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A new York Divorce Lawyer died....
(Preview)
and arrived at the pearly gates. Saint Peter asks him:What have you done to merit entrance into Heaven?The Lawyer thought a moment, then said,A week ago, I gave a quarter to a homeless person on the street.Saint Peter asked Gabriel to check this out in the record, and after a moment Gabriel affirmed th...
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aussie_paul
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0
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738
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Retirment
(Preview)
A well respected optomitrist & eye surgeon is given a send off party by His co-workers, when He walks into the room there on the wall is a huge photo of a human eye, He looks & says, 'now Im glad I not a gynaecologist!'
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Joda
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2
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1043
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Norman comes home...
(Preview)
Norman comes home utterly drunk one night. He lurches through the door and is met by his scowling wife, who is most definitely angry.Where the hell have you been all night? she demands.At this unbelievable new bar, Norman says. The Silver Night Bar. Everything there is silver. Its got huge silver doo...
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aussie_paul
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1
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917
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Logic
(Preview)
A middle aged woman sees Her local doctor & asks Him to recommend a breast enlargement procedure, He tells Her to rub toilet paper on Her breasts every day, She says ' what good will that do? '
'Well, it worked on Your arse!'
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Joda
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0
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809
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Horrible response
(Preview)
A teacher asks the kids in her 3rd grade class: "What do you want to be when you grow up?" Little Larry says: "I wanna start out as a Fighter Pilot, then be a billionaire, go to the most expensive clubs, find me the finest whore, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Copacabana, a ma...
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Paintar
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2
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1024
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The Exorcist
(Preview)
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RustyD
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0
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751
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The best toast..
(Preview)
John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of meLife, between the legs of me wife!"That won him the top prize at the local pub for the best toast of the night!He went home and said to his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best toastof the night."She said, "Aye, did ye now. And wh...
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aussie_paul
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2
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1053
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Possibly one for most of us eh?
(Preview)
There was an elderly couple who in their old age noticed that they were getting a lot more forgetful, so they decided to go to the doctor. The doctor told them that they should start writing things down so they dont forget.They went home and the old lady told her husband to get her a bowl of ice cream. You mi...
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aussie_paul
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1
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811
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The helpful Fairy..
(Preview)
A couple had been married for 25 years and was celebrating the husbands 60th birthday.During the party, a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple all those years, she would give them one wish each.The wife said, Weve been so poor all these years, and Ive never gotten to se...
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aussie_paul
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1
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857
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Wise vet...
(Preview)
The only cow in a small Iowa town stopped giving milk. The people did some research and found that they could buy a cow just across the state line in Wisconsin for $200.They bought the cow from Wisconsin and the cow was wonderful. It produced lots of milk all of the time, and the people were pleased and ver...
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aussie_paul
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1
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955
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The Wife
(Preview)
Pharmacist to a customer: "Sir, please understand, to buy an anti-depression pill you need a proper prescription...simply showing your marriage certificate and wife's picture is not enough."
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Paintar
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0
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848
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College Graduate.
(Preview)
A young man, hired by a supermarket, reported for his first day of work. The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom and said, "Your first job will be to sweep out the store." "But I'm a college graduate," the young man replied indignantly. "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know tha...
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Possum3
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8
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1089
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Broadcast today from MP in Canberra ... and recalled very quickly
(Preview)
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rockylizard
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0
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712
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Post Christmas party...
(Preview)
John woke up after the annual office Christmas party with a pounding headache, cotton-mouthed and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening.After a trip to the bathroom, he made his way downstairs, where his wife put some coffee in front of him.Louise, he moaned, tell me what happ...
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aussie_paul
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1
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821
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A man is in a hotel lobby...
(Preview)
A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question. As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him, and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast.They are both startled and he says, Maam, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know youll forgive me.She replie...
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aussie_paul
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1
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895
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35 Years of Marriage
(Preview)
After 35 years of marriage, a husband and wife came for counselling. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the years they had been married. On and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unl...
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Paintar
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1
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852
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What happened?
(Preview)
Hillary Clinton goes to a gifted-student primary school in New York to talk about the world. After her talk she offers question time. One little boy puts up his hand. Hillary asks him what his name is. "Kenneth" he says. "And what is your question, Kenneth, she asks. "I have three questions" he says. "...
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fwdoz
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0
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806
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Typical macho man...
(Preview)
Typical macho man married a typical good-looking lady and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:Ill be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want-and I dont expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you that I wont be home for dinner. Ill go hunt...
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aussie_paul
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0
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778
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The parrot said...
(Preview)
A lady was walking past a pet store when a parrot said,Hey, lady! Youre really ugly! The lady was furious and continued on her way. On the way home, she passed by the pet store again and the parrot once more said:Hey, lady! Youre really ugly! She was incredibly ticked now, so she went into the store and...
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aussie_paul
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0
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779
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Joke time...
(Preview)
***JOKE TIME ***Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop in Dingle, they walk over to the bird section and Gerry says to Paddy, 'Dat's dem.' The owner comes over and asks if he can help them. 'Yeah, we'll take four of dem dere little budgies in dat cage up dere,' says Gerry.. The owner puts the budgies in a cardbo...
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aussie_paul
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1
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808
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