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The cinema
(Preview)
A man lays sprawled across three entire seats at a theatre. Before the show has even starts, an usher walks by and notices the man. "Sir, you're only allowed one seat, can you please sit up?" The man groans but remains sprawled. The Usher becomes impatient with the man "Sir! If you don't get up, I will n...
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fwdoz
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1
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840
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The trip to Afghanistan
(Preview)
My wife and I decided to go on an organised trip to Afghanistan, to see for ourselves what the place was like.It didn't start well as the train we were travelling on broke down just a few miles south of the station. We found ourselves stranded in a scary hell hole where no one around us spoke any English.Th...
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fwdoz
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1
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630
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A couple of women...
(Preview)
A couple of women were playing golf one sunny Saturday morning...The first of the twosome teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a pair of men playing the next hole.Indeed, the ball hit one of the men, and he immediately clasped his hands together at his crotch, fell to the gro...
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aussie_paul
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0
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805
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Under the covers
(Preview)
A husband comes home from the night shift to find his wife snuggled up in bed with the sheets pulled up right over her whole head, obviously not wanting to be disturbed.Not to be denied, he slips in under the sheet anyway and begins making love to her. He gets out of bed again to go downstairs and get someth...
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fwdoz
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0
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711
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Homeless man
(Preview)
I talked to a homeless man this morning and asked him how he ended up this way. He said "Up until last week, I still had it all. I had plenty to eat, my clothes were washed and pressed, I had a roof over my head, I had TV and Internet, and I went to the gym, the pool, and the library. I was working on my MBA on-line....
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fwdoz
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0
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608
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Sandy Beach
(Preview)
Tonight I dreamt of a beautiful walk on a sandy beach. At least that explains the footprints I found in the cat litter box this morning.
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fwdoz
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0
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630
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Naughty boys!
(Preview)
From the depths of the crypt at St Giles, Came a scream that resounded for miles, Said the Deacon, 'Good gracious, has Father Ignatius forgotten the Bishop has piles?' Anon.
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Magnarc
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0
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575
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Bacon!
(Preview)
Found this one on another forum, a little evil but .. As much as Pooh missed Piglet he really did enjoy that bacon sandwich
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Cadpete
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0
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607
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Dining etiquette
(Preview)
An Australian, and Englishman and an American are on a cruise with their wives. Sitting at breakfast the first morning, the Englishman sets our to impress his neighbours with his affection for his wife. He says, "Would you please pass the honey, Honey?" With this the American chimes in, "Can you pass...
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Dave1952
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1
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657
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Johnny and the frogs
(Preview)
Young Johnny is at school and he has to give a talk on what he did over the weekend. He gets up before the class and proceeds to tell the entire class how he and his best mate, Freddy, spent the weekend catching frogs, shoving crackers up their arses and lighting them. At this point the Teacher, a sweet, dem...
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Dave1952
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1
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592
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Property sizes
(Preview)
Three tourists, an Englishman, an American from Texas, and an Aussie are on board ship on a cruise. They are all seated at the same table in the dining room on the first night at sea. To open the conversation, after introductions, the Englishman stated, "Back home in the U.K., I have an estate so large,...
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Dave1952
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0
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552
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Infants and infancy
(Preview)
Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
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Dave1952
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0
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611
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If I have to go .....
(Preview)
A couple were being given a guided tour of Pico da Bandeira, one of the highest mountains in Brazil. Their guide pointed out where a young couple, petrified by lava, had been discovered. They had died in the act of making love. "How awful," exclaimed the wife. "But what a great way to spend eternity," a...
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Possum3
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0
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598
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Oil Shortage
(Preview)
Not sure if this has already been posted A lot of folks can't understand how we came to have an oil shortage here in Australia.Well, there's a very simple answer. Nobody bothered to check the oil. We just didn't know we were getting low. The reason for that is purely geographical. Our OIL is located in Ba...
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Tony Bev
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3
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734
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It's cold.
(Preview)
A priest and a nun are driving back from a religious festival at night when their car breaks down on a dark road. With no garage in sight and the lights of a small hotel in the near distance, they decide to stay in the hotel and look for a mechanic to fix their car in the morning. But when they get to reception,...
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Possum3
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1
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818
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Positive Outlooks..
(Preview)
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aussie_paul
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2
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710
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Dr advice.
(Preview)
I just had a physical and the Doctor said "Don't eat anything fatty". I said "What! Like bacon or hamburgers?" He said "No Fatty don't eat anything"
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Possum3
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2
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730
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Mum and daughter.
(Preview)
I ended up with an older woman last night. She looked pretty good for a 60-year-old. InFact she wasn't too bad at all, and I foundmyself think that she probably had a reallyhot daughter.We drank a bit (well, more than a bit) we hada snuggle, and she asked me if I had everhad a "Sportsman's Double?"."Wha...
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rgren2
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0
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684
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Lost wife
(Preview)
A man was wondering through a large supermarket when he approached the very beautiful woman. Excuse me, Ive lost my wife here in the supermarket, he said. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes? Why? the woman asked. He replied: Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman my wife appears out of nowh...
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Possum3
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0
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659
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Loose Girl
(Preview)
Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl. The priest asks, Is that you, little Joey Pagano? Yes, Father, it is. And who was the girl you were with? I cant tell you, Father. I dont want to ruin her reputation. Well, Joey, Im sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tel...
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Paintar
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0
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640
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