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Profane Polly
(Preview)
A man goes to a pet store in order to buy himself an exotic bird. He tells the clerk, You know I've had a number of pet birds in my life and now I'm looking for something really special. Have anything I might like? Yes sir, I do. I have a South American parrot rumored to have a vocabulary of over 400 words. H...
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Possum3
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0
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856
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Important things in life
(Preview)
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Woody n Sue
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0
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777
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pots being blackened
(Preview)
got it-attached -- Edited by Craig1 on Monday 19th of February 2018 04:23:47 PM -- Edited by Craig1 on Tuesday 20th of February 2018 03:49:36 PM -- Edited by Craig1 on Tuesday 20th of February 2018 03:50:44 PM
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Craig1
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0
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817
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So is this why the chicken crossed the road
(Preview)
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Woody n Sue
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0
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940
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In the outdoors
(Preview)
During a physical examination, a doctor asked a retired woman about her physical activity level. The woman said she spent 3 days a week, every week in the outdoors. "Well, yesterday afternoon was typical - I took a five-hour walk about seven miles through some pretty rough terrain. I waded along the e...
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fwdoz
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2
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1144
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Business trip.
(Preview)
A young Technician Phillip and his General Manager Seth board a train headed through the mountains on its way to Kansas. They can find no place to sit except for two seats right across the aisle from a young woman and her grandmother. After a while, it is obvious that the young woman and Phillip are inter...
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Possum3
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0
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967
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Atheist
(Preview)
An atheist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane and he turned to her and said "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger". The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger "What would you want to talk abo...
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fwdoz
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3
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913
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Antiques Roadshow
(Preview)
Paddy took 2 stuffed dogs to the Antiques Roadshow. Presenter: "Wow!! This is a very rare set, produced by the celebrated Johns Brothers taxidermists who operated in London at the turn of the last century. Do you have any idea what they would fetch if they were in good condition?" "Sticks!" says Paddy...
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fwdoz
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0
|
992
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Anniversary
(Preview)
For their anniversary, a couple went out for a romantic dinner. Their teenage daughters said they would fix a dessert and leave it waiting. When they got home, they saw that the dining room table was beautifully set with china, crystal and candles; there was a note that read: "Your dessert is in the ref...
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fwdoz
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0
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893
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Dog Tail
(Preview)
A guy was cutting the tail off his dog. His neighbour asked "What the heck are you doing?" "My mother-in-law is coming to visit and I don't want any sign of welcome" He replied.
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fwdoz
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0
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873
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The Bear
(Preview)
Bob, a hunter, went on camping trip with his wife, kids, and mother-in-law. One evening, while still deep in the forest, the Mrs awoke to find her mother gone. Rushing to her husband, she insisted on them both trying to find her mother. Bob picked up his rifle, took a swig of whiskey, and started to look f...
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fwdoz
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0
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810
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Star Wars Chinese
(Preview)
Luke and Obi-Wan are in a Chinese restaurant having a meal. Skilfully using his chopsticks, Obi-Wan deftly dishes himself a large portion of noodles into his bowl, then tops it off with some chicken and cashew nuts. All this is done with consummate ease you'd expect from a Jedi Master. Poor old Luke is...
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fwdoz
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0
|
843
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Bumper Sticker
(Preview)
The other day I went up to a Christian bookstore and saw a "honk if you love Jesus bumper sticker". I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting, so I bought the sticker and put in on my bumper. I was stopped a...
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fwdoz
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0
|
1702
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Speak
(Preview)
A lady to doctor: "My husband has a habit of talking in his sleep! What should I give him to cure it?" Doctor: "Give him an opportunity to speak when he is awake!"
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fwdoz
|
0
|
809
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|
|
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12 Children
(Preview)
A lawyer had a wife and 12 children and needed to move as his rental agreement was coming to an end for the home where he lived but was having difficulty in finding a new home. When he said he had 12 children, no one would rent a home to him because they knew that the children would destroy the home. He could no...
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fwdoz
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0
|
764
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|
|
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Alcohol Taster
(Preview)
In an alcohol factory the regular taster died and the director started looking for a new one to hire. A drunkard with a ragged, dirty look came to apply for the position. The director of the factory wondered how to send him away. They tested him. They gave him a glass with a drink. He tried it and said "It's...
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fwdoz
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0
|
734
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|
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Not another Irish joke
(Preview)
Paddy was walking along the street in Belfast, when he sees a bomb. He takes a closer look and sees it is in fact a sandwich bomb. He decides to ring the army to report it. He says I have found a sandwich bomb just laying on the street"The chap on the other end asks "Is it ticking" to which Paddy replies "no, im...
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drtooheys
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0
|
848
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|
|
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Perfect
(Preview)
Joe rents an apartment in New York, and goes to the lobby to put his name on the group mailbox. While he was there, an attractive young lady comes out of the apartment next to the mailboxes wearing a robe. Joe smiles at the young girl and she strikes up a conversation with him. As they talk, her robe slips o...
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Possum3
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1
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855
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The Duck
(Preview)
A duck walks into a bar and goes up to the bartender. The bartender says, What can I get you? Duck: Umm. Do you have any grapes? Bartender (looking surprised and finding the question odd): No, I'm afraid we don't. And the duck waddles slowly out of the bar. The next day at the same time, the duck wadd...
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Possum3
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1
|
1009
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|
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How do you feel?
(Preview)
Two elderly men from a retirement centre were sitting on a park bench, when one turns to the other and says : Ben, Im 83-years-old now and Im just full of aches and pain. I know youre about my age, how do you feel? I feel just like a newborn baby, Ben says. Really! Like a newborn baby? Yes, Ben says. No hair,...
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Possum3
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1
|
839
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