out. You can each have one wish, the genie said. The wife made her wish first: I would like to travel around the world, with my husband." Suddenly two tickets for travel around the world appeared in her hand . Nex...
|
Possum3
|
1
|
859
|
|
|
|
|
The Leprechaun
(Preview)
A golfer in Ireland hooks his drive into the woods.. Searching for hisball, he finds a little Leprechaun lying flat on his back, a bump onhis head and golf ball beside him.Horrified, the golfer gets his water bottle from the cart and pours it over the little guy, reviving him.'Arrgh! What happened...
|
Paintar
|
1
|
775
|
|
|
|
|
Gear Box
(Preview)
Two Australian rednecks were out hunting, and as they were walkingalong, they came upon a huge hole in the ground. They approached itand were amazed at its size.The first hunter said, "Wow, that's some hole. I can't even see thebottom. I wonder how deep it is."The second hunter said, "I don't know...
|
Paintar
|
3
|
932
|
|
|
|
|
And you thought you'd out smarted them
(Preview)
Authorities found a Nigerian man dead in his apartment surrounded by more than $17billon US in cash. Seems he'd been trying to give it away for yrs but no one would reply to his emails T1 Terry
|
T1 Terry
|
2
|
950
|
|
|
|
|
Half price fare.
(Preview)
An airline introduced a half-price fare for women accompanying their husbands on business trips. Expecting valuable testimonials, the airline wrote to all of the wives whod used the special rate, asking them if they enjoyed their trip. Letters are still pouring in asking, What trip?
|
Possum3
|
2
|
918
|
|
|
|
|
Short story.
(Preview)
Man driving up windy country road. Woman driving down windy country road. As cars pass each other woman yells out window; "PIG!" Man retorts "BITCH!" Man rounds next curve and the man crashes into a huge pig in the middle of the road, and dies. Thought for the day; IF MEN WOULD JUST LISTEN.
|
Possum3
|
1
|
856
|
|
|
|
|
Seagulls.
(Preview)
An old man at the end of a jetty was selling seagulls $2.50 for one, or three for five bucks. A curious tourist approached him and said, Ill take one, please, before handing over his money. The old man pocketed the money, pointed up to the sky and said: See that one there? Thats your one.
|
Possum3
|
1
|
759
|
|
|
|
|
Adam & Eve
(Preview)
Adam and Eve said "Lord, when we were in the garden, you walked with us every day. Now we do not see you anymore. We are lonesome here, and it is difficult for us to remember how much you love us".And God said "I will create a companion for you that will be with you and who will be a reflection of my love for you,...
|
fwdoz
|
1
|
811
|
|
|
|
|
Jesus & the pub meal
(Preview)
Englishman, African and an Aussie sitting in a restaurant, waiting for their food. They're looking around the place and spot a man sitting by himself drinking water in the corner. After a few minutes they recognise him as Jesus Christ himself. They agree that he's a great bloke and all chip in to buy Je...
|
fwdoz
|
1
|
711
|
|
|
|
|
Nude Beach
(Preview)
A mother and father took their 6-year-old son to a nude beach. As the boy walked along the beach, he noticed that some of the ladies had b**bs bigger than his mother's, and asked her why. She told her son "The bigger they are the dumber the person is".The boy pleased with the answer, goes to play in the ocea...
|
fwdoz
|
1
|
1231
|
|
|
|
|
Two young boys
(Preview)
Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter.The pharmacist at the counter asked the older boy, 'Son, how old are you?' 'Eight', the boy replied. The man continued, 'Do you know what these are used for?' The boy replied, 'Not exactly,...
|
aussie_paul
|
2
|
816
|
|
|
|
|
Apologies to my Yank mates.
(Preview)
A Texan visitor to England asked an Englishman to show him the biggest building in town.There it is, said the Englishman. Its quite impressive, I must admit.You call that big? scoffed the Texan. Back in Texas we have buildings just like that but over a hundred times bigger!Im not surprised, said the E...
|
aussie_paul
|
2
|
1153
|
|
|
