|
Prediction
(Preview)
A man went to the fortune teller and the fortune teller said while looking into the mans hand; Very soon, you will do something that will cause millions of people to die. The man was very upset and wretched when he heard these words. He decided to commit suicide in order not to harm anyone and by lying on t...
|
Possum3
|
0
|
914
|
|
|
|
|
Volvo
(Preview)
An old guy in his Volvo is driving home from work when his wife rings him on his cell phone. "Honey" she says in a worried voice "be careful. There was a bit on the news just now, some lunatic is driving the wrong way down the freeway". "It's worse than that" he replies "There are hundreds of them!"
|
fwdoz
|
1
|
802
|
|
|
|
|
Psychic
(Preview)
A frog telephoned the psychic hotline and was told "You are going to meet a beautiful young woman who will want to know everything about you". The frog said "That's great! Will I meet her at a party, or what?" "No" said the psychic "Next term... in her biology class".
|
fwdoz
|
1
|
934
|
|
|
|
|
Report Card
(Preview)
Eight-year-old Nina brought her report card home from school. Her marks were good - mostly A's and a couple of B's. However, her teacher had written across the bottom: "Nina is a smart little girl, but she has one fault. She talks too much in school. I have an idea I am going to try, which I think may break h...
|
fwdoz
|
1
|
900
|
|
|
|
|
Professor
(Preview)
Student: Sir, do you really understand anything about the subject? Professor: Surely I must. Otherwise I would not be a professor!â Student: Great, well then I would like to ask you a question. If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my mark as is and go. If you however do not know the answe...
|
Possum3
|
1
|
789
|
|
|
|
|
Poker win.
(Preview)
The man decides to play the poker game. And an amazing chance !! Hes making $ 2 millions. The man immediately phoned his wife; Honey, are you at home? Yes, honey. Get ready and get your bag ready, because Ive earned $ 2 millions in poker game. The woman is yelling with joy; Wooow !! This is great! Im getting...
|
Possum3
|
1
|
804
|
|
|
|
|
The weasel.
(Preview)
A weasel walked into a New York soda fountain. The soda jerk says "Well in all my years, I've never seen a weasel in here before - What can I get you? "POP!" goes the weasel.
|
Possum3
|
2
|
824
|
|
|
|
|
Nursery rhymes updated...
(Preview)
|
aussie_paul
|
0
|
901
|
|
|
|
|
A new York Divorce Lawyer died....
(Preview)
and arrived at the pearly gates. Saint Peter asks him:What have you done to merit entrance into Heaven?The Lawyer thought a moment, then said,A week ago, I gave a quarter to a homeless person on the street.Saint Peter asked Gabriel to check this out in the record, and after a moment Gabriel affirmed th...
|
aussie_paul
|
0
|
730
|
|
|
|
|
Retirment
(Preview)
A well respected optomitrist & eye surgeon is given a send off party by His co-workers, when He walks into the room there on the wall is a huge photo of a human eye, He looks & says, 'now Im glad I not a gynaecologist!'
|
Joda
|
2
|
1017
|
|
|
|
|
Norman comes home...
(Preview)
Norman comes home utterly drunk one night. He lurches through the door and is met by his scowling wife, who is most definitely angry.Where the hell have you been all night? she demands.At this unbelievable new bar, Norman says. The Silver Night Bar. Everything there is silver. Its got huge silver doo...
|
aussie_paul
|
1
|
907
|
|
|
|
|
Logic
(Preview)
A middle aged woman sees Her local doctor & asks Him to recommend a breast enlargement procedure, He tells Her to rub toilet paper on Her breasts every day, She says ' what good will that do? '
'Well, it worked on Your arse!'
|
Joda
|
0
|
794
|
|
|
|
|
Horrible response
(Preview)
A teacher asks the kids in her 3rd grade class: "What do you want to be when you grow up?" Little Larry says: "I wanna start out as a Fighter Pilot, then be a billionaire, go to the most expensive clubs, find me the finest whore, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Copacabana, a ma...
|
Paintar
|
2
|
1014
|
|
|
|
|
The Exorcist
(Preview)
|
RustyD
|
0
|
732
|
|
|
|
|
The best toast..
(Preview)
John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of meLife, between the legs of me wife!"That won him the top prize at the local pub for the best toast of the night!He went home and said to his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best toastof the night."She said, "Aye, did ye now. And wh...
|
aussie_paul
|
2
|
1041
|
|
|
|
|
Possibly one for most of us eh?
(Preview)
There was an elderly couple who in their old age noticed that they were getting a lot more forgetful, so they decided to go to the doctor. The doctor told them that they should start writing things down so they dont forget.They went home and the old lady told her husband to get her a bowl of ice cream. You mi...
|
aussie_paul
|
1
|
801
|
|
|
|
|
The helpful Fairy..
(Preview)
A couple had been married for 25 years and was celebrating the husbands 60th birthday.During the party, a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple all those years, she would give them one wish each.The wife said, Weve been so poor all these years, and Ive never gotten to se...
|
aussie_paul
|
1
|
811
|
|
|
|
|
Wise vet...
(Preview)
The only cow in a small Iowa town stopped giving milk. The people did some research and found that they could buy a cow just across the state line in Wisconsin for $200.They bought the cow from Wisconsin and the cow was wonderful. It produced lots of milk all of the time, and the people were pleased and ver...
|
aussie_paul
|
1
|
937
|
|
|
|
|
The Wife
(Preview)
Pharmacist to a customer: "Sir, please understand, to buy an anti-depression pill you need a proper prescription...simply showing your marriage certificate and wife's picture is not enough."
|
Paintar
|
0
|
840
|
|
|
|
|
College Graduate.
(Preview)
A young man, hired by a supermarket, reported for his first day of work. The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom and said, "Your first job will be to sweep out the store." "But I'm a college graduate," the young man replied indignantly. "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know tha...
|
Possum3
|
8
|
1054
|
|
|
