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The General went out to find that none of his G.I.s were there....
(Preview)
The General went out to find that none of his G.I.s were there. One finally ran up, panting heavily.Sorry, sir! I can explain, you see I had a date and it ran a little late. I ran to the bus but missed it, I hailed a cab but it broke down, found a farm, bought a horse but it dropped dead, ran 10 miles, and now Im he...
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aussie_paul
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0
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981
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My Mother wanted me to be a.......
(Preview)
My Mother wanted me to be a priest. Can you imagine giving up your sex life; and then once a week people come in to tell you the details and highlights of theirs? Aussie Paul.
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aussie_paul
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0
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816
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Dumb Kid?
(Preview)
A business man is chatting with a hairdresser while shaving in a barbershop. At that time they see a child passing by the front of the door. The barber says, This kid is the most stupid child in the world. Let me show you; Jack, come here! Then the boy greets the barber with a silly grin. The barber gets a $ 1...
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Possum3
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0
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753
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Blonde.
(Preview)
The blonde is washing her cat. Her neighbor screams: What are you doing? You are gonna kill the cat! But the blonde ignores her neighbor. The next day, the blonde is very sad and her neighbor asks why. The blonde says My cat is dead. Her neighbor, Didnt I tell you not to wash it. The blonde, It didnt die wash...
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Possum3
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0
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791
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Mother in Law
(Preview)
A mother-in-law has three sons-in-law. One day, they go on holiday together. The M.i.L jumps to the sea thinking which of my S.i.L loves me the most and pretends like she is drowning. Im drowning, please rescue me, my eldest S.i.L! and he saved her. Next day, the he gets a Ford Focus with a note on it: My...
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Possum3
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0
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858
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Another parrot.
(Preview)
George is telling his friend the skills of his new parrot. My parrot is so intelligent. He speaks English if you pull his right foot and German if you pull his left foot. His friend asks George mockingly; What if I pull his both feet? George is speechless. At that moment, the parrot speaks; I would fall th...
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Possum3
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0
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755
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Good medical advice
(Preview)
-- Edited by Woody n Sue on Sunday 8th of April 2018 06:28:08 PM
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Woody n Sue
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8
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1304
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Returning home a day early......
(Preview)
Returning home a day early from an out-of-town business trip, a man caught a taxi from the airport shortly after midnight. On the cab journey, he confided to the driver that he thought his wife was having an affair. As they pulled up outside his house, the businessman asked the driver: Would you come in...
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aussie_paul
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0
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803
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Vegetable
(Preview)
Senior couple watching TV as hubby sipped on his beveridge . He says "I never want to become a vegetable, dependent on a machine and fluids from a bottle to keep me alive!"
SO She got up, pulled the TV power lead out of the socket and threw out his bottle of beer.
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STRETCH ARMSTRONG
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2
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1127
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Who’s opinion
(Preview)
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Woody n Sue
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1
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1002
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Were’s Wally
(Preview)
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Woody n Sue
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3
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800
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One morning....
(Preview)
One morning while making breakfast, a man walked up to his wife and pinched her on the butt and said, If you firmed this up, we could get rid of your control top pantyhose.While this was on the edge of intolerable, she kept silent. The next morning, the man woke his wife with a pinch on each of her breasts a...
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aussie_paul
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1
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874
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After spending time with Eve....
(Preview)
After spending time with Eve, Adam was walking in the Garden with God. Adam told God how much the woman means to him and how blessed he feels to have her. Adam began to ask questions about her. Adam: Lord, Eve is beautiful. Why did you make her so beautiful? God: So you will always want to look at her. Ada...
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aussie_paul
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1
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1003
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New Parrot.
(Preview)
A trucker's wife saw three parrots for sale, $170, $160, $10. She asked the store owner why the third parrot was so cheap. He told her is was marked down as it had lived in a whorehouse. The woman just laughed. She bought the $10 parrot and took it home. When the woman's two daughters came home to parrot sai...
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Possum3
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0
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826
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8 Children
(Preview)
A proud mother telephoned a Sunday newspaper to announce she had given birth to eight children. The line was bad, and the operator didn't hear the message. "Would you repeat that?" the operator asked. "Not if I can help it" said the mother.
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fwdoz
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1
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906
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Stay of Execution
(Preview)
A lawyer arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay of execution for a client who was due to be hanged for murder at midnight. His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed.As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife star...
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fwdoz
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1
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811
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Is immediately soon enough?
(Preview)
Going to bed the other night I noticed there were a couple of young guys stealing stuff from my shed. I immediately rang "000" and was told there were no Police available right now, but they would come when some came back from jobs they were currently attending to. I hung up, about a minute later I rang the...
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Possum3
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1
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846
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Irish Flight
(Preview)
Shortly after take-off on an outbound evening Air Lingus flight from Dublin to Boston, the lead flight attendant nervously made the following painful announcement in her lovely Irish brogue: "Ladies and gentlemen, I'm so very sorry, but it appears that there has been a terrible mix-up by our cater...
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fwdoz
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1
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817
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Honda
(Preview)
A guy says "Doc, you gotta help me. Every time I fart, it sounds like 'Honda'". The doctor says "You say, 'Honda?'" "No" the guy says. "My farts do". So, the doctor says "Okay, open your mouth" and looks inside. After about two minutes, the doctor says "I'm sorry, I can't help you, you need to go see a denti...
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fwdoz
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0
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998
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Concert ?
(Preview)
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Aus-Kiwi
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1
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867
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