|
Tequilla shots.
(Preview)
Warren goes into a pub and seats himself on a stool. The barman looks at him and says, Whatll it be mate? Warren says, Set me up with eight tequila shots and make them doubles. The barman does this and watches the guy slug one down, then the next, then the next, and so on until all eight are gone almost as quic...
|
Possum3
|
0
|
877
|
|
|
|
|
Hot Dog
(Preview)
Two drunks realize that they are sobering up and only have $1.25 between them. So, they buy a hot dog from a hot dog stand and go into the next bar. They do shot after shot until the bartender demands that they pay up. The drunk with the hot dog opens his zipper and puts it through the opening. The other drun...
|
Possum3
|
0
|
786
|
|
|
|
|
Lie detector.
(Preview)
One man bought a lie detector and put in a corner of the room. At dinner, the father asked to son: -What did you do at school today? -It was all right Dad. My math exam passed very well. Thereupon, the detector gave warning a beep and the child confessed: I didnt go to school today. I went to movies with my fri...
|
Possum3
|
0
|
799
|
|
|
|
|
Not on Thursday.
(Preview)
A man joins the navy and is shipped out immediately to an aircraft carrier in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. The captain is showing the new recruit around the ship, when the recruit asks the captain what the sailors do to satisfy their urges when they're at sea for so long. Let me show you, says the capt...
|
Possum3
|
1
|
765
|
|
|
|
|
A blond guy...
(Preview)
A blonde guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting. Whats up? he says. Im having a heart attack, cries the woman.He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as hes dialing, his 4-year-ol...
|
aussie_paul
|
0
|
884
|
|
|
|
|
Two men were out fishing...
(Preview)
Two men were out fishing when one decides to have a smoke. He asks the other guy if he has a lighter.The other guy replies, Yes I do. And hands him a 10 inch BIC lighter.Surprised, he asks, Where did you get this?The other guy replies, Oh, I have a personal genie.Really? Can I make a wish?Sure, says the man,...
|
aussie_paul
|
3
|
981
|
|
|
|
|
Can you relate?
(Preview)
Was out walking with the wife and she stopped and said to me; "You weren't even listening were you?" I thought to myself - "that's a weird way to start a conversation".
|
Possum3
|
1
|
1106
|
|
|
|
|
In the beginning
(Preview)
A little girl asked her mother, How did the human race appear? The mother answered, God made Adam and Eve and they had children and so was all mankind made. Two days later the girl asked her father the same question. The father answered, Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race e...
|
Possum3
|
1
|
770
|
|
|
|
|
Duelling Banjos
(Preview)
City girl Shauna was driving back to town after attending a family funeral when she ran out of gasoline. It was getting late so she asked two good boys sitting on the stoop of a caravan, where she could get some gasoline. Well, said one, The filling station aint open untill tomorrow, but I reckon you can s...
|
Possum3
|
1
|
859
|
|
|
|
|
COLONOSCOPY REPORT
(Preview)
During my check-up I asked the Doctor, "Do you think I'll live a long and healthy life then? He replied, "I doubt it somehow. Mercury is in Uranus right now." I said, "I don't go in for any of that astrology nonsense." He replied, "Neither do I. My thermometer just broke." Aussie Paul.
|
aussie_paul
|
1
|
925
|
|
|
|
|
Three desperately ill men.....
(Preview)
Three desperately ill men go to their doctor seeking help. One is and alcoholic, one is a chain smoker and the other is gay.The doctor tells the men if you indulge in any of your habits again you will die.So the three men leave and then the alcoholic sees a bar and hears its loud music and cant resist.He ord...
|
aussie_paul
|
1
|
884
|
|
|
|
|
Be on your guard..
(Preview)
... just had a warning from police about keys.We are being warned about 5 keys that can open 87% of cars and 99% of houses.This is not a joke.The keys you need to be on the lookout for are:Dar-keys, Pak-keys, Bi-keys, Jun-keys & Key-wi's. Aussie Paul.
|
aussie_paul
|
2
|
1098
|
|
|
|
|
Health Check
(Preview)
I've been lurking for a long time on here, so I thought that I would say hi with some humour. Cheers Dave
|
Davkaz
|
1
|
1060
|
|
|
|
|
Men's medical issue...
(Preview)
A wealthy hospital benefactor was being shown around the hospital.During her tour, she passed a room where a male patient was masturbating furiously."Oh my GOD!" screamed the woman. "That's disgraceful! Why is he doing that?The doctor who was leading the tour calmly explained. "I'm very sorry th...
|
aussie_paul
|
3
|
943
|
|
|
|
|
The Lunatic.
(Preview)
As a man passed with his car from in front of the mental hospital, his cars tire exploded. After that; picks up the spare tire from the car trunk, removes the exploded tire from its place. At that moment the bolts fall down from the sewer hole. The problem is great, there is no bolt to attach the spare tire....
|
Possum3
|
1
|
812
|
|
|
|
|
The Biker
(Preview)
A rookie police officer pulled a biker over for speeding and had the following exchange: Officer: May I see your driver's license? Biker: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI. Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle? Biker: It's not my bike. I stole it.... Officer: The mo...
|
Possum3
|
1
|
1248
|
|
|
|
|
A Parrot tale.
(Preview)
A cat burglar broke into a house during the night, as he started to collect some goodies and put them in his bag. He heard a voice saying - Jesus is watching you. The burglar turned his flashlight in the direction of the voice. The burglar saw a parrot which said again - Jesus is watching you. The astounded...
|
Possum3
|
1
|
819
|
|
|
|
|
Dying boyfriend..
(Preview)
|
aussie_paul
|
2
|
1069
|
|
|
|
|
Organics
(Preview)
My wife asked me to buy ORGANIC vegetables from the market. I went and looked around and couldn't find any. So I grabbed an old, tired looking employee and said "These vegetables are for my wife. Have they been sprayed with any poisonous chemicals?" "The produce guy looked at me and said "No. You'll hav...
|
fwdoz
|
2
|
955
|
|
|
|
|
Three sisters
(Preview)
|
Woody n Sue
|
2
|
928
|
|
|
