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Doctor.
(Preview)
Well, Im afraid to say I have some bad news and some very bad news, a doctor tells his patient. Okay, the man replies. Well you may as well give me the bad news first. So the doctor tells him: The lab called with your test results. They said you have 24 hours to live. 24 hours?! he replies. That's terrible! Wh...
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Possum3
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1
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770
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Little Boy goes to confession....
(Preview)
"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl."The priest asks, "Is that you, little Joey Pagano?""Yes, Father, it is.""And who was the girl you were with?" "I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation." "Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so y...
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kiwijims
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0
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617
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I’ve been a hooker
(Preview)
Tom and Nancy met while on a singles cruise and Tom fell head over heels for her. When they discovered they lived in the same city only a few miles apart Tom was ecstatic.He immediately started asking her out when they got home. Within a couple of weeks, Tom had taken Nancy to dance clubs, restaur...
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Paintar
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1
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747
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Lisp...
(Preview)
Little girl goes to a pet shop and asks "Excuthe me do you have any widdle wabbits?"The shop keeper's heart melts.He gets down on his knees so that he is on her level and says, "Do you want a widdle white wabbit or a thoft, fluffy, bwack wabbit, or one like that widdle bwown one over there..?"The little gi...
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aussie_paul
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1
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749
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A dog lover.....
(Preview)
A dog lover, whose female dog came "in heat," was concerned about keeping it and her male separated. But she had a large house and she believed that she could keep the two dogs apart.However, as she was drifting off to sleep, she heard awful howling and moaning sounds. She rushed downstairs and found...
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aussie_paul
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2
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807
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My RV is bigger than yours
(Preview)
Perhaps you might like to try this the next time you run into travelers like these.
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Cupie
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3
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681
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Hope you get better.
(Preview)
A retired man who volunteers to entertain patients went to a hospital in Brooklyn and took his portable keyboard along. He told some jokes and sang some funny songs at patients bedsides. When he finished he said, in farewell, I hope you get better. One elderly gentleman replied, I hope you get better,...
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Possum3
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1
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813
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Headache
(Preview)
Woman comes home and tells her husband, "Remember those headaches I've been having all these years? Well, they're gone." "No more headaches?" The husband ...asks, "What happened?" His wife replies, "Margie referred me to a hypnotist. He told me to stand in front of a mirror, stare at myself and repe...
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Possum3
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1
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662
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Two Glasgow boys, Archie and Jock,
(Preview)
Two Glasgow boys, Archie and Jock, are sitting in the pub discussing Jocks forthcoming wedding. Aye, its all going like magic, says Jock. I've got everything organised already: the flowers, the church, the cars, the reception, the rings, the minister, even ma stag night Archie nods a...
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aussie_paul
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1
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652
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Inheriting the ranch
(Preview)
Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull from the stockyard in a far town so that they can breed their own stock. They onl...
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fwdoz
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1
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588
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The cinema
(Preview)
A man lays sprawled across three entire seats at a theatre. Before the show has even starts, an usher walks by and notices the man. "Sir, you're only allowed one seat, can you please sit up?" The man groans but remains sprawled. The Usher becomes impatient with the man "Sir! If you don't get up, I will n...
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fwdoz
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1
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863
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The trip to Afghanistan
(Preview)
My wife and I decided to go on an organised trip to Afghanistan, to see for ourselves what the place was like.It didn't start well as the train we were travelling on broke down just a few miles south of the station. We found ourselves stranded in a scary hell hole where no one around us spoke any English.Th...
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fwdoz
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1
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664
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A couple of women...
(Preview)
A couple of women were playing golf one sunny Saturday morning...The first of the twosome teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a pair of men playing the next hole.Indeed, the ball hit one of the men, and he immediately clasped his hands together at his crotch, fell to the gro...
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aussie_paul
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0
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824
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Under the covers
(Preview)
A husband comes home from the night shift to find his wife snuggled up in bed with the sheets pulled up right over her whole head, obviously not wanting to be disturbed.Not to be denied, he slips in under the sheet anyway and begins making love to her. He gets out of bed again to go downstairs and get someth...
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fwdoz
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0
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750
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Homeless man
(Preview)
I talked to a homeless man this morning and asked him how he ended up this way. He said "Up until last week, I still had it all. I had plenty to eat, my clothes were washed and pressed, I had a roof over my head, I had TV and Internet, and I went to the gym, the pool, and the library. I was working on my MBA on-line....
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fwdoz
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0
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635
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Sandy Beach
(Preview)
Tonight I dreamt of a beautiful walk on a sandy beach. At least that explains the footprints I found in the cat litter box this morning.
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fwdoz
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0
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652
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Naughty boys!
(Preview)
From the depths of the crypt at St Giles, Came a scream that resounded for miles, Said the Deacon, 'Good gracious, has Father Ignatius forgotten the Bishop has piles?' Anon.
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Magnarc
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0
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597
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Bacon!
(Preview)
Found this one on another forum, a little evil but .. As much as Pooh missed Piglet he really did enjoy that bacon sandwich
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Cadpete
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0
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632
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Dining etiquette
(Preview)
An Australian, and Englishman and an American are on a cruise with their wives. Sitting at breakfast the first morning, the Englishman sets our to impress his neighbours with his affection for his wife. He says, "Would you please pass the honey, Honey?" With this the American chimes in, "Can you pass...
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Dave1952
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1
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689
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Johnny and the frogs
(Preview)
Young Johnny is at school and he has to give a talk on what he did over the weekend. He gets up before the class and proceeds to tell the entire class how he and his best mate, Freddy, spent the weekend catching frogs, shoving crackers up their arses and lighting them. At this point the Teacher, a sweet, dem...
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Dave1952
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1
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609
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